To ask job related question about a dangling carrot

[withadanglingcarrot]

Need some views on this situation as it's driving me nuts.
I had a long career break, taken for personal reasons, during which I tried to set up a business in the UK that failed. Prior to this break also my CV was not attractive. In a nutshell, I had a lot of family responsibilities from childhood as my father was an alcoholic and my mother could not cope.
This resulted in wrong decisions early on, like choosing the wrong courses in a not so forgiving time in a country in Asia.

Now I am in a very affluent country in the middle of the Alps. In April, I had an interview with the company founder/ chairman/investor of a start-up. I was right away selected after a very long interview, where I was asked to explain personal reasons for the break and other decisions. Fair enough. I understand my CV does not show stability.

There was no contact from the company for 3 weeks after signing NDA. When I contacted, I was told I would join as a trainee for a trial period of 3or 6 months and that contract will be sent the next day. I was happy.

Also, I was asked to attend weekly team video meetings for 3 weeks before my actual start date to get accustomed to the industry. I agreed.

A week after 1st meeting, I was told few of the team members want to see my capability, as I didn't come across as confident during my introduction (I spoke only for 2 minutes), so I need to do an analysis-based task and my hiring would be dependant on this activity.

After I submitted my work, I was told I did a good job but now I was asked to present this work to the company's interim CEO who happens to come from a large multinational company.

I did a presentation to the CEO and the rest of the team(employees).
I was told I did a great job. However, I learnt in that meeting that one of their founding members had already done that analysis.

A week later before the next meeting, I was contacted by the chairman and told that I am still not up to the level of 'the team' which is basically a mix of a lot of technology entrepreneurs and all are founding members with some expert level experience.

I very politely explained that I had a career gap, so it won't be fair to expect me to be at the same level as co-founders. But I asserted that within 3 month trial period, I would be able to gain confidence and show my capabilities.

I was told I need to do another research-based exercise to present to the same management team and CEO, so they can evaluate me.

I haven't received any contract yet. I received an invite to join the next meeting for 3 hours. I received the invite 3 hours before its scheduled time.

I thought a lot about this role, there is no way I feel I can do well in this kind of environment. The last 3 weeks had been very stressful because of their inability to commit to their decision. I was told when I was talking on video my eyes were not directly into the camera.

Regarding the startup offering, they are still not 100% sure and have already changed it quite a lot since my 1st team meeting. Also, I have been told I am not client-ready(corporate clients). But the product is not even through its prototype stage. They are already talking of marketing, etc. Also, want me / the person in my role to meet the clients in a months time.

But I need to first impress the CEO and the rest of the team with my confidence and presentation skills by undertaking another 2-week long analytical activity with 0 support.

I am so afraid of being judged that I don't even want them to elaborate on the activity which I am told is competitive dashboard analysis. What exactly entails dashboard analysis and what kind of 2-week long research and analysis do they need?

AIBU to tell them that I would not continue with this role and my reasons? Dh has asked me to focus on starting a small business for which he would support. But a part of me thinks maybe I would regret not accepting this role as beggars can't be choosers as I have been told this a lot of times by my extended family. Plus I don't trust my decision making due to my past failures, for this also I have been judged by family in past without any regards to my circumstances.
I can't get this nagging voice inside me to shut up and stop confusing me. They have hired a very high profile interim CEO and other members also are very well connected, so maybe this has the potential to be big. I hate this confusion in my head.

Thank you for reading my long post. I would be grateful for your views on this.

You're doing all this without a contract?

It sounds a bit shit to me.

It may have the potential to be big. But it doesn't mean they can dangle a job in front of you and make you jump through hoops.

Do you really want to work for a company that doesn't show respect to its candidates? They don't seem to be in control of their recruitment process.

Of course, I'm in the UK so I can't comment on how regularly this occurs in other countries, but here i wouldn't say it's the norm for big organisations. Their hiring process may take a while but they tend to say upfront what is expected / what the recruitment process involves.

Being a startup, it may be that they haven't quite got their processes in place. But if they treat you like this before you've even started, what do you think they'll be like once you're in?

My ultimate advice would be to trust your gut.

I would not be doing this at all. This sounds like stage 5 or 6 of the interview stage.

It's nuts.
It's unfair. They're certain or they are not. If they're not at this point they need to be straight with you.

I would be wary of the expectations of this company if you started the job. It seems as though they probably expect employees to put in a lot of unpaid work, at short notice, in a rather critical working culture

I’d tell them you gave another job offer and if they are interested in offering you a job you need to see the contract with all salary/benefits etc this week.

On reflection, I think you need to work on your self-esteem separately in order to move your life forward. All those beliefs about being a "beggar" and not good enough and having to accept any scraps people throw you are going to keep dragging you down and disrupting your life if you don't deal with them.

If you Google "CCI self esteem" there are free self-help resources based on CBT that you could use to start making real changes to your life that will set you up for the future.

Separately, could I also point out that any of us could appoint ourselves "CEO" or "chairman" of a start-up in a matter of minutes. You're placing far too much significance on that title (by the sounds of it because you feel inferior).

They sound dysfunctional and exploitative.

Do you not have other avenues to explore between the two extremes of either trying to start your own business or jumping through endless moving hoops for another business that isn't off the ground yet itself?

Thank you all for your replies. They have helped me clear my self-doubts. I agree it feels like they have very little respect for someone at my level.

@user16395699 I mentioned the CEO as usually at this stage startups don't have a proper CEO, and this person was a country head for a well-known company, so I felt maybe their venture has potential despite them not having a conclusive decision about the product offering. Ironically they talk of neuroplasticity and the humans' ability to change themselves for the better.

I am definitely going to work through my self-esteem. Beggars can't be choosers is a favourite quote of my family. Unfortunately, my CV has v little value, and English is a second language here, so I have to create my own purpose or retrain.

Thanks again for your replies, makes me feel beter