AIBU - noise from my neighbours

[asosobsessed]

I posted on here the other day asking about neighbour noise travelling into my bathroom. Now I just want to know whether I am BU or not in my expectations

Let me start by saying we don't have a great relationship with ndn, it is civil. I have lived next door to them on and off for years (partner and I are back in my childhood home), they were noisy from the minute they moved in years ago when I was younger but since their child has turned into a teenager it has been unbearable.

I had to ask them to keep the noise down a couple of times last year because it started to get worse and then on xmas day just as we were about to sit down to eat they started blaring it and I mean blaring it. I ended up on their doorstep in tears begging them to please turn it off. (They opened up the door to a house full of people party in full swing, while it was just me and DH following guidelines on our own at home while I was worried sick my DM wasn't going to make it as she had severe covid, last christmas has honestly mentally scarred me it was the worst of my life)

But it's a long story that I will save for another thread but we ended things amicably and since then it has been bearable. But it has started to get worse again and it is from their teenager.

Right now I'm listening to his music in my dining room and it's so loud we have no chance of sitting in there to eat unless we blast our own music to cover it. We had the same thing for 2 hours yesterday afternoon so I had to move rooms to work on the sofa. And the same thing on Monday night. It was probably the same last night but I went out and didn't hear it.

I am not expecting silence, I am not expecting them to not listen to music, I'm not expecting them to even listen to it quietly.The mum listens to loud music when she cooks dinner and I don't care, its just whenever the son plays it - it is awful. I don't know if he uses a different speaker or what but he might as well be in the room with us. I can hear every word, every beat, everything.

I honestly don't know if I am BU but I am just close to tears. I feel like I can't ever have friends or family over for dinner because I don't know if it will start and if it does there is no chance we can still sit there with it. I am on edge every single day as to when it is going to start up.

They don't play it at 3am (this was one of her lines to me on Christmas day when I was nearly in tears on her doorstep!) so I just don't know if I am BU - is this noise that I should expect in a terrace? I just feel like my life is dictated to by whether their son wants to listen to music full blast or not, being in my own home is giving me anxiety.

I really want to knock and ask them to come in and listen for themselves, WIBU to do that?

Anyone? it went off at 8.30 after 2 hours and its now back on again, the mum is in there i can hear her. i cant cope with this.

Hi OP, that's really difficult for you, I'm so sorry. I think it's worth reporting to the council because it is antisocial behaviour. However I don't know if you would then have to declare a dispute to any future owners.

I would be noting times when this is happening and keeping a diary. Contact environmental at the council too. This is totally unacceptable of your ndn.

Its a statutory nuisance possibly. Contact your environmental Health team. Keep a diary, record the time it starts, finished. Describe the music. If you can identify the song even better (because that shows unreasonable volume). If a nuisance is established a letter often does the trick and it would not constitute a dispute at this stage.

Thanks everyone, i just feel stuck because the house belongs to my mum, we plan on moving out one day and it will be hers again, she'll never get rid of it as she feels really sentimental about it. But she doesn't realise how bad it has got, i've mentioned it a few times and she always says 'oh dont worry they've always been loud just ignore it' etc, but she hasn't been here when it has been happening. i was actually going to ask her for dinner tonight and im so glad i didnt because i would have been a mess.

i've decided i'm going to make dh come with me and just explain that we don't think they realise how much we can hear, we can hear every conversation they have and to explain we can't sit in our dining room etc.

and then if that fails i will have to look at the official route. if we didn't have ties to the house i would report in a heartbeat.

i've started trying to make noise so they can hear it, playing music (not antisocially) and just general noise. but i find myself constantly turning everything down incase it provokes them. my whole life has become consumed by them and their noise i am utterly miserable.

It doesn't matter what time it is if it is loud enough for you to hear it it is antisocial. You could keep a noise diary and get in touch with the council. But if they are anything like mine they will be useless.

You could look at soundproofing the attached walls but it is expensive.

Maybe play music very loudly back at them?

I feel for you. I moved out of our last home because of constant very loud music. By the time we moved my mental health wasnt good at all.

@user1471538283

It doesn't matter what time it is if it is loud enough for you to hear it it is antisocial. You could keep a noise diary and get in touch with the council. But if they are anything like mine they will be useless.

You could look at soundproofing the attached walls but it is expensive.

Maybe play music very loudly back at them?

I feel for you. I moved out of our last home because of constant very loud music. By the time we moved my mental health wasnt good at all.

I'm glad you managed to get away from it it absolutely ruins you doesn't it, i am a bundle of nerves. i'm just miserable and my home is meant to be my safe place, if i ever go out i start to feel anxious and sick on the way back because i dread what is waiting for me.

i've avoided playing any loud music incase it provokes them but i have started making more noise so they can hear it. but i've decided now that i will speak to them with DH and that will be my olive branch, if it doesn't get any better then i will just give them a taste of their own medicine.

i just can't believe people can be like that. if a neighbour ever said to me 'something you are doing is really making life hard for me' i would do whatever i could to ease it without hesitation, i just cant believe others wouldn't do the same

I feel for you. Living in this situation is nothing short of hell - have been there too. Do report to council and be completely honest about it. They know they're loud and they don't give two shits. But it really is the only course for action other than moving. Good luck

Just read update. Predict they will be quiet for a week or two and then go back to normal - fingers crossed though they do somehow find a change of heart and listen.

Record it. Keep records. Report to the council.

Thanks all, i just need to do something about it now. i couldn't sleep for hours for thinking about it and i've just woken up and i'm thinking about it again, i feel so anxious that i feel shaky. i am dreading today as i will just be waiting for it to start. typically my partner is away this week so i am just counting down until he is home and we can go and knock, i dont want to do it on my own.

I just feel so awful for my poor mum when she eventually moves back in here, this is what is making me feel worse. i'm so angry. dh and i will get away from it eventually but this is my mums home. i just keep imagining her having us and my siblings round for dinner and that music starting up. i can't express to you how it consumes the whole room, there is no way we would be able to continue to eat in there.

how is it fair that someone elses actions can dictate what room of my own house i can be in?

Just dropping in here to also express empathy - I had this in a Victorian terrace and I lived with it through two pregnancies and the stressed it caused is unbelievable. We moved. But I appreciate your situation is different.

Ours was at least sporadic. But some of it was retribution for parking. She was a nasty cow and if she believed the space in front of her house was being encroached, or my bumper was a bit too near the boundary of her hedge, I’d be blasted for hours. But then there were also very frequent ‘dinner parties’ which were accompanied by music which went on for hours.

In the end, when I knew she had guests there, I went round and literally sobbed on her doorstep. A lot of it was genuine but I do admit I applied a bit of bafta worthy hyperbole too. Her guests could see and hear and presumably out of embarrassment it did abate - not for the parking, but certainly for the parties.

Can you go round and have a little ‘moment’ ?

Other than that it’ll have to be the official route.

Get a nice big speaker and amplifier. Place speaker as close as possible to the party wall. Get a signal generator and amplify a low frequency sound (50Hz or lower). It won't be loud enough to annoy anyone but you feel low frequencies so they won't be able to work out where it's coming from and NOTHING blocks out low frequencies. It will drive them insane.

Then really mess with them by turning it off for a few days, then back on for a few weeks, works best when they are trying to sleep.

Of course I wouldn't condone doing the above at all. That would be coming down to their level.

Only other solution would be to get all the party wall from top to bottom soundproofed. That would cost a fortune in money, time and disruption. But if it means you can relax in your own home then it's worth every penny.

I am sorry you are going through this . I grew up in a house with awful neighbours and my mental health suffered, and still does thinking back to it. Bad neighbours are hell on earth

You are most certainly not being unreasonable, they are being ignorant and selfish. You have been decent about it, and been more than patient.

Keep a diary, contact local envoronmental health/community police/council noise department (varies depending on where you are). They can put in noise equipment and record the noise levels, regularity and what time it is on at, etc. If they find it above acceptable levels, they can confiscate equipment and/or press charges for breach of the peace.

Try talking to them again first, however from what you say, it doesn't sound like it will do much good. Good luck.

Ring the environmental health. Ask if it's possible for someone to come round. Maybe just maybe they will think you have a visitor and rank the din up. I think they supply a form to fill in with times etc. Record it if you can also.

Sounds awful. I can feel your upset/frustration. Start logging it I say! Firstly, then you and your partner can see for yourself if you are BU and secondly once you realise you are not BU (that's what it sounds like to me) re logs ...make your next move!

The tongue in cheek play it back at them is a nice idea but not good in reality, it may worsen things.
Enviromental is the way to go. As for your mum in the future moving in, maybe she has a higher noise tolerance, a rare quality when it comes to very noisy neighbours. Perhaps the sentimental aspect will make her sell up if she experiences what you are/were going through though.

I had this in our last house and it was unbearable. It was a mum, her partner and young child and they'd play music all hours of the day and night. I just had to move. I couldn't take it any more.

I'd ask her round for the evening when the son is playing the music.