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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my 17 year old dad to drive 20 miles away.

46 replies

Kaylasmum49 · 15/08/2021 17:03

My dad has just passed her driving test on Friday, I’m so pleased for her as she failed first time and was devastated. She has asked me if she go on a drive to a small town 20 miles away with her friends tomorrow. Of course I have said yes but I am really worried. The road is a dual carriageway all the way but there have been many serious accidents on that road. My dad is a sensible driver but I’m worried that when she has her friends in the car she will show off and not concentrate as well she should. I want to ask her not to go but I know she will be disappointed if I do.

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 15/08/2021 17:42

@insancerre

Do she has passed her test and presumably has a car But has to ask permission from mummy before she can drive her car Time to cut the apron strings

More likely mummy had provided the car and the insurance because she isnt old enough to do it herself. We are talking about a 17 year old, schoolchild (or just left) they are not even an adult yet in most uk nations and it is sensible to give a bit of guidance to proceed carefully.

fringeneedsatrim · 15/08/2021 17:43

@FatPatsCat duel carriage way = 70mph if it's national speed limit yes I know I'm being pedantic but I can't believe how many people sit in the outside lane on duel carriage ways doing 60 because they think that's the national speed limit!

Anyway OP, maybe go for a drive with her on some fast roads and through a busy place before she goes with her friends, chat a bit during the drive so that she can understand the distractions, make sure she checks things like blind spots properly, looks out for bicycles at junctions etc. It may help both of you.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 15/08/2021 17:46

I passed my driving test in order to be able to commute to university at 18. Two days after passing I started driving there and back, using two motorways and crossing a city centre, every day.

If she can drive well enough to pass the test, she needs to start using all sorts of roads and in all conditions to hone her skills. She’ll be fine!

fringeneedsatrim · 15/08/2021 17:49

Make sure she has P plates to alert other drivers that she's new to driving.

FatPatsCat · 15/08/2021 17:50

[quote fringeneedsatrim]@FatPatsCat duel carriage way = 70mph if it's national speed limit yes I know I'm being pedantic but I can't believe how many people sit in the outside lane on duel carriage ways doing 60 because they think that's the national speed limit!

2bazookas · 15/08/2021 17:50

When our sons passed their driving tests, they were not allowed to have friends as passengers in the car for the first month of solo driving. Too distracting, and too competitive.

saraclara · 15/08/2021 17:51

She's passed her test. An examiner found her fit to drive anywhere, or she wouldn't have passed.

As long as she's confident enough to tell her friends to shut up if she gets to a bit of the journey where she needs to focus to make decisions, she'll be fine.

Bagelsandbrie · 15/08/2021 17:55

I would be nervous too - I have an 18 year old dd who thankfully doesn’t drive yet- so I understand how you feel BUT she’s passed her test which shows she can drive to the standard required… I think the more she drives the better really. She does need to be mindful not to let her friends distract her though.

Soverymuchfruit · 15/08/2021 18:17

If she goes, suggest she agrees with her friends in advance a "safe word" to tell them to STFU if she needs to concentrate on driving while they're chattering. I still do this myself. I use "hush". It is much less stressful than getting all the way through "could you be quiet now please" at moments when you suddenly need to concentrate.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 15/08/2021 18:17

A qualified professional deemed her safe and capable enough to be on the roads..
Maybe be more supportive of her independence?

Notaroadrunner · 15/08/2021 18:31

Ds was ferrying friends to town, 15 miles away, after he passed his test. The novelty soon wore off. I let him go despite me being nervous. They have to learn. He was out recently with friends and was detoured up a very steep hill in a slow moving line of traffic - his friend said after the stress of watching Ds he thinks he won't bother driving for some time In fairness I'd hate to be caught in slow moving traffic on a steep hill.

newnortherner111 · 15/08/2021 18:47

I'm with you OP, especially with the (usually men insecure about their manhood) idiot drivers there are on dual carriageways, and those who have a fear of using the inside lane.

SofiaMichelle · 15/08/2021 18:53

@30degreesandmeltinghere

A qualified professional deemed her safe and capable enough to be on the roads.. Maybe be more supportive of her independence?

I agree.

If you don't think she's capable of driving 20 miles, in the daytime, surely she shouldn't have been able to pass her test?

Also, if you stop her doing this sort of journey, where do you go from here?

VenusTiger · 15/08/2021 19:09

You need to take her out onto a dual carriageway AND a motorway OP.

We moved out into the country when I was at secondary school, so a good 45 mins journey through dark winding roads to school when I was doing my A Levels - as soon as I passed, my parents popped a 'P' on my car and I was off on my own on some main roads to school and back - you need to trust her, but maybe ask her friends to let her concentrate whilst she navigates new territory - literally speaking.

Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 15/08/2021 19:13

She’s passed her test, she has a car she needs to use the car and go places to build confidence and practise it’s 20 miles. She’s not flying to the moon.

My son passed in June, he’s been all over in his car, motorways etc. It’s scary letting go and you’ll still worry but my son is very careful and a good driver.
Hopefully you’ll let your child drive the car she’s passed her test and been deemed competent so put some confidence in her it will only do her good.

Whatinthelord · 15/08/2021 19:15

I think you have to let her go. Whenever she does it for the first time it will be scary.

Could you do a small drive with her first? Maybe onto and off the duel carriage way so you know she’s has a practice before doing it with her friends?

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 19:21

I think you should let her.

I went allll over my city when I first passed my test.
It's exciting, new freedom.

KatieB55 · 15/08/2021 19:29

Driving instructor told each of our kids that they should not take passengers in the car for a month after passing their test. We knew lots of teenagers that put their cars into the Somerset ditches close to having passed their tests. It takes time to get used to speed, braking distance and own car and best to do it with no distraction.

spooney21 · 15/08/2021 19:39

I would be worried too but I remember picking my friends up the day after I'd passed mine (age 17) and took them out.

user97495 · 15/08/2021 19:40

So I was allowed to drive where I wanted straight away and was fine. That said, I have sons, we have agreed that we will buy the cars, lessons and insurance on the condition that aged 17-18 they follow our rules (after 18 they can do as they please) and one of the main restrictions will be friends in the car, that will not be happening as soon as a week after passing. I don't have any links but the stats demonstrating the increased risk when a young man has a passenger of a similar age is absolutely terrifying. My DH is a professional driver so he will make sure he's happy they are competent on dual carriageways etc before they do it alone (whilst recognising independent driving is when you really learn!) and it'll depend on a few different factors as to when we will be happy for them to drive friends.

I know that probably sounds really heavy handed, as I say it's only within the first year, I think UK driving rules are too lax compared to other countries for new drivers. If they don't want to follow our rules, they're welcome to fund it all themselves.

soughsigh · 15/08/2021 21:03

I'm another one whose parents let me do a 27 mile drive with a friend and my 15yo sister in the car a few days after passing my test. My friend and I were very sensible though (born 40 😂) and my sister was used to being in the car with me.

You know her best and what's she's capable of. You could suggest just taking 1 sensible friend (who preferably has passed their test or is learning to drive themselves) rather than 2, there is less chatter between them?

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