Dealing with rude or ungrateful clients

[Fizzysweets1]

Work as a home carer, and many clients are lovely as are their families, but I struggle to deal with a couple of them.
Some seem to look down on you for some reason or see you as a servant.

I have recently started in a new area and was scheduled to visit one lady at 7:30am. She was furious it was so early, went on about it for the entire duration of the call, I apologised several times and explained it was the time the company had allocated for her call, not the time I had chosen myself to show up.
Wouldn’t stop complaining about it for the entire 30 minute call.

Today, she was scheduled for 9:15am and I got there at 9:25 as my previous client needed some extra help. I got there and I was told I was too late, she had been up since 7 and already done everything, why was I there so late, it was ridiculous etc.
Once again I explained that this is the time she was scheduled for on my rota and that she could call the office if there were issues regarding the times.
Telling me she had been up since 7 and waiting, even though last time half 7 was apparently way too early.

It may also be an age/memory related issue.

I have another client in a retirement block of apartments, she let me in through the intercom system at the main door then I arrived at another door, a lady was in front of me so I let her buzz in first. She may have been the site manager but not sure. Anyway she looked at me like I was dirt and spoke to me like I was a hardened criminal, interrogating me with a stony look on her face even though I could not have gotten in without the customer letting me in first and I was in uniform. No hello, completely devoid of any manners, really rude woman.

Another one I arrived on her call and the daughter burst in the room to tell me ‘you haven’t done this’, I had never met her before, no hello or introduction, just immediately telling me something I’d done wrong. I apologised, explained I was new and still getting used to things and that I would be done next time.

Maybe I’m too sensitive but it’s frustrating, I’m always polite and apologetic yet people seem to think they can talk down to you like that. Sometimes I wonder if they would if I were older or if I were male. How would you respond ?

I have so much respect for carers. My great aunt has dementia and she can be like you have described. Sorry no suggestions for you but just wanted to say what a fantastic person you are 💐

I think you are being too sensitive. A lot of these people are housebound and embarrassed or frustrated about having to rely on outside help.
Then, when the company keeps changing their visit times or carers, they have no routine. Sometimes they may just need to feel a little control.

There's no need for rudeness from them but I do think you need to harden up.

Thank you, that’s very kind to say. I hope your aunt is alright.

Oh I understand you so much!

Yes I can totally understand that it’s frustrating. However there’s no need for them to take it out on the carers when it’s not them who decides call times. And they’ve been told several times to speak to the office regarding any issues.

However I will try to not take it personally.

This is sadly really normal. In my experience you’re never bloody right! Have you been doing it long? I found once the clients got used to me/ felt more comfortable with me it was a lot easier but I’ve had some horrible situations. I was locked in a bungalow at 10pm and told I wasn’t allowed to leave as I was back at 7am anyway for this particular lady. She rang her daughter and her daughter tried to tell me I had to stay. My boyfriend came to collect me in the end and I refused to go to her again

I don't work in a carer role, but I do work for a charity supporting people with a specific health condition. I deal with clients over the phone and face to face and our services are free. It's definitely the exception, but we do get the occasional rude or aggressive client.

My team is very sensitive to those who are struggling and we will give some leeway in terms of acceptable behaviour. However, we also talk a lot about being assertive, and having an adult conversation with another adult (rather than creating an adult/child dynamic with clients). If someone is needlessly rude to me I have a stock set of phrases ready to go, so I don't feel like I'm on the back foot. Perhaps you could do something similar?

e.g. " I'd really appreciate you speaking to me how you would like to be spoken to"

"I'm sure you don't mean to be rude, but I'd appreciate you moderating your tone please"

If you haven't done anything wrong and are comfortable that you've carried out the job within your remit / limits - DO NOT APOLOGISE. You will feel resentful and it's not a genuine apology anyway. Or at the most "I'm sorry you feel like that, but our service is for xxxx"

In terms of the older people, I just put a lot of it down to early signs of dementia or similar. I can't be offended by it. When I was 18 I worked a few years in a care home where many of the residents had dementia, Alzheimer's or similar. I was scratched, hit and talked to like crap but I knew they didn't mean it. I got on really well with them actually probably because I was able to ignore and sometimes laugh along with the comments.
My favourite was when an elderly lady randomly told me to drop dead when I was cleaning her room.

Me : that's not very nice, what would you do if I actually did drop dead right now?

Elderly Resident : then I would ring the bell and ask them to take the rubbish out.

(Said with deep hatred in her face)

I actually burst out laughing and shook her hand (which she accepted lol) and told her that was a good one.

Relatives of residents being rude is not on though.