I'll preface by saying that DM has always been difficult, and I had a tricky childhood, and was NC and in care from 16-20 (not actual care due to my age but in a specialised homeless unit for young people facing parental and domestic abuse). She was physically and emotionally abusive for much of my child and teenhood and generally made life very difficult for me.
Anyway we're years on and have found a semi-functional relationship. I am disabled and currently have a serious knee injury, made more serious by my disabilities. Family and friends have rallied to make things easier for lovely DP and I since June when I had a fall, and the only people who haven't taken part in helping have been my own direct family (for which I feel awful about, especially when my excellent in-laws have done so much for us recently).
DM and DSis came up to visit this weekend and I'm just exhausted. She framed it as if she knew what she was coming into, knew I couldn't get anywhere at the moment, and was happy to hang out with me in the house as well as potter about. Since she's got here, she's told me I'm lazy and making up a serious knee injury and disabilities diagnosed by actual doctors (she doesn't believe in medicine). She's scared our already fearful rescue dog, intentionally, by staring at her in the eyes long and hard for absolutely no reason (dog people will know this is incredibly intimidating to most dogs). She has undermined my partner, and made her feel awful too.
When DP took our dog out for a walk, DM immediately went into viper mode and totally lost it including repeatedly slamming doors and screaming at the top of her voice about how she had had an awful weekend and not seen me, how she wanted to explore the place we live, and I had ruined it. Apart from the fact that she actually has been going out and exploring all day whilst here anyway, she knew that I can't go and do these things with her. I made it very clear pre-visit of my current capabilities. And yet apparently it's completely fine to lose it at your quite vulnerable DD, who can't physically move away from you as you scream at them.
I'm so exhausted. It's either NC or full contact with her because she doesn't understand boundaries. It's impossible for her to understand LC as an option and she gets quite angry and emotionally (and physically, if we're in the same space) violent if I tell her that I don't want to deal with her behaviour anymore.
Help 