Managing visitors with anxiety and COVID

[HellsBells11]

I have postnatal anxiety ( mixed with ‘normal’ new mum anxiety) and am struggling to manage my anxious thoughts. Most of them are rational but exaggerated. I’m getting support with it and it’s improving. However, I am due to go on a holiday shortly with the in laws. They are very nice people but are not exactly risk averse. They’ve done things like drink tea whilst holding baby etc also BIL smoked over him once. This would annoy most people but made me furious and makes me feel I have to be hyper vigilant to look out for other stupid behaviour constantly. My husband is supportive but deep down thinks I’m overreacting I think.

I’ve got to spend a week with them and apart from being hyper vigilant I don’t want them passing him round like a doll and I really don’t want the other kids touching him or anyone kissing him (pandemic). Even if OTT I can’t deal with it atm. One time my nephew came over and he was stroking my baby’s face and it drove me round the bend. Any advice on how to manage this for a week would be appreciated. How do you say politely ‘don’t kiss my baby’ for instance. Thanks.

Tough one to call but it might be worth hatching a plan in advance and saying you have been advised by the doc or health visitor to limit the amount of cuddles and passing round like a joint. That way it'll take the weight off you / make it easier to chip in and remind anyone that does go in too close.

You're making the effort and going to stay with your in-laws which sounds like it's a big deal and has taken some considerable effort to start with. If your husband is supportive I'm sure he'll be on board with the idea of telling a little white lie and fibbing re: the advice you're following.

Besides and even if you were flat out abrupt and brutally honest in saying “Can you not maul / stroke / hover over and smoke near my child?” it'd be unreasonable for anyone to really take issue with it at least enough to create about it.

Try and enjoy your stay with them and though I know it's easier said than done, try not to let the worry about it get you knotted with anxiety before you've set off.