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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have offered to babysit grandson?

37 replies

infusa · 18/08/2021 11:26

My grandson is 8months, DS and his girlfriend live here with grandson. They care for him themselves though.

I've agreed to babysit for them on Saturday as they want to go on a date, my DP has said I shouldn't as they'll start taking advantage and I'm already going to have him 3 days a week soon.

AIBU to have said yes?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 18/08/2021 12:41

DP is talking cock, so ignore him. (Obviously he's not the grandfather).. Do all the Grannying you can. You're going to love it.

whispers furtively>

Here is one of the great truths of the universe, which you beginner-mums don't know yet. I am probably breaking the rules of the Grannyhood by telling you this. Shh.

The REAL point, purpose, and reward of parenthood, is to let your kids have sex (WOOHOO) so eventually you become a grandparent. Grannyhood and Grandadhood is the crowning joy and delight of our lives. Much more fun than raising our own.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2021 13:17

YANBU, you say he's your DP so maybe not the childs grandfather? I wonder if he'd think differently if it was his grandchild? (he's unreasonable either way)

BeeDavis · 18/08/2021 13:50

Your partner’s an idiot.

lotsofdogshere · 18/08/2021 14:03

Your partner isn’t birth father to your son is he? Most grandfather’s are as thrilled as grannie is to be asked to baby sit for their baby grandchild so the parents can have date night.
Unless your son and his partner have been leaving you to do everything in the house and watch the baby, where does his worry come from.

Three days a week is a big commitment. We did one day for grandchild one, that rapidly became one day for 4 under 5 year olds as both daughters had two children in quick succession. It’s worth taking a longer term look at what you can realistically do. There will be other nights out, occasional extra care during the week as stuff happens. If you can afford to pay nursery/child minder for a day and do two days, that may help everyone

TiredButDancing · 18/08/2021 14:18

As they already live with you, unless "date night" is an 8am to 8am the following day, I'm not even sure how hard babysitting would be? And I think your DP is being a dick. Unless there's some massive backstory about how they're living with you rent free, do nothing to help with cooking/cleaning etc, then I'm not sure how you babysitting for a one time only situation is in any way them taking the piss.

PerseverancePays · 18/08/2021 14:19

He probably is one of those people who think you shouldn’t cuddle babies or comfort them because they’ll take advantage of your good nature.

Confused102 · 18/08/2021 14:20

You're a lovely grandma to think of your ds and his dp. If they do take advantage then you can address that, but in the mean while it's great that you want to support them.

cptartapp · 18/08/2021 14:22

Three days a week? Maybe your DP is wondering about how much this will encroach on your relationship with him.
What about hobbies, holidays, impromptu days out?
I don't know how old he is but I wouldn't want to commit so much of my retirement on a regular basis to having someone else's young GC around.
That sounds horrible, but it could be how he's feeling.

pinkcircustop · 18/08/2021 14:33

@Returnoftheowl

If they haven't had asked you to babysit in 8 months and have planned one solitary date on that time I feel it is a bit of a leap by your husband there...
This.
Goldbar · 18/08/2021 14:39

Well, the alternative is that they pay a babysitter to come to your house. Which would be a bit strange. Especially if the baby is asleep. The babysitter would just be sat there in your living-room watching TV.

The 3 days a week is different though as the alternative presumably is that your DS and girlfriend pay for him to go to nursery out of your house. It's quite a big commitment on your part. Will they both be working? Is either DS or girlfriend going part-time to care for the baby? Eventually, you might want to transition it to one day a week if it becomes too much for you. I can understand why your DP might be worried about the impact that having substantial caring responsibilities for a young child might have on you. I'd also want them to be working on a long-term plan to live independently as it sounds less than ideal having them living with you.

But no, having one night out together without the baby isn't taking advantage.

leli · 18/08/2021 14:42

Be honoured that your DS and his partner trust you.

Be concerned about what it says about your DP's jealousy.

Blood goes deep. That's why they trust you. It's also why your DP is showing signs of resentment.

Best for you to be clear and kind with all concerned. EG assure DS and partner that you are a willing and loving granny those 3 x days per week. Assure DP that you will always ensure that you and he have time for your valued activities. If he's still resentful you may have difficult choices to make.

lanthanum · 18/08/2021 15:29

It sounds like you and DP are not on the same page about the regular childcare, and perhaps that's the underlying issue. It's a big commitment to take on 3 days a week, probably almost every week of the year, and perhaps he's less sure he wants you tied into that. Is he working?

I'd see evening babysitting as a separate thing to daytime childcare, and not a big deal, so I suspect his resentment is more about the childcare.

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