Should I get rid of MIL scarf?

[ScotInExile]

I spent some time over the last couple of months knitting a scarf for DD. I'm not an expert knitter by any means and have never made anything before except maybe a scarf for a doll but I was bored in lockdown and it was something to do to keep me occupied. The scarf is very simple with alternating plain and purl stitches, nothing fancy and a bit rough, but DD likes it and was looking forward to wearing it. She was excitedly showing her grandmother (MIL) her new scarf on a Facetime call, telling her how I had just finished knitting it for her and showing her the detail close up. MIL just says "Oh, that's EASY!".

A couple of weeks later on another call she asks DH to measure DD's head as she was knitting her a new hat. I thought she was kindly making a hat to go with the wonky scarf that I had just made. Well, the hat turned up in the post last week along with a new matching scarf that MIL had just completed for her. The knitting is obviously much better than my effort since MIL knits all the time, and the scarf and hat are lovely, but if feels like a punch in the gut from her that she felt she needed to one-up my efforts and show DD how much better she is than me at knitting. It never had to be proved, she is very good at knitting and has made DD many beautiful items over the last 10 years which we have loved and cherished.

MIL is normally really lovely and kind and I don't think she intended to insult me, more that she wanted to show off her skills and get some praise (she lacks confidence in some aspects of her life) but it was really hurtful that she thought DD would prefer her scarf to the wonky one I had lovingly spent months making (and that DD actually loves).

WIBU to chuck it straight in the bin? DD will never wear it anyway as it's not her favourite colour.
(Disclaimer: I wouldn't actually throw it away as it is really very well made and would be useful to someone else so I would donate it to a local shelter)

Unpick the scarf and deny all knowledge of its existence

I’d give her the benefit of the doubt for now. I occasionally go over the top when I’m baking just because I enjoy it so much. The easy comment is bad but might have just been her getting excited that your DD was appreciating knitting rather than a dig at you.

Could you not tell MIL that your DD loves her new set so much that she’d like a hat to match the scarf you made her? (In her favourite colours this time) Then the new set can be quietly forgotten 🙂

Accidental or not, I think it’s really shitty what your MIL did. We can accidentally hurt someone else and the other person still gets to be annoyed, just because it was thoughtless doesn’t mean it’s any less hurtful. I started crocheting during lockdown. My first few things were wonky. They always are but I was still ridiculously proud of them. I must have shown DH my first wonky granny squares about 20 times! As your MIL is an experienced knitter, a better comment would be about how you found that stitch or how you found working with that wool. She’s experienced now but it’ll still take time for her to pull things together and she’s completely devalued your time knowing full well how long these things take. I’d be tempted to make an equally wonky hat for your DD and hopefully she’ll love it as much as the scarf and just let MIL’s hat and scarf sit on the coat rack for a while before it gets donated.

There’s a knitting and crochet thread. Everyone in there will understand why you’re hurt. If you’re continuing with the knitting, we don’t mind about wonkiness! Although, advance warning, if you join the thread you will end up with a big yarn stash.

This doesn't sound like oneupmanship. It sounds like "Ooh, DGD is showing an interest in hand-knitted apparel -- yay! Just what I do well! Now I have an excuse to make her some lovely things."

I have several scarves, including one knitted by my aunt, two by friends and one I made myself. They go with different outfits. I don't love one more than the others. I enjoy having a choice, as will your DD. She might not prefer the colour now, but it is her scarf, made with love, and she might be sad if you made it disappear.

I think the fact granny said 'oh that's easy' when shown the OP's first knitting efforts demonsrates she is not the sweet doe eyed innocent some are painting her. Her first instinct was to put her DIL down, not big her up to encourage a shared hobby.

I'd put her scarf at the back of a cupbard and if MIL asks about it, just say 'it was lovely, so skilled, but DD preferred mine.'

Don't throw it in the bin. Donate it to a charity shop (preferably one near your MiL) so that someone else can enjoy it (and perhaps wear it around her neighbourhood).
Or just donate it to a charity shop any where.

Douse it in petrol then facetime her and set it on fire.

That should get your message across.

Just stick it un the cupboard.

This is the kind of thing my mil would do but it’s not malicious at all. It’s more like ‘oh gdd loves knitted scarves. I’ll knit her one too!’
Just keep it. Kids lose things all the time and it’s good to have more than one. She can wear it when she visits grandma in the winter months.