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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anxiety and ocd please help

22 replies

forgottenforest · 17/08/2021 23:22

Hello, I have ocd and anxiety so any changes are really hard for me. I am starting a new job in September but the hours are really worrying me. I will be finishing at 5, 5:30 or 6 as there are different shifts. This really worries me because I only feel comfortable finishing at 5. Please be kind because this is really hard for my brain to cope with. Should I decline the job?

OP posts:

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 07:52

OP posts:

DonLewis · 18/08/2021 07:55

What is it about the time that's affecting you?

I'd get in touch with a counsellor and see if you can work through this before you start.

I'm having counselling for OCD, it's not easy, but I'm doing it and it has changed the way I approach some things.

One of the reasons I'm doing it because I want to be free from it, or at least, less in the grip.of it.

GoodnightGrandma · 18/08/2021 07:56

Are you on any medication to help you ?

Bearsinmotion · 18/08/2021 08:00

It depends on the job but OCD is a disability, would your employer consider this a reasonable adjustment? Perhaps for a fixed term while you get some support?

Bearsinmotion · 18/08/2021 08:01

5pm finishes that is!

Totallydefeated · 18/08/2021 08:03

I think it would be greatly in your best interests to take the job and get help with your OCD so that changes in finishing time and any other things you currently find hard to tolerate are no longer an issue.

What is it about the finishing time varying that is an issue for you?

Dunkling · 18/08/2021 08:57

I rarely post forgottenforest but your post really resonated with me and sometimes it can just help to know you’re not going crazy and someone really really understands what you are feeling.

I can rock an interview, but I have turned down so many jobs after, when the reality sets in and I have a new routine looming. I just can’t cope and as the starting date approaches, sometimes after managing 1 day, the anxiety will start to simmer before I work myself into a total anxiety storm, can’t eat, sleep, and it’s so all consuming I feel I’m going crazy. And I turn the job down.

I managed to start my current job as when interviewed it turned out I vaguely knew the manager and she was from my village and that familiarity and connection to home eased things. I have also been able to tell her I have a problem with change and it triggers anxiety, and that in itself has helped and I do now actually manage changes to work days and hours.

The anxiety also restarted recently when my youngest left home. It was this that made me see since Covid, lack of routine this caused at home, lack of work routine, meals all over the place, I could see all the little things that grounded me and gave security had slowly disappeared. I am currently trying to get it going again.... Emmerdale and wine at 7, dinner at 8 and so on. It’s still slowly grinding away in the background but I’m staving off a meltdown.

I also contacted my GP and requested more of my backups of Diazepam. I always have some in, just knowing this can help, and I therefore take them rarely... but a training day, offspring going home, travel, and one of these means I can cope with it and it takes away the panic of the following days too, as I have managed ‘the big one’ if you know what I mean.

I really feel for you and hope my post helps, but I also know when you’re in the grip of it, it’s just words.

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 09:37

Hi all, thank you so much for helping me. The difference in the times worries me because I will be getting back lack and not having any structure that's a routine. My boyfriend will leave work at 5 and be home before me, which isn't an issue but I struggle to deal with this change. I might have to decline the offer

OP posts:

Dunkling · 18/08/2021 11:55

Could you perhaps manage it if, in your head you work until 6. That’s your core day. Think of a routine for after work that suits you and with finishing at 6. Then, when you start and finish earlier, that is a bonus rather than uncertainty?

Again, I know the tips and ideas of coping are so different to the feelings in reality.

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 12:11

@Dunkling that's actually really helpful, thanks so much

OP posts:

Hadtocomment · 18/08/2021 12:17

The problem with a lot of ocd is that if it takes control of an area of life and isn't tackled at all it can tend to expand and take more and more and this can have the effect of making life smaller and smaller. The usual recommended treatment I believe is cbt with erp and sometimes they might recommend with medication. Avoiding things that make you uncomfortable doesn't necessarily help but can make things worse. On the other hand getting good knowledgable support to undergo a proper stepped process can really be key. I would look into one of the ocd charities and maybe phone a helpline for advice and maybe look into getting some support even privately for a while to work towards your goals. Perhaps in your head you can frame the changing hours as just temporary as you work through your ocd issues with it. Perhaps if you structure your day towards the late finish - meals etc so that is all consistent so your whole routine isn't changing. I don't quite understand though why 5 is fine but not 6? If 6 were unchanging why would that not be the same as 5 unchanging? Good luck whatever you decide. It's difficult and my heart goes out to you.

Bluntness100 · 18/08/2021 12:21

Op are you getting help for your ocd?

As a pp said assume you finish at six every day and anything less is a bonus. Then make a plan with your boyfriend on what will occur when you get back later than him.

It would be shame to let mental illness stop you progressing.

Dunkling · 18/08/2021 13:21

hadtoComment, I don't quite understand though why 5 is fine but not 6? If 6 were unchanging why would that not be the same as 5 unchanging?

Great post but just this bit ^

Because with OCD and anxiety there is nothing really to understand, it just is. As a sufferer, I still know my thoughts don’t make sense, but that doesn’t make them, or the panic go away.

I’m guessing that the OP has become accustomed to 5, and so her routine is settled keeping the OCD and anxiety on an even keel. Now, not only is there a new routine and timing to change to, but 2 times, which I know in my case, is just too much to take in, and panic kicks in.

Hadtocomment · 18/08/2021 13:37

Hi duckling thanks for that. I didn't mean it critically just that if there was something to work from. Ie if it's because she is accustomed to 5 that's one thing. If its that there are other fears about being later in the day that might suggest other approaches? I thought your post was excellent by the way. But ocd does take many forms. I have some experience also. But rigid routine isn't my issue but had a lot of success with proper cbt with some erp which is why I think it can make so much difference getting very expert help if possible and why I suggested the specialist charities or organisations as a good first step to getting more advice. I do think it's possible to get more understanding but that may or may not be relevant in different cases I suppose. Best wishes to all on the thread. It's very tough as I think most will know.

Hadtocomment · 18/08/2021 13:38

Dunkling sorry! Phone corrected me!! Argh

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 14:38

Thank you everyone. I have spoken with my doctor and they have prescribed beta blockers as that will help my body relax when it's nervous. I struggle with the uncertainty of situations, I am really scared about leaving work at different times because then my evenings will always be different and I don't know when I can cook for me and my boyfriend and will I be really tired getting back late all the time and not cope. Will I be able to do the job at all? It's just a really scary process for me

OP posts:

Totallydefeated · 18/08/2021 16:05

Great stuff that you’ve got the beta blockers, but what are the GP doing to sort therapy for you? That’s the only thing that’s going to lead you being free of this.

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 16:52

They have suggested CBT but I have tried this before and found that it hasn't helped. I get anxious and then become very obsessive with my diet and tyding and routine which is really exhausting. I feel really sad because I'm worried about this new job so much

OP posts:

Original poster

forgottenforest · 18/08/2021 17:01

I feel like anxiety is in control of my life, I don't want to be apart from my boyfriend because of separation anxiety and I just hate being alone. I don't have any friends and I'm only 22 so I should have one at atleast. I'm just so stuck

OP posts:

Hadtocomment · 18/08/2021 18:34

I didn't want to leave on that note as you sound so anxious right now. It's horrible to feel that way. Only my personal opinion but I do think finding someone to work with (therapist) who really knows about ocd specifically is so important when finding a cbt person. There is advice on some of the ocd organisations about the best qualifications to look for and questions to ask any potential therapist too about how they might approach it. When you say it didn't work was that with a qualified therapist who was specifically using cbt for ocd? Have you looked at any books or facilities online to at least to start getting an understanding of the possible approaches? This also might help when trying to find out what is available through the gp or even privately? Feeling like anxiety is in control of your life is a horrible feeling but at the same time can be a real motivator for wanting to tackle the situation.

ittakes2 · 18/08/2021 19:45

Hello
I have a lot of OCD in my family (mother, me, children) and I just wanted to mention I thought sertaline which is a serontine enhancer was recommended for OCD. Its an antidepressant and is usually used in the over 18s but an exception has been made for children with OCD who can use it from the age of 6. I have seen it work well with people with OCD who have been able to do behaviours they could not do predrug. I get the betablockers calm you down and are good for anxiety - but if you read the NHS blurb sertaline specifically mentions OCD.
www.nhs.uk/medicines/sertraline/
www.nhs.uk/conditions/beta-blockers/
The whole issue with OCD is challenging behaviours which don't help you. I am guessing the staggered end times is because you are sharing shifts with others and the end times are shared? Maybe someone in the office would prefer a set end time - you could ask. Would things work for you if you finished at 6pm every day instead? On days you finish at 5pm you could still leave at 6pm and tell them its easier for your lift share?

Totallydefeated · 18/08/2021 20:56

It’s awful to hear you’re suffering like this. At 22, you have great scope to be free of this, but I agree that finding the right therapist who specialises in OCD will be key. The fact that CBT didn’t work the first time doesn’t mean other therapy with a different therapist won’t. I’d be willing to bet, if you saw someone via the NHS, that you weren’t given enough sessions with a sufficiently experienced therapist, either.

Also, there are some meds that work very well for OCD. Can your GP refer you to the psych team to get on the right meds?

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