My mum being ungrateful and toxic toward me

[Hellsbells35]

Mums birthday Friday and I told her to keep Saturday free for a surprise. She doesn’t do a lot on weekends so I know she’d probably be free anyway.

I then arranged a get together for my mum with myself & family and my two brothers and their families or partner.

I spent ages decided on where to get together and what to do. Decided to meet in Salisbury as it’s a bit closer to my brother who lives 3 hours away, and just an hour for is (I’m the only one with little kids).

Booked a restaurant and looked up lovely walks around the city. It’s very pretty.

Decide to tell mum the plan as not sure she likes surprised and you would have thought I’d set off a stink bomb. She hated the idea. Asked why we weren’t going further, criticised going to Salisbury and was really rude.

Is this normal? I’m thinking if someone had tried to organise something like that for me I’d be happy. And even if I didn’t like the plan, I’d be grateful and suggest an alternative?

I told her I’d cancel the whole thing. I was so shocked by how rude she was about the whole thing.

Now I feel horrible that I wasted time planning to have it thrown back in my face, and embarrassed that what I thought would be a lovely get together has gone so toxic.

Im really sad about it.

Now you've cancelled I should just stick a card in the post, maybe with a gift card and say have a lovely day.

Fantastic that you cancelled it OP.That will serve as a lesson to her in future,For the birthday I would send flowers and chicilates from somewhere like interflora or moonpig direct to the door and leave it at that,They are non descript and generic and a bit crap but they are great when you need to send something but you don;t care! I am sorry you have been treated like this after all your effort and planning,Its sad your plans havent worked out but you know where you stand now so you know not to bother in future,Mums like yours and mine and countless other peoples never truly realise what they have lost at the time but one day they will.

I really think you should reschedule a meet with your siblings and not include her.

@Undisclosedlocation

I’d still go and enjoy the time with the rest of my family……without her. Is she always hard work and rude?

My brother and sister and I did this once with our mum. We organised a get-together for her birthday and Mother’s Day, with me hosting. My brother lives near my mum, so he’d be bringing her (about an hour), and my sister lives about 3hrs away. Mum was insistent that I should be the one to pick her up, even though my brother was all set to drive her, or she could drive herself, and completely ignoring that I was already busy hosting. Refused to come. So we went ahead without her - had a lovely relaxed lunch, followed by a riverside walk, cake and lots of fun.

She never behaved like that again.