Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be feeling guilty about key missing family wedding photos

25 replies

ToastyFingers55 · 15/08/2021 18:20

We had our wedding a couple of months ago now and I'm struggling with the guilt of not capturing key photos with my family. Not one single photo exists of me, my wife, my mom and my dad together.....(We do appear separately)

55 people were in attendance on the day and we felt it went pretty well. It was an evening wedding with a late ceremony straight into dinner. Me and my wife were being pulled from pillar to post but managed to spend time with everyone. My mum was front and center for the day and I had some nice words in my speech along with a bunch of flowers. It honestly never dawned on me that those photos were missed.

My wife, probably just trying to comfort me thinks that it shouldn't have fallen just to me to organise those missing photos. She thinks that my mom, best men or another family member could have been proactive in making sure some decent photos were taken as we were very busy. In my heart I don't quite agree - too busy to remember a few key family photos? Only my side of family were in attendance at the wedding which is why I feel I should shoulder ultimate responsibility.

The photographer was also useless. He was obssessed with artistic pictures of inanimate objects and attempting to get all sorts of creative shots in the dark. Suffice to say none of them came out well. He had specific instructions of who people were but many groups were not captured.....

....however I feel like ultimately it was my fault. Even if the photographer is rubbish we all have camera phones these days. Now there is no picture my mom can look back on for the one time her son was married.

Am I being too dramatic? Should everything else that went well during the day involving my family count for more than what I'm feeling guilty for?

Just to stick the knife in, as my wife is foreign we are having a ceremony abroad with her mom, dad and friends. I can guarentee those family photos will not be missed.

I have since spoken to my mom to apologise. I said it wasn't my intention to miss the photos and it slipped my mind. I didn't go on the offensive with some of my wife's views on it even though I felt them a little. I think it helped but my mom is not the type to brush it off lightly. She may weaponise that failing in future (Not my fault and a whole different story!)

Am I being too hard on myself? Should I do anything else to move on from this? Do I just need to take an L on this one?

OP posts:

StarDrawers · 15/08/2021 18:24

If you gave the photographer a list of key photos then they should have made sure to get them.

Walkingthedog46 · 15/08/2021 18:33

I really understand you feel upset. When my daughter got married, the photographer was given a list of photos to be taken ahead of the day. no idea how it happened, but there are none of the my daughter and me, nor of the bride and her sister, or any family group on our side. He got lovely photos of the groom and his parents/siblings. Just like yours, there were plenty of pictures of the bride’s shoes, champagne glasses and other useless stuff plus multiple pictures of the same random guests! I don’t agree it was up to your mum (or me!) to stand at the photographer’s elbow to make sure he followed the list. We were too busy hosting - but waiting to be called forward for the pictures.

M0rT · 15/08/2021 18:41

This is your photographers fault!
We gave ours a list of the groupings we would like at her request before the wedding and she made sure they happened on the day.
Some would definitely have been missed if she hadn't as your just so overwhelmed and trying to make sure you speak to all your guests.
Don't let your DM weaponise this, you did your best.
Also if you have a photo with your family and you but not your wife that will probably be fine, that's the one my MIL framed

Walkingthedog46 · 15/08/2021 19:00

Following on from my previous post - I even took the photos on a memory stick into a photographic shop to see if they could somehow cobble together a group photo using individual photos of the three of us. Unfortunately it wasn’t possible because different lighting and photo depths of the best. So very disappointing.

Shmithecat2 · 15/08/2021 19:02

They're just photos. I didn't have a photographer at my wedding at all, only pics I see now are ones that other attendees posted on Facebook. 9 years later, it's still not a problem.

Throckmorton · 15/08/2021 19:03

Mate, it's a photo. They were there for the day and saw you get married. They presumably have other photos of you all together (if not - easy fix, just suggest a posh meal out and take a camera!). It's not a big deal to miss this one picture, and none of it is your fault!

TwoMountains · 15/08/2021 19:06

I’d be upset about this too.

Our wedding photographer made sure that we had the groupings we requested, such a shame that your photographer was obsessing about artistic and creative shots instead. And your wife is correct in saying that other guests could have been more proactive.

TwoMountains · 15/08/2021 19:10

They presumably have other photos of you all together (if not - easy fix, just suggest a posh meal out and take a camera!).

Actually, on this note, I know a few people who hired photographers to do additional photoshoots around their wedding, so a photoshoot of them all dressed up in their wedding gear on a separate day from the wedding day.

Noodledoodledoo · 15/08/2021 19:18

I ended up not paying the balance for our wedding photos as they were rubbish. One - in all the photos taken and we insisted he release everything to us - of all the family and my grandma is not looking in the right direction.

So many groups missed, clearly given list, barely did anything at the receptions.

It caused a lot of upset at the time, however I asked all who were there to send me pictures and I have a fab wedding album I made with a whole mixture.

If you gave them a list and they didn't follow it I would ask for money off the price.

PinkiOcelot · 15/08/2021 19:24

Honestly, try not to dwell on it. My SIL took our photos and did great, I got over 500 photos of my day and over 300 on the night. My album is in a box under my bed. I honestly can’t remember the last time I looked at it.

Mrstamborineman · 15/08/2021 19:27

It doesn’t matter, take some when you are all together.

bloodywhitecat · 15/08/2021 19:31

If it makes you feel any better our photographer didn't even show up ! (Which makes me sad as the whole reason we got married at haste was because DH has a terminal diagnosis).

Original poster

ToastyFingers55 · 15/08/2021 19:40

@bloodywhitecat

If it makes you feel any better our photographer didn't even show up

! (Which makes me sad as the whole reason we got married at haste was because DH has a terminal diagnosis).

I'm really sorry for that. Puts my 'issue' into perspective. I do have a rather controlling mum and sparks can fly between her and my wife.

OP posts:

User27569 · 15/08/2021 20:03

We ended up with terrible photos from our wedding due to covid reasons - I was convinced last minute to postpone our original photographer and ask a family member to take the photos in order to stay within the number allowed.

Terrible decision which I regret massively. If you can't arrange another event to take some photos e.g. anniversary party...then don't pay the balance on your photos and pay for someone to photoshop something together.

user1471457751 · 15/08/2021 20:10

As well as giving the photographer a list of names with who they are, did you actually give them a list of groups you wanted photographed together? If you did, then he is at fault. If you didn't, then it's you.

Angel2702 · 15/08/2021 20:13

Definitely the photographer’s fault if you had asked for specific photos to be taken. Ours had a written list and before she finished went through the list to make sure we had everyone we wanted and added a few that we’d forgotten to ask for.

Lalliella · 15/08/2021 20:14

Put your finery back on and get someone to take more pics!

TwooThirty · 15/08/2021 20:21

Absolutely the photographer’s fault. They should have asked you beforehand for groups/specific requests.

She thinks that my mom, best men or another family member could have been proactive in making sure some decent photos were taken
All of these people would have been risking overstepping if they tried to micromanage your photographer. It shouldn’t even have occurred to them to do this unless you or your wife had asked them to beforehand (and why would you?).

BillMasheen · 15/08/2021 20:22

If it’s any consolation, I was rummaging in the cupboard of doom today, and found the box with my wedding album in them. Underneath some baby keepsakes.

I haven’t looked at the photos since I put the keepsakes into the box.

DS turned 12 recently.

Katefoster · 15/08/2021 20:23

This happened with my grandparents. I feel absolutely awful but the day just gets away with you. I wish someone had said because i do feel really guilty

Hoppinggreen · 15/08/2021 20:25

Sounds like the issue here is your mother.
Pick as side (preferably your wife)

ToffeePennie · 15/08/2021 20:25

That’s horrible, did you hire a photographer? He/she should have discussed what you wanted before hand.
I didn’t (best man’s partner is a photographer so he did it for us) and I told everyone to bring their phones, cameras, videos, whatever, I wanted no posed shots, nothing formal. The only photograph I really wanted was everyone outside, all together. We discussed it before the wedding and our best man got everyone together for it, so yes, I do think your wife is right.
At the end of the day they are just photographs!

Kite22 · 15/08/2021 20:36

Put your finery back on and get someone to take more pics!

This ^
What's done is done. No point in crying over spilt milk as they say.

My top tip for all people planning to get married it to make a written list of photos that are important to you (look through other people's albums and then translating them to your own circumstances). Then make sure the photographer has site of it when you meet them PLUS have a printed copy for them on the day PLUS get someone (might be an usher or just someone you know will do a good job of it) to hold a list and start gathering people for the next photo on the list.
This means that you don't miss crucial ones you want, and, when you get onto groups, you don't look back and find Grandma was missing or whatever.

As your day has gone, then get dressed up again and take some photos of the shots you have missed.
Yes, the photographer should have done better. Up to you if you want to try and demand they come and take the extra shots or just write it off, but being angry at him / her won't create the shots.

Ginger1982 · 15/08/2021 21:22

I would be upset about this too. My wedding photos are lovely but I really wanted one of me and mum in the car when I got to the church (my dad had passed on) but when we got there, a crisis had erupted as the minister hadn't turned up so it got forgotten.

WimpoleHat · 16/08/2021 08:17

Not one single photo exists of me, my wife, my mom and my dad together.....(We do appear separately)

Can you put the ones that exist separately “together” in some way? A multi aperture frame, a photo book? Agree it’s irritating, but, as others have said, the fact that they were there on the day is far more important.

Flip