(TW MC) To tell my boss about this pregnancy loss

[secondorange]

Sorry just not in my right mind now as I literally have no mental energy left. TTC #2 about a year now. Had a 7 week loss in January. Heartbroken and trying ever since until I finally fell pregnant this cycle (August). Excitement was short lived as my blazing FRER quickly dwindled down to a faint line. My hcg draw 2 days ago was pitiful and so was my progesterone so I'm just waiting for the inevitable.

I'm not OK. I finally thought this nightmare was over now I've had 2 losses and I just don't know what to do. I told my boss I had a crap personal situation going on the first time and he pried it out of me in the nicest and gentlest way possible. He sent flowers to my house and told me to have the week off. He seemed a bit awkward when I came back though i.e. didn't mention it. I told him this all via text at the time as I was a blubbering mess. Was so helpful and supportive.

Now its happening again albeit earlier but I'm not holding it together. Been tearing up in my office all week. I have my 2nd draw this afternoon and only told him I was leaving early, I know I won't be able to mentally come back to work after that esp if I get the result immediately. He commented today that I looked stressed and if there's a project he can help with to let him know. So he must feel something is up.

I plan to just take a sick day tomorrow for mental health but I've no idea what to tell him. I don't want to tell him I've had a chemical as I don't know if I'd make him feel awkward or if it's "work appropriate" but I do perhaps think it's best to send him a message saying I've got something going on and I'll need the day.

How would you er.... word this delicately I guess? I'm not much good at wordsmithing. I'm sure he can read between the lines I guess, I'm just in that weird place of what's appropriate to mention/TMI with life stuff and what's not. How to say this without saying it I guess is much appreciated.

So sorry to hear about your losses

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling your boss the real reason - it’s a perfectly valid reason to take time off sick. If you’re not comfortable with that though, maybe just say you have a migraine / virus / sickness bug or something like that.

Sorry to hear about your loss OP. At my work, time off for anything pregnancy related cannot be counted in sickness absence records. It may be worth doing for this.

Your boss sounds lovely, if a bit awkward, which a lot of people are with this topic. I'd just tell him, by text or email if you can't face it in person.

I'm so sorry.

If it were me, I think I'd say it was for personal reasons and that you're both physically and mentally going to need a day or two, and let him work out the rest.

Although I should say I don't think being explicit in explaining what's going on is inappropriate at all - I've had members of my team explicitly telling me this kind of thing and I absolutely value that they feel they can trust me with it. But as a woman who's never tried to conceive I had to google some of the terms, and he may not understand, and I would hate for him to think of it in terms of "a hormone level has changed" (unsure if that's the right terminology, but in that ballpark of 'sciency sounding') and support you accordingly, as opposed to picking up the emotional context of a miscarriage, which I think requires a specific level of care and support. I hope I've explained that well enough for you to know what I mean!

Again, I'm so sorry. I hope you have supportive, loving people aroubnd you

I would absolutely tell him you have had another miscarriage. I wouldn't say chemical as that probably wouldn't mean anything to someone who hasn't experienced losses.
If he is awkward that is his problem to deal with not yours. I was a manager for many years and had to listen to various medical problems - you just deal with it and support best you can even if you have no idea what to say!
I also had 3 miscarriages and always told my manager why I needed time off so they could appropriately support me.

Thank all of you lovely ladies. I ended up sending the boss a text saying I had something going on and need to just recoup and later that night he texted, then gave me a call kind of dancing around the subject and talking about work and saying take the time off don't worry- I think he wanted to invite the conversation but wasn't sure how, bless him he's such a good soul! I somehow managed to just spill it and he said yes I read between the lines and knew what you meant, we had a great half hour chat or so and I feel like a weight has been completely lifted. Thanks for encouraging me to say something as I'm now much happier- was losing my mind before not having anyone to talk with and work will be so much smoother now that it's out in the open. xx