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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a doctor telling you that you need to lose weight isn't "fat shaming?"

185 replies

FrankieDoyle · 17/08/2021 19:00

Genuinely interested in opinions.
I follow a plus size Instagram blogger/influencer who normally posts about fashion, inspirational quotes etc.

Today she posted about a trip to hospital that she had. The doctors there were apparently unhelpful and told her that they couldn't operate on her because, amongst other reasons, her weight. They told her she would need to lose weight before they could consider it.
I think she's about a size 26-28, from her posts about her wardrobe where she's mentioned the size she wears.

So she posted a video stating that she was sick of being fat shamed, something needs to change, and the doctors don't take her seriously etc.

It got me thinking that actually I disagree with her viewpoint that it's "fat shaming" to inform a patient that they need to lose weight? The doctors have to check that it's safe to perform an operation on someone don't they?

I say this as an overweight person myself (currently a size 20 but following a diet plan and trying to lose weight. )

Maybe I'm wrong I don't know, but it seems unfair to criticise doctors on a public platform with thousands of followers, simply for doing their job.

I understand some doctors can be patronising or seem to focus on a person's weight, and that can't be a nice experience. But I really disagree that it's "fat shaming" actually I quite dislike the phrase being used to criticise these medical professionals.

OP posts:
Lairymary · 17/08/2021 20:44

My husband is friends with someone who is a GP, she is rather large and I occasionally wonder how she delivers the "you need to lose weight" chat without getting embarrassed Hmm

maxbabi · 17/08/2021 20:46

@Vates

I am a size 24-26 so true fattie here. I don't think it is shaming to be honest but approached with care. My GP who has treated me (severe mental health problems) since 19 only tried to tackle my weight problem once and she was incredibly sweet but honest about it. Unfortunately I don't want to live (and living a long life would be my personal hell!) and love food more than people (food is nicer than you're average person) so there's not a solution as far as I can tell. But Society in general definitely has a problem with fat shaming. My god, the incidents for me between the ages of 16-30 destroyed me, my confidence and my whole life. BTW, at size 20 people will definitely still look down on you! I think the shaming needs to stop.
This made me so sad 😞.
huuskymam · 17/08/2021 20:50

Nope, not fat shaming. She needs surgery, doctor can't do it till she loses weight, he's telling her how it is.

Ibelieveinghosts · 17/08/2021 20:56

It’s not fat shaming, but I also hope that she was given support to lose weight.

The medical profession needs to start offering more support to people who need to lose serious amounts of weight, I’m not talking about a few pounds or a couple of stone, but people like this lady who sounds morbidly obese and in reality probably needs to lose half her body weight.

Being that overweight is often linked to mental health issues. A study undertaken at an obesity clinic in America found the majority of patients reported suffering childhood abuse, a study of just under 20,000 participants found a strong link between obesity (amongst other self destructive behaviours) and traumatic events. Stephen Porges links overeating eating disorders with trying to feel safe (largely to stimulate facial movements that help move out of fight or flight when there is a lack of recognition of these features else where). Dissociation means that there is no interest in keeping the )foreign) body well and in one cases there’s an active decision to somehow punish it.

It’s not a simple thing of join weight watchers, the underlying problem of why the person has been overeating needs to be addressed, even if there is short term weight loss it needs to be backed up by solving the underlying issue.

If we are to address the obsessing crisis society’s attitude needs to change. Most obese people aren’t just greedy and lazy,they are often struggling with issues which need addressing.

So while this wasn’t fat shaming it would be very interesting to see if the doctor did try and get to the bottom of the situation or just lose weight.

Obviously this doesn’t apply to everyone but there is a significant link which needs more recognition, not as an excuse for being obese but as a mechanism to solve the problem. Unfortunately, whilst people equate being obese with greed and laziness people who are often full of self loathing with just be made to feel more of a failure and even less able to seek help to address the issue.

Staffy1 · 17/08/2021 20:57

It’s not fat shaming, but it is a bit hypocritical when they are overweight themselves.

Mandalay246 · 17/08/2021 21:00

She's an idiot. The doctor was doing the job they are supposed to do. Why people give any time to stupid people like this is beyond me - she's hardly a role model.

user1471457751 · 17/08/2021 21:11

@Staffy1 it's not hypocritical at all. A doctor being obese doesn't make their obese patient any healthier nor does it make the doctor's professional opinion any less valid. Scoffing at a doctor's advice because they themselves are overweight is actually fat shaming

Original poster
FrankieDoyle · 17/08/2021 21:24

It's more the fact that I started following her when I was around the same size as her - she posts a lot of interesting links, discount codes for clothes, style tips etc.
It was only today I saw her post about fat shaming and thought Hmm

OP posts:
SpaceBethSmith · 17/08/2021 21:33

Almost all surgery has a far higher risk rate, the heavier you are, the more risky it is.

It’s not rocket science.

For the last 3 years I’ve seen the same GP almost every time. The last time she wasn’t available, it was an emergency (ear infection AND tonsillitis). The first thing out of the GPs mouth was about my weight. Admittedly I was prickly and told her that my weight wasn’t relevant to why I was there, and if she’d bothered to look, she’d have seen that my weight gain (3 fucking stone, but I’m only just 5 foot…) was due to the meds my Psych had put me on 6 months prior and that changing them wasn’t an option as they were keeping me alive.

If it’s relevant, tell them.
If not, be quiet.

I’ve always been very slim and busted my arse in the gym for my figure as every single woman in my family is obese or morbidly obese and with all the issues that come with it, I didn’t want to end up like that. For now, though, not wanting to Jill myself is enough.

SunShinesBrightly · 17/08/2021 21:33

I am big.
My GP tells me every single time without fail that I am overweight! It is a fact that my weight puts me at greater risk of...everything and they would be negligent if they prescribed medicines (HRT for example or the mini pill) to me. I would expect to be told that I needed to lose weight if I needed an operation.

SunShinesBrightly · 17/08/2021 21:34

It’s not fat shaming.

Boombadoom · 17/08/2021 22:08

Unfortunately OP, there are a large number of overweight individuals who refuse to acknowledge the risk to their health. A doctor pointing that out is not fat shaming. She’s an idiot.

ViciousJackdaw · 17/08/2021 22:26

It's not fat shaming, it's just science. It can't be pleasant to hear though and this woman seems to be in denial. After all, she'll have had her followers liking her pics and telling her she looks great (and I'm sure she does). To go from that level of confidence to someone bluntly telling you that you are too fat must be hard.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 17/08/2021 22:28

As a fat person I can say that is not fat shaming. Shes ridiculous.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 17/08/2021 22:29

@Boombadoom

Unfortunately OP, there are a large number of overweight individuals who refuse to acknowledge the risk to their health. A doctor pointing that out is not fat shaming. She’s an idiot.
Yeah. Because they are healthy for the time being. Tehn blood pressure changes, prediabetes stage makes itself known, joints go to fuck and all the "healthy at any size" is forgotten. It's a fact of life that us obese are at bigger risk of serious ilnesses and during surgeries and such. Whoever denies that is frankly more delusional than I was about my salads...
SmokedDuck · 17/08/2021 22:33

A lot of the body positive movement has become pretty weird. It's moved from treating people respectfully, minding your own business, and trying to help encourage people to live in a healthy way even when they are overweight - all good things - to a very weird affirmation only way of thinking.

Tinpotspectator · 17/08/2021 22:40

It obviously isn't.

IceLace100 · 17/08/2021 23:16

It's not fat shaming for a doctor to say to an overweight person "you should lose weight."

However, I know that very overweight people don't get proper healthcare sometimes because they go into doctors and say they have x problem. GP says "lose weight" and won't refer or treat them or give them medicine, which they would otherwise do with an ideal or just a bit overweight person.

Doesn't sound like that's the case here, but worth considering that this may be her past experience.

XenoBitch · 17/08/2021 23:22

It is not fat shaming. It is just pointing out a fact. If you are obese, having surgery is going to be more risky for you.

And a few posters have mentioned it.. but when a HCP who happens to be obese too, tells you that you are also obese. They are not being hypocritical. They know they are fat too, and might be working on it. I have been that HCP.

Eatenpig · 17/08/2021 23:33

@MadeOfStarStuff

YANBU and I speak as a size 26 so not a moral high ground here. It’s not fat shaming it’s merely a fact. Being very overweight (and size 26 is most likely in the morbidly obese category) is medically risky especially for surgery. I’m sure there are healthy fat people but statistically speaking being fat puts you at increased risk of so many things.
This. I don't care what size people are. But stats show that it can effect medical procedures and recovery. Good post. Honest. Doctors have a job to do.
3Br1tnee · 17/08/2021 23:46

@FrankieDoyle

Genuinely interested in opinions. I follow a plus size Instagram blogger/influencer who normally posts about fashion, inspirational quotes etc.

Today she posted about a trip to hospital that she had. The doctors there were apparently unhelpful and told her that they couldn't operate on her because, amongst other reasons, her weight. They told her she would need to lose weight before they could consider it.
I think she's about a size 26-28, from her posts about her wardrobe where she's mentioned the size she wears.

So she posted a video stating that she was sick of being fat shamed, something needs to change, and the doctors don't take her seriously etc.

It got me thinking that actually I disagree with her viewpoint that it's "fat shaming" to inform a patient that they need to lose weight? The doctors have to check that it's safe to perform an operation on someone don't they?

I say this as an overweight person myself (currently a size 20 but following a diet plan and trying to lose weight. )

Maybe I'm wrong I don't know, but it seems unfair to criticise doctors on a public platform with thousands of followers, simply for doing their job.

I understand some doctors can be patronising or seem to focus on a person's weight, and that can't be a nice experience. But I really disagree that it's "fat shaming" actually I quite dislike the phrase being used to criticise these medical professionals.

Yanbu.
DinosaurDuvet · 17/08/2021 23:52

I'm very overweight, it's not fat-shaming. Although I have had doctors approach it in a nice way and in a much more abrupt way way which did hurt.

InvincibleInvisibility · 18/08/2021 07:07

I wish my DB would see a Dr who told him to lose weight! He is morbidly obese and horrifically unhealthy. He has seen a Dr for various things over the last 5 years and not once has weight been mentionned.

We can't talk about it with him either (Ive read many times that family intervention doesn't help) so we just have to watch him get worse

SchrodingersImmigrant · 18/08/2021 07:17

@InvincibleInvisibility i can't believe the doctors wouldn't mention it. That would be such sub par care.

Losen up a chair. From experience, nothing makes your arse go on diet better than furniture "fat shaming" you...

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/08/2021 07:19

Obesity is dangerous when GA is involved and the surgeon is required to inform the patient.