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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad I don’t get on with my sister

18 replies

Concerned67 · 15/08/2021 18:00

We got on well as children but in our late teens and early 20’s argued a lot and didn’t get on. It seems everyone else has great sibling relationship. We are in our 40’s

OP posts:
BrilloPaddy · 15/08/2021 18:04

I'm 50 and now NC with my sister.

It's so much better - I'm not spending every moment waiting for the next attack, and she's still trying to control me via our parents but it's all met with that big old grey rock I found.

You're not alone Flowers

Carycy · 15/08/2021 18:16

I never got on with her as a child. We get on OK now through the kids but have such different lives we don’t see each other much apart from at each other’s houses for the odd birthday party/ bbq, normally hosted by me.
I feel sad at this time of year when everyone is on a family holiday. She couldn’t ever afford to do anything and I think more than a few hours with her and her husband would lead to murder so it won’ t happen.
I try and create a big family type life through our friends.

Original poster
Concerned67 · 15/08/2021 18:16

Do your parents bring it up much?

OP posts:
BrilloPaddy · 15/08/2021 19:22

My Mum tries constantly, but Dad has never really got involved.

It's awkward but much less awkward than faking it.

dancinfeet · 15/08/2021 19:31

My sister hates me, we have been NC for 12 years now

burblish · 15/08/2021 20:59

My brother and I have recently admitted and accepted that our dynamic is toxic and we are both better off not being in each other’s lives. It’s sad, but more than that it’s actually a relief - better no relationship than a dishonest one that brings neither of us happiness. As another poster said, it’s less awkward than faking it. We’ve said we will be civil on the odd family occasion so that it doesn’t put other family members in a difficult position, but it remains to be seen how that will play out in practice!

viques · 15/08/2021 21:02

Haven’t spoken to mine for 20 years. Such a relief not to have to wonder about what nastiness she was going to come out with.

MaMelon · 15/08/2021 21:05

I get on OK with my sister but we live at opposite ends of the country and rarely see each other - it’s mainly the occasional text or message. I think if we saw each other more often we’d have fallen out by now. We’re very different people, she is very religious whereas I’m an atheist so we have little in common, and I find her very difficult to have a normal conversation with. I’m really envious of others who have sisters they get on with and have a good giggle with.

DH is NC with his sister but she’s an absolute witch so she’s no loss.

It’s quite sad really.

Notimeforaname · 15/08/2021 21:09

My sister hates me. Tormented me. No contact on and off for the last 17 years. Total no contact this time , since 2014.

Was told to keep trying..for my parents. It nearly ruined me.

I learnt my lesson. We wont speak again.

Notimeforaname · 15/08/2021 21:11

Haven’t spoken to mine for 20 years. Such a relief not to have to wonder about what nastiness she was going to come out with

As awful as this sounds...its comforting to know I'm not the only one with a sister like this. Flowers

CoffeeRunner · 15/08/2021 21:11

I get on with my brother although we rarely see each other.

I don't get on with either sister. My mum spent many years playing us off against each other which is possibly why. Undoubtedly we all blame each other for things that were never our fault but too much resentment has built up now.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2021 21:14

I'm an only child, but I know far, far more people who don't get on with their siblings than those who do. Overwhelmingly so. Many of whom have been NC for years and years.

SwimmingUnderwater · 15/08/2021 21:17

I don’t get in with mine. We didn’t get on as children, but there is quite a big age gap. Apart from a period of about a year I have never got on with her. I don’t really like her to be honest. She finds me pretty intolerable too. I haven’t seen her for nearly two and a half years and don’t miss her at all. We send sporadic texts but nothing personal and it’s not a relationship at all really. Very sad. I’ve spent years being upset about it, but as we get older we have less and less in common and it’s not going to change.

snackodactyl · 15/08/2021 21:18

you’re not alone. mine was a narc and has gone NC on me. liberating and yet disappointing at the same time, esp as parents are not alive anymore. hey ho, one life to live and all that.

flowerpootle · 15/08/2021 21:20

I am distant with my sister. We were exceptionally close as children and bonded very intensely because of our dysfunctional parents. But as adults we are not close. I find her undermining, volatile, attacking, unpleasant. She would say that I'm unreliable and superior (I think - based on earlier attacks). Distance from her is healthier for me.

Mum2jenny · 15/08/2021 21:22

I’ve never really got on with my dsis but I think it’s because we are so different. I do like her but we have absolutely nothing in common

MasterChefz · 15/08/2021 21:27

NC with my sister. She absolutely makes my mental health so much worse . She really
really dislikes me and it got so twisted and manipulative ( our relationship) and enough was enough. Fuck that shit

broccolibush · 15/08/2021 21:28

My younger sister and I don’t get on at all. My older sister doesn’t get on with her at all either. Our parents continue to try to push the relationship because our younger sister is the golden child but neither me nor my older sister have time for her because she’s so toxic.

My mother has a concept that we should forgive family any wrong because “it’s family” (strangely this doesn’t correlate to me setting boundaries). I see it the other way round. We should treat our family better because we’re related. It doesn’t bear out in my family and I have a DN I have never, and will never) met.

I wouldn’t allow a stranger to treat me the way my sister treats me. Her duty of care to me is greater than it is to strangers. She is nobody to me.

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