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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed of with friend quizing my child on reading ability?

38 replies

Ditzymumofone · 30/11/2007 00:58

DS went to tea at a friends tonight and came home very upset as he discovered that he is on a lower reading level than his friend. On closer discussion, said friends mother had been quizing him on what my DS does at school. All very well, but this mother has made a serious of really foul comments about our education choice and I know is going to crow to all and sundry that aren't they silly they pay and their son isn't on this level (she has made this clear that this is her view.) That aside, my DS, who is in his school for personal reasons, is now terribly upset. Would you take her to task on this or just avoid it and them in future?

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 30/11/2007 13:38

it's the sort of thing that really pisses me off too hmc

like who really gives a shit at their age how everybody else is doing? I mean HONESTLY. THey are children, they are still learning and the ONLY person it serves, is the parent so that they can feel all smug about their own child.

I think you're being really restrained actually. I'd be trying to put miles between myself and someone who has to get their kicks putting down other children. I mean what sort of human being is she really?

handlemecarefully · 30/11/2007 13:54

Exactly foxin, and she has upset Ditzymum's ds too!

mm22bys · 30/11/2007 14:16

ignore, ignore, ignore. Every child is at a different level, and learns at a different speed. It's not where he's up to, or his speed, just so long as he has someone at school who is helping him learn at his speed with his particular learning style.

Your "friend" is the one with the problem. I wouldn't bother with her anymore TBH. There are better, nicer people out there!

thetoothfairy · 30/11/2007 23:08

I agree - ignore it totally!!! My eldest had special support for spelling and maths when he was little (not suggesting yours needs it by the way - this is just an illustration of my child) and has just had his Cambridge interview this week!! They just develop at different rates and all will be fine. Feel sorry for people who need to compete with other people's children imo - they are usually a little insecure. You and yours will be fine.

p.s. I'd also be annoyed though because your ds is upset and we all have quite enough to cope with!!

helenhismadwife · 01/12/2007 11:34

she doesnt sound like much of a friend to me, very odd questions to ask a child. The fact that it has upset your DS would be enough for me to just keep away from her as much as possible

Blu · 01/12/2007 11:43

I think I would adress it pretty head on, but verl coolly.
'Can I just be clear that I didn't send ds to XX school in order to enter some competition? You seem keen to find out how he is doing and are making assumptions about choices in schooling. I'm glad your ds is happy in school, I'm v happy that my ds is happy in school. I don't think it's approppriate to quiz our chilodren as part of the 'who's right' exploration you have mentioned in the past'.

Leslaki · 01/12/2007 12:01

ignore her and concentrate on making ds feel better! She is sad and insecure - we have all these playground mums too at our school and I know some of them root through book bags to find out reading levels of other kids! As another poster said, staying on the 'lower' levels gives your child a great foundation as they are confident and secure in their reading before advancing. The mums who shove their children through the early stages too quickly - and teacehrs do allow this to happen to get the mums off their backs - don't do their children any favours.

Do you have any nice Christmassy books that are dead easy to read? Baby books or early readers? You and DS could do something special together by letting him read the story. You could go through the book, take a note of any unfamiliar words and introduce them to him today, then tonight ask him to read it as the bedtime story. The wee soul will probably be dead chuffed at doing an adult job - reading the bedtime story! That's what I did with ds (5) when he had similar experience last eyar. Now he is coming on in leaps and bounds and really enjoying reading!

newgirl · 02/12/2007 17:07

i dont think you can respond because then it shows you do care

if it came up sometime, id make a joke about it - ah yes, ds reported back to me on that' or similar - you wouldn't have to say much, im sure she'd cringe

cornsilk · 02/12/2007 17:16

This is so annoying - I have a friend who is always banging on about her child's reading level and when I go round his book is always lying on the side, I think she puts it there on purpose!

Original poster
Ditzymumofone · 02/12/2007 18:00

Leslaki, the irony is he is actually doing really well but doesn't believe he can do it. As for the levels, its such bloody crap! Did laugh last night as he has a habit of creeping around before he goes to sleep and tends to 'aquire' objects in his bed. Last night he fell asleep with Jeremy Clarkson's book of Sunday Times coloumns ! Not that the Oxford Reading Tree covers that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ditzymumofone · 02/12/2007 19:17

Must point out that he obviously can't read Clarkson!

OP posts:
Hekate · 02/12/2007 19:26

You know, I'd be pissed off. If this was my friend you know what I'd say to her? I'd say "Look do you want to tell me exactly how me paying for my son's education out of my own pocket is any of your damn business?"

I do HATE people who stick their damn beak in on your personal choices.

Tell her when she writes a cheque for your bills, you will welcome her opinions on your life choices.

Drives me nuts, I tell you!

Hekate · 02/12/2007 19:26

Not that I'm sticking my beak into your life and trying to tell you what to do or anything............

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