Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Close to giving birth, EX risking Covid

24 replies

hattmancockk · 18/08/2021 10:52

I'm probably BU but can't think of a solution.

I'm close to giving birth, had one jab. Share care with Ex DH- all good.

But when he sees them he takes them everywhere! No masks etc. Last night they went to a football match in a stadium, they go to the pub etc.

I'm starting to get anxious. AIBU to bring it up? I feel awkward as it's not his baby. We have been separated 3 years.

OP posts:
Lavender24 · 18/08/2021 10:55

I know being pregnant is really overwhelming and your protective instincts kick in etc but I don't think you can expect him to not take the kids places. I personally wouldn't say anything.

Original poster
hattmancockk · 18/08/2021 11:02

I totally agree that he can do whatever he wants when he has the children.

I'm just worried about getting Covid as I'm high risk due to being in my 40s, high BP and health problems.

OP posts:
CabbagesGreen · 18/08/2021 11:06

There's not really much you can do. Unless you ask him to take the kids for longer as you get closer to giving birth?

CabbagesGreen · 18/08/2021 11:06

Ie. Isolate yourself from them. Which would be hard

JulesCobb · 18/08/2021 11:07

Of all the complaints about ex’s Ive ever seen, complaining he is regularly seeing his children and taking them places they probably enjoy going is a new one.

Speak to your partner about your anxieties. Speak to your mw. Lessen your risks as much as possible. But you cannot control your ex’s actions when he is with his children.

Curiosity101 · 18/08/2021 11:11

YANBU to bring it up and ask if he'd mind limiting the children's contact in the run up to the birth. Or if there's any other way he can think of to limit risk of you catching it.

To anyone thinking the OP is BU, it's important to remember that currently if you test positive for Covid and go into labour then your care is massively affected. You'll be cared for by a single midwife (so if they're on break it's a lot more difficult to get checked). They'll be in full PPE in an area that it completely isolated from all other people. You will almost certainly get a more stressful experience and likely won't get the option of where/how you birth in the same way you would normally.

If restrictions in hospitals had also been eased then this might be a bit of an unreasonable request, but right now I totally get where you're coming from OP.

girlmom21 · 18/08/2021 11:13

Them wearing masks wouldn't reduce their risk of contracting the virus anyway.

I think you're being over-anxious here.

BasementIdeas · 18/08/2021 11:15

How soon can you get the second jab? Some places are allowing you to get it after 4 weeks now - that’s by far the best protection you can give yourself

YWBU to ask ex not to take his own kids out!

Original poster
hattmancockk · 18/08/2021 11:17

Of all the complaints about ex’s Ive ever seen, complaining he is regularly seeing his children and taking them places they probably enjoy going is a new one.

But I'm not doing this. I'm worried and looking for a solution.

Other people would be worried about the children going to football stadiums unprotected and unmasked in these times. I have not said that.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 18/08/2021 11:25

If your kids are at school then yabu as they will be mixing with lots of kids anyway. Having said that I am due soon in a high risk pregnancy and my dh and dc are not going anywhere where there are lots of people. Dh and I are still wearing masks and we are doing our best to isolate because if either of us caught covid now I would have to deliver alone. I takes it more tricky because you are separated so he doesn't have an invested interest in your health or baby's. If he is a reasonable sort you could have a word with him. Otherwise just take reasonable precautions and hope for the best.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2021 11:25

I don’t think you can ask him to curtail his activities because you are pregnant. It’s a choice he had no say in.
Unless you are never leaving the house, not going to appointments etc there’s a risk everywhere.

Aprilx · 18/08/2021 11:27

@hattmancockk

I totally agree that he can do whatever he wants when he has the children.

I'm just worried about getting Covid as I'm high risk due to being in my 40s, high BP and health problems.

Well then no, you either have to not see your children or accept that their father and them can do what they want. Possibly you are also over estimating your risk?

qcovid.org/

CabbagesGreen · 18/08/2021 11:36

@Curiosity101 I get that, I was in a very similar position in the first wave but obviously there was no football. But there were situations with DSC and the exwife which unfortunately I just had to accept.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel how you do OP, but unfortunately you can't control what he does with the children. You could see if he could take them full time for a bit? Depending how close you are to giving birth. You could ask nicely if he minds not taking them to large crowded areas (but this would depend on your relationship with him and if he is anything like my DH's ex he'll just say its not his problem and carry on doing what he wants).
Do you have a parent the children could visit for a bit with instead of you?

Original poster
hattmancockk · 18/08/2021 11:41

No I think it's right that I can't control what he does and I'm delighted for the children that they can do normal things.

It's just hard adjusting to them being in normal crowded places again, unprotected.

I could maybe ask him to test or do tests regularly.

DC are at school but it's the holidays.

I don't want Covid- I can barely breathe as it is 😋

OP posts:
Kay1111 · 18/08/2021 11:44

I’d say your feelings are valid. I am due to give birth in October and I was planning on limiting where we go from September because I was worried what it would mean for me giving birth. We all ended up getting covid in July so we don’t need to worry anymore but that’s another sorry!

How long until you give birth?

I would suggest asking if it’s ok for them to not go to stadiums and large events until you give birth, I wouldn’t worry so much about restaurants and pubs if I were you. If it’s not too long until you give birth, which is sounds like it’s not, this shouldn’t be a big deal for them.

Blippibloppi · 18/08/2021 11:45

So the kids don't go anywhere when they're with you? No playing with friends, no kids club, no softplay? Not going back to school?

I guess the choice is either ask ex to have the kids while you're in the last few weeks of pregnancy or just deal with it.

CabbagesGreen · 18/08/2021 11:45

I could maybe ask him to test or do tests regularly. that's a good idea if you think he'd be open to that and it would reassure you. It depends on your relationship to how willing he'll be to put your mind at ease. Do the kids do LFTs or are they a bit young?

If you're due in the next month then he might be ok keeping things low key for a couple of weeks before?

It must be a difficult time for you, take care of yourself and good luck with baby!

Original poster
hattmancockk · 18/08/2021 11:46

IM Being induced mid September, I had very low Pap-a, kidney disease and high bp and on blood thinners so can't risk natural labour.

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 18/08/2021 11:50

I think YABU unless you’re not planning to take them out at all or send them back to school until you’ve given birth

ChainJane · 18/08/2021 11:51

I would suggest asking if it’s ok for them to not go to stadiums and large events until you give birth, I wouldn’t worry so much about restaurants and pubs if I were you.

That's terrible advice! You're much more likely to catch covid in an enclosed place like a restaurant or pub than you are in a stadium or other outside event.

Reallybadidea · 18/08/2021 11:52

When did you have your first jab? I would get the second one ASAP, that is the best protection for you and your baby.

Kay1111 · 18/08/2021 12:34

@ChainJane

I would suggest asking if it’s ok for them to not go to stadiums and large events until you give birth, I wouldn’t worry so much about restaurants and pubs if I were you.

That's terrible advice! You're much more likely to catch covid in an enclosed place like a restaurant or pub than you are in a stadium or other outside event.

How so? Have you considered how close you are to people in stadiums? Arriving, leaving, during, you’re very close to lots of people, there’s no way to keep your distance. In restaurants and pubs you can keep your distance from people very easily.
yikesanotherbooboo · 18/08/2021 12:36

I can feel your anxiety and sympathise but you cannot fully control this situation.Children mix at school so your ex taking them to outside activities is reasonable. Continue to encourage social distancing, ventilation, hand washing, masks when in crowded places( for what they are worth) , get your second vaccine as soon as allowed and try not to worry.

Angryfrommanchester1 · 18/08/2021 12:40

I can understand why you’re worried but football stadiums are 99% outside. We went last week and it felt very safe, id maybe say please don’t hang around in the concourse as it’s effectively enclosed. Re restaurants & pubs, that not going to be any worse than school.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page