Me and DP were supposed to be married last year - quite a big wedding with all family and friends invited with a big reception afterwards. That was cancelled for obvious reasons and we are now due to get married this October. To try and avoid disappointment again we have purposefully kept it small and low key this time with only immediate family invited to the ceremony and we are allowed 30 guests in a wine bar afterwards for a drink and a toast (this number includes guests to the ceremony). As it's such a small number we decided to just invite close friends to the drink and not other family members.
My auntie and cousin have been asking other family if they are still invited, but not asked us directly which is a bit awkward because they aren't invited now. But would have been if we were still having the big wedding. If I asked my auntie, I have to effectively ask her, her partner, my 2 cousins and their partners and then my other auntie and uncle (auntie 1 and 2 hate each other too) then my 3 other cousins, partners and 2 older children and then there won't be any room for close friends who we have missed out on seeing much with the pandemic. I really think we are being unreasonable doing the wedding our own way to be honest, but don't know how to handle the situation. My auntie had a terrible upbringing and has battled with feelibgs of rejection her whole life, I really don't want to hurt her. But if I ask her I need to ask other auntie and family because if not she might be annoyed she was left out when auntie 1 wasn't if yswim. And auntie 2 was my late mums sister and does things like buy my children Christmas presents and not her other neices and nephews children because she sees me as a closer family member.
How do I handle this situation?
YABU - invite your aunties and only ask 1 or 2 friends stop being so selfish
YANBU - invite who you want - in which case how do I let my auntie know gently?