Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid Etiquette

29 replies

BridesmaidHelp · 17/08/2021 09:26

Just wondering if it’s etiquette to pay for bridesmaid hair and make up. Wedding is on a budget and have bought their dresses which we’re custom and fit reasonably well.

OP posts:
PickleAF · 17/08/2021 09:30

Personally if you're making them have their hair and makeup a certain way, I think you should pay! I'm paying for my bridesmaids hair, because I've picked a certain style and want it all to look uniform. Haven't yet picked a makeup artist - but will be paying for that too if I decide to get one! Its an expensive business being a bridesmaid, I think that it's my job as the bride to pay for them (dresses, shoes, accessories etc too) as I've asked them and it'll be me wanting them to look a certain way Smile if you're fine with them doing it themselves then don't pay, but if you want it professionally done then I think you should Smile

pinkcircustop · 17/08/2021 09:30

If you want their hair and make up matching and/or done a certain way then yes, you need to pay for that.

Mufflette · 17/08/2021 09:32

If you're saying they have to have it done then yes you should pay, if it's an option then I think it's fine to say 'if you want hair and makeup it costs x' and then they can choose to have it or not.

Original poster
BridesmaidHelp · 17/08/2021 09:32

Hair they are doing which is fine as we are a mixed group (ethnicities) and would be impossible to have the “same” hair as some wear braids and do on.
Yeah would prefer professional make-up but one doesn’t want professional others do! Weddings are an expensive business!

OP posts:
traintraveller · 17/08/2021 09:34

You'll be told you should but IMO mumsnet is weird about wedding etiquette. I'm paying for my bridesmaids hair and make up and will not be saying I want them to have a certain look, they can have what they want. I've also paid for dresses (twice) but I am not buying their shoes and if they want nails etc done they can sort it themselves.

Original poster
BridesmaidHelp · 17/08/2021 09:34

I’m not after matching btw

OP posts:
Zarene · 17/08/2021 09:34

They don't need professional make up! If they want it they can pay for it of course (and if you want them to have it, then of course you pay), but there's no requirement for it to be professional!

SilverTimpani · 17/08/2021 09:36

You should if you want it done professionally. If you’re happy for them to do their own, then give them the option to pay if they want it but don’t insist upon it.

girlmom21 · 17/08/2021 09:37

You should pay for anything you are specifically requesting IMO.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 17/08/2021 09:37

I've paid for my Bridesmaids dresses, hair and make up and brought them a jewellery gift. Shoes, other accessories, nails etc have all been brought by them.

I was a Bridesmaid a few years ago though and I had to pay for everything myself, I didn't mind but it was expensive, maybe just be upfront if you require them to pay for themselves so they can decide to decline if they dont have the budget.

Hercisback · 17/08/2021 09:38

If you're requesting it, you should pay.

mnahmnah · 17/08/2021 09:40

We all did our own make-up because we trusted what suited us and looked good, rather than a make-up artist. But we all wanted our hair doing properly, so I paid a hairdresser to do all of us

GemmaRuby · 17/08/2021 09:41

I wouldn’t expect them to pay for their own professional make up. Either you pay for all of you, or they do their own.
I was a bridesmaid recently and we had a lovely time getting ready together, feel like getting your make up professionally adds to that.
Feel like it would seem a bit awkward if you’re getting ready together and you have a make up artist come and just do your make up.

Howshouldibehave · 17/08/2021 09:41

@BridesmaidHelp

Hair they are doing which is fine as we are a mixed group (ethnicities) and would be impossible to have the “same” hair as some wear braids and do on. Yeah would prefer professional make-up but one doesn’t want professional others do! Weddings are an expensive business!
If you would ‘prefer’ them to have professional make up done, then I would say X is coming to do make up at 10am, let me know if you’d like it-I’ll be paying.

If you don’t want to pay, you need to forget your ‘preferences’ and let there be free will. Say, ‘I don’t mind either way if you have make up done professionally or not-it’s entirely up to you, but the make up artist will be here at 10am on the day and it’ll cost you £50, please just let me know soon’

PomegranateQueen · 17/08/2021 09:41

I paid all of my bridesmaids expenses for my budget wedding. I wouldn't dream of making them pay. If your not in a position to pay a make up artist then just let them wear their normal make up if they wear it.

It's irrelevant that you have paid for thier dresses already, barely anyone wears a bridesmaid dress twice.

KeyWorker · 17/08/2021 09:43

If you want it a certain way then you pay. Same for shoes and accessories ect. I payed for may bridesmaid dresses and told them they could wear whatever shoes they wanted. I payed for makeup as we all got ready together and they payed for their own hair but was happy for them to have it up/down/whatever style they liked or do it themselves. I think if you are dictating then you pay ultimately.

elliejjtiny · 17/08/2021 09:44

I paid for dresses, shoes and hair. We all did our own make up and nails.

OatyLatte · 17/08/2021 09:48

I've done my own make up a couple of times when I was a bridesmaid which I was happy to do. When it's been done professionally the bride has paid and I think that's to be expected.

If you want their hair a certain way and expect it to be done professionally you should pay.

MiddleParking · 17/08/2021 09:49

Personally I worked out what I wanted to pay for for my bridesmaids (everything) before deciding how many to have (two).

honeylulu · 17/08/2021 09:50

I didn't pay for bridesmaid hair and make up but I was on a very tight budget and also did my own/hair and make up. I did buy them hair accessories and said my preference was for them to wear their hair down. (They all did, some of them had rollers in overnight so lovely waves but I felt I couldn't be prescriptive if I wasn't paying!)

I have been a bridesmaid on two other occasions and "Best Woman" (wearing a bridesmaid type dress) once. I did my own make up and hair every time though was provided with hair accessories to match the other bridesmaids. One bride asked us to wear our hair up. A hairdresser came and did hers and her chief bridesmaid (bride paid). There was the option for her to do the other two bridesmaids (me and my sister) but we would have had to pay so we opted to do our own - we did practice a few times first.

I do agree with PPs who say that if the bride insists on a certain thing/look that you cannot achieve yourself without expense then bride should pay.

The most controversial thing always seemed to be shoes! I asked my bridesmaids to wear white shoes if they already had them and if not to let me know and I would get some but they would be very plain court shoes from a factory outlet. They all supplied their own but there was some grumbling about why I wasn't buying them "nice shoes". Then both times I was a bridesmaid I was told to buy my own shoes and the bride insisted the type (one time lilac satin, another time silver) and that was annoying to have to shell out for something I hadn't chosen and would never wear again.

jendifer · 17/08/2021 09:57

I paid for mine. Partly because one bridesmaid is quite insecure about how she looks and I knew she would feel more confident that way and partly because we were doing it on a budget and I knew I’d be asking the bridesmaids to help a lot so it was a way of thanking them too.

Mantlemoose · 17/08/2021 09:58

Anything the bride/groom want the wedding party to wear/have down - dress/suit/shoes/flowers/hairdresser/makeup artist then the bride/groom should pay.

blueballetshoes · 17/08/2021 10:01

As a thank you I paid for everything (mainly because they were there for everything and helped plan it all with me) but I only had two.

I think if you can afford it then pay for it all if not just specify what you want and leave the rest to them, for example one doesn't want to have pro make up done fine but just confirm the look. I had a friend whose bridesmaid didn't want to have pro make up done...she turned up with very heavy eye smoky effect make up on looking quite like she had panda eyes. The look was light natural make up...caused a little upset on the day...the bride hadn't specified the look she was going for...personally I thought there was something else behind it due to that bridesmaids behaviour in the run up to the wedding but that's another story.

Regardless I hope you have a lovely day and get sorted.

hotbutteredtoasttreat · 17/08/2021 10:06

You pay OP. I hate when couples state "getting married is very expensive" and then expect the wedding party to fork out. If you can't afford the basics, you can't afford numerous bridesmaids. There is no way you can expect them to pay for professional make up for YOUR day.

ThePontiacBandit · 17/08/2021 10:13

I offered to pay for hair and makeup for my bridesmaids. One declined and did her own. That was fine with me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread