To not tell my mum about every aspect of my life?

[Iamclearlyamug]

Back story - I’m 32 years old, independent with my own (albeit rented) place, a decent job and a 9 year old daughter. Me and her father have a great co-parenting relationship and during these school holidays we are doing 50/50 contact.

Recently started online dating. Whenever I meet someone for the first time I always tell the same close friend where I’m going, who with, when I expect to be back and either a photo or a description of their car - for safety reasons

Last night I had a bit of a scare with a guy I’d seen quite a few times - I did tell my mum about it when I got home as i was in a bit of a state - but she promptly started screaming at me, how dare I not tell her about where I was going, that she’s never judged me and that she’s incredibly hurt by the fact I trusted a friend with the information and not her.

AIBU to think there are some things in my life that I want to keep private, and that as long as I’m putting safety measures in place elsewhere, then I shouldn’t have to?

As you say, she was in shock and reacted accordingly.

She’s probably had a scare too! Like it or not you’re her baby I’m sure the reaction comes from a “good” place like anxiety not a bad controlling place.
Maybe agree that you’ll tell if anyone becomes “important” but that you’ll be carrying on as you have been

@Iamclearlyamug sorry OP forgot to ask if you’re ok?? Was it something the police need to know about? Hugs

Maybe she was just worried? Does she know you are OLD (obv not details!) Maybe it gave her a scare . You seem to have been as careful as you can ,but obv some people out there dont seem to be able to follow the rules.Bloody entitled men! When she has calmed down a bit ,explain that you love her, but need to have to keep some things private as well . I hope you have recovered from your ordeal .Obv block this bloke and be extra specially careful next time .

Sounds as though her reaction was down to shock and worry. Do you need to report the guy to the police?

YANBU. When I started online dating, I did the same - shared with friends but not family. I knew my mum would either get over excited and start hounding me about each date or would find the smallest reason to dislike them and be in my ear about it.

Sounds like you were still being very sensible - sorry you had a scare though, are you OK? Dating can be such a minefield.

Sounds like your mum reacted out of shock. Have you explained to her all the measures you're taking with your friend? Sounds like she needs a bit of reassurance.

@FlorenceNightshade thank you - no need to involve the police, there’s no proof anyway, but it was intimidating/threatening behaviour rather than anything sexual - obviously won’t be seeing him again either way. It was bizarre as it was about the 6th time I’d seen this guy and I’d never seen anything like that kind of behaviour from him before

I can understand that she was worried, I just want some things to be private in my life - it’s much easier to gossip about potential dates with a friend than your mum. She kept saying that she’s never judged me, but in the next breath was shouting that I have responsibilities and that my behaviour (I.e meeting different men for dates) is disgusting and irresponsible - how is that not judging me?

@Iamclearlyamug can you report him to the old site?
Maybe she just needs time to cool off. Your approach sounds totally reasonable and sensible I’m sure with a clear head she’ll see that too