My family always seem to be at each other's throats and I'm tired of being in the middle. I don't live in the same town as my family having moved away due to work and my own family life (married, own a house, baby). My mum doesn't speak to her brother, sister and mum (so my aunt, uncle and grandma) but I speak to my aunt and grandma (don't really know the uncle well).
My brother (18) lives at home with my mum and they have a very fractious relationship. Both of them use me as a sounding board moaning about the other and frankly it's exhausting. My mum moans about how lazy brother is, they're constantly shouting and swearing at each other, my brother is destructive and kicks doors in the house, he gets locked out by my mum etc etc so he is always moaning about how horrible she is. She has thrown furniture at him, him to her, she has smashed his phone, ripped headphones off his head at night when he is being too loud etc. Then the next day they're acting like best friends again.
I am probably guilty of getting too invested in it and trying to help resolve situations and give advice. But I feel like I don't deserve to be treated the way I have.
Yesterday my brother got asked to start work early but he lied to them and said he couldn't (he could he was just being lazy) all of which he told me whilst thinking it was hilarious. So I told him that his attitude was ridiculous and how could he expect work to be flexible with him if he never helps them. In between me replying to this message, my mum starts sending me messages about it saying my brother had made a huge fuss saying he was already working 8 hours and wasn't working anymore. So I sent him another message saying he has a poor work ethic (based on what he had said to my mum) so he sends me a message back telling me never to speak him again. Which I think was extreme reaction to me telling him something he obviously doesn't want to hear.
In shock, as I usually get on well with him, I send a message to my mum and say brother says he doesn't want me to speak to him again and send her the screenshot. She then has a huge go at me telling me I shouldn't have told him what she had said about him saying to her he was already working 8 hours etc, that I'd deliberately set out to make her out to be a total a*hole and now my brother would be moody with her and it was all my fault. So I questioned what she meant when all I'd said to my brother was he had a poor work ethic and and she sent me a load of horrible messages saying I always make her out to be the bad person (I don't) and she was done with me. So I simply said she was upsetting me and not being very fair and she continued to say mean things. So I stopped replying. I got really upset and ended up having a panic attack because I just couldn't believe how such a small thing had escalated so quickly. None of my messages were confrontational, all I said was she was upsetting me. This isn't the first time and she often goes months without speaking to me and blocks me on social media over really innate, stupid things.
I've definitely learned a lesson not to involve myself with my mum and brother and will be no longer listening to them complain or try and offer advice. I'm not used to confrontation because even when my husband and I have silly arguments they never escalate and we can always tell each other how we feel.
So apart from the fact I've learned the lesson not to get involved (please don't have a go at me for saying what I said, its obvious to me now that I should have stayed out of it) AIBU to be upset at how both of them have treated me and not to speak to either of them until I get an apology? I'm tired of being walked all over and giving in and letting people upset me.