To comment on STBX messages?...

[MoiraNotRuby]

I'm not going to. But God this is hard. Separating from H due to his temper. I'm trying to stay calm and dignified, focus on the kids, get the house sold (both still here, nowhere else to go) and look to a happier future.

H is claiming to be heartbroken, to me and the kids. However his social media DMs tell a different story with a long chat with a woman he has apparently always liked and intends to do all manner of explicit things to when they go away together (on a trip we jointly paid for, that I'm no longer going on).

Must sit on my hands. And hope the house sells quickly.

You have no place reading his dm’s. Stop it.

Log out of his messages and don't look at them anymore. That way madness lies.

@AlternativePerspective

You have no place reading his dm’s. Stop it.

They literally popped up when DD and I were on the PC looking for vinyls. Clicked on a link that was a Facebook shop. Grim.

You're right it is a path to madness.

How do you even read DMs if they aren't sent you you?

Sit on your hands and inside laugh at his heartbroken act.

Ask him to log out of them so your poor DD doesn't have to witness it. Poor thing.

You have a shit load to sort and organise
Don’t get distracted by this nonsense

Ignore him and take a large step back.

It's hard...that isn't going to change...five years separated/divorced and mine still presses my buttons from time to time.

10 minute rant, large glass of wine and move on...

I’d say to him ‘can you log out of FB so that your DD and I don’t have to read your disgusting messages to your female ‘friend’ please? Thank you.

Although I would probably have screenshot and kept them too, just in case he tries to screw your in the divorce.

Ignore.ignore.He is a loser and trying to make you jealous and take him back.
You've got this far ,just sit right and continue looking forward to a time when you are free of his anger and pathetic mind games.🌻

Yea I'd casually walk past him and say ''Use your head next time,log out of the family computer when you're having explicit conversations'' I'd probably laugh at him too. The sad bastard .

Take screen shots or photos on your phone and then call him at work and tell him to log out.

Screen shot first then say ‘please log out of your Facebook account from the family computer-our children and I really don’t need to read what you intend to do to whatsherface when you take her in the holiday I paid for.’

Why don't you just log out of his account? You have no right snooping through his messages, and it's not convincing anyone that they just magically popped up. Cmon... oldest excuse in the book.

Ohhh I'd find it so hard not to comment!
Hope your house sells fast too op. The sooner you're away from him the better

I second what @Notimeforaname said.

It's annoying but see it as confirmation that you are doing the right thing and he is an idiot.

What the other side don’t know you know is a bonus - screenshot in evidence, keep it cool and don’t let on. Also if he’s done it on purpose to wind you up, you get the satisfaction of him not having that over you.

Shared PC? Change his password and "log out of all devices. Then carry on with your life and deny all knowledge.

@Whyo

What the other side don’t know you know is a bonus - screenshot in evidence, keep it cool and don’t let on. Also if he’s done it on purpose to wind you up, you get the satisfaction of him not having that over you.

This.

Keep quiet.

Information is power.

You never know when it might be useful.

Particularly if he drags the act on, you may need leverage.

Thanks all. I need to think about the screen shots thing. I let the DC borrow my phone freely and I don't want them stumbling across it. They think their dad is great and they don't need to learn the truth at the moment, I worry it would affect their self esteem thinking that they are genetically 50% odious lowlife.

I really appreciate the support here, I can't tell you how much. Thank you.

Why cannot you just log in to your own Facebook and log him out?

Are you not tempted to stay logged on as him then message this woman "sorry, I'm not that into you after all"?
I mean, obviously, don't do that. Obviously...

@OrtolanVeil

Are you not tempted to stay logged on as him then message this woman "sorry, I'm not that into you after all"? I mean, obviously, don't do that. Obviously...

Well I kind of am now you've put the idea in my head

Although tbf I wish her no harm, this is all on him.

However I will continue to keep my mouth shut and my fingers away from the keyboard.

@MoiraNotRuby

Thanks all. I need to think about the screen shots thing. I let the DC borrow my phone freely and I don't want them stumbling across it. They think their dad is great and they don't need to learn the truth at the moment, I worry it would affect their self esteem thinking that they are genetically 50% odious lowlife.

I really appreciate the support here, I can't tell you how much. Thank you.

Screen shot/take photo, send to your email account and delete the picture.

@PepperPepperMan Thank you! Can't believe I didn't think of that. Feeling so protective over the kids I think parts of my brain have disappeared. All filed away like a bad memory.

Next steps here I come.