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AIBU not to want to go into treatment room when Dad has his 'Bard Port 'serviced??

10 replies

sarahtwobratz · 30/11/2007 02:13

My Dad has terminal cancer and has flown back on his own(without Mum) to have his port cleared (entry point for chemo). I have to drive him to his clinic tomorrow, but he thinks that means I want to go in to the treatment room with him, I don't. I love my Dad but anything to do with his illness I try and avoid. Am I a Bad person?? I love my Dad, but I don't want to see him as a 'sick' person. He has been ill for three years, but I have never come this close to his treatment because Mum has always been here. I know I need to be strong, but how?? I have put DD2 into nursery for a full day so I can be there for my Dad, but I feel like a little girl myself. Will I do him justice?? OH, I WISH MY MUM WAS IN UK!!!

OP posts:

sarahtwobratz · 30/11/2007 02:26

Please can some one say something reassuring so I can sleep. He has lived with cancer for three years, think I am only now realizing its real and it hurts. Don't want to go to oncology centre tomorrow because I might see what I have been trying to avoid. Can i really be in denial for this long?

OP posts:

potoroo · 30/11/2007 03:09

Are you still there?


Callisto · 30/11/2007 08:33

TBH I think it is time to stop being a 'little girl' and support your father. It is a bit selfish to shield yourself from this when your father and mother are going through hell. Show some solidarity and hold his hand when he has his port cleared. You don't have to watch and you might cry, but how is he going to feel if you refuse to go with him?

My mother has advanced MS btw so I know how gruelling all of this can be. Good luck, you'll be fine.


onlyjoking9329 · 30/11/2007 08:43

ok i know its difficult and i know that its not somewhere you would choose to go. but, do it for your Dad, look the other way if you want but please go it will mean a lot to him.
My DH has terminal cancer and i have done every treatment & checkup trip alongside him. the way i saw it was that Steve didn't choose to get a brain tumour it just happened.
his family have never once taken him to hospital vists Steve must have been well over 40 times, they don't want to go near the cancer ward


ScottishMummy · 30/11/2007 08:52

sarahtwobratz - you are understandably scared, upset, the role change from daughter to supporter. Your daddy needs you, you need him. together you can be a team and get through this


Blandmum · 30/11/2007 08:55

No, it can be very hard to cope with all this sort of thing.

I had to leave the room when dh has his syringe driver fitted, and that is just a litle butter fly needle under the skin.

Be with him before and after if you can't cope being there at the time.

If you can, try being there, but close your eyes or look away while they are doing the 'buisness'

You can only do what you can do. Hugs


Misdee · 30/11/2007 08:57

i'd say go in with in. he will want someone to talk to and distract him from the cleaning.

i rarely was there when peter was having his LVAD wound cleaned, as usually his mum did it, but on the few occasions the surgeons or nurses did it and iwas child free, then i stayed and chatted to peter through what can be an unpleasent experience in some surgeons hands. you dont have to even look at where they are cleaning. just grab a chair and turn it facing away from the port site, and chat to your lovely dad.


irishbird · 30/11/2007 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misdee · 30/11/2007 08:58

saying that mb, i did leave when drains where being removed and his central line and IV's as well, as i cant cope with needles.


Tamum · 30/11/2007 09:00

Oh, I know exactly what you mean even though it's a completely different situation. My dad has dementia but has been doing wel with it controlled by drugs. He had to go into hospital yesterday for an op to explore a dodgy patch on his throat and it's set him right back, he's got no idea what's going on. What I can't come to terms with is why I feel so upset about it- I know he's got dementia, have known for ages, and yet I feel so bleak. You have just hit the nail on the head for me- I am just trying to avoid facing his illness.

Enough about me (but thanks)- you will do him justice, it's fantastic that you are going to be there for him.

Martianbishop, a hug to you for managing to support other people so well with all you're going through xxx

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