My fiancé and I got engaged last month - incredibly happily!!! I have never wanted a big wedding (AT ALL), and I'd be very happy to elope just the two of us. My fiancé is perfectly happy to not have a 'big' wedding, but is insistent that his family (who I love and get on with very well, and who love me) and my family (who love him) are there. He feels it would be wrong not to invite them, he would be very unhappy and so would our Mum's etc. I am v understanding of his POV, and I don't want to cause family drama by eloping, so we are now planning an immediate-family only wedding. (Around 15 people)
Only problem is - as planning has started I've found that any of our ideas (too outing to discuss but basically would involve 2 days of really lovely celebrations that in theory are perfect) are giving me major anxiety. There's no good reason for it other than the idea of bringing both our families together for that time seems so stressful to me, and I feel like I would spend the whole time people-managing. Our families get on (although don't know each other well) and no one is difficult in the traditional sense, although we both have families with a tendency to sulk occasionally (!) There's no real reason for this feeling, except that I feel it.
We had a big talk a few days ago and my fiancé basically said to me - what would be the least stressful day for you that isn't eloping, as having immediate family there is non-negotiable. I said that maybe just a registry office in our town and then a meal at a restaurant would be the least stress as it would be the least time together. He said we could do that, and the most important thing is that we get married and I enjoy it! The only problem is I feel so sad for him, as he has some beautiful ideas for a wedding day that I know I'd love if I could keep calm about the whole families thing.
I'm basically just asking if I'm being unfair to him for kind of ruining our wedding day just because I have this feeling I'll be too stressed to enjoy anything, despite not really having any reason to? It's his day too, and I know he will go along with whatever I want because he's that kind of man, but I don't want to feel guilty forever that we had a rubbish wedding just because I felt anxious. Any advice?