To be friends with ex-SIL? Or is the timing too bad?

[Katiebee008]

I have a 6 year old niece, my brother's daughter. His ex got pregnant very early on in the relationship, so I have know his ex for about 7 years. We became very good friends, best friends basically. My brother was an arsehole a lot of the time and they eventually broke up for good about 3 years ago. My friendship with her continued until there was an incident that caused us to fall out about 2 years ago. However, we stayed civil because my relationship with my niece is important to me and facilitated through ex-SIL as my brother only has contact once a week.

I've been helping ex-SIL out a lot over the summer with childcare, which I offered to do because I have a lot of flexibility with work and know ex-SIL struggles to find childcare because of her shifts. Our friendship has naturally grown and we are having days out together with the kids etc.

Now the issue is that my brothers new girlfriend has recently found out she is pregnant. She is also seeing my friendship with ex-SIL develop and confided in my brother that she is upset about it because it feels like I've chosen his ex over her.

As far as I'm concerned there's nothing to choose between. I'm not close with my brother (I'm a single mum with very little support from my ex, so I absolutely judge my brother for his lack of involvement in my niece's upbringing). I have met his current girlfriend a number of times and think she is lovely. I have been kind and welcoming to her. I just don't see them often because my relationship with my brother has deteriorated.

I don't really know what to do. Again its a relatively new relationship and in all honesty I gave up on befriending my brothers girlfriends a few years ago because he always fucked them about and then I would lose a friend. So I am a bit more distant I suppose. Also she is early stages of pregnancy so perhaps I should be a bit more sensitive to her feelings. But I don't know her well enough to spend time with her without my brother and I don't particularly want to spend any time with my brother. Am I wrong to start rebuilding my friendship with ex-SIL at a time when it is is a bit insensitive to my brothers girlfriend?

Or am I massively overthinking this?!

You have been friends with ex SIL for 7 years. Even if your brother marries this new girlfriend you are entitled to carry on your friendship. It’s totally separate from your brother and his girlfriend.
You say you don’t see them very often. So you’re expected to give up a friendship for people you see now and again? I don’t think so.

Your brother’s new girlfriend doesn’t need to know anything about your friendships.

I think it’s fine and lovely you’re helping out with your niece. Maybe make more effort to get to know your SIL a bit better, perhaps because you’ve got kids and she’s pregnant that could be a way in? Independent of your brother.

Your friendship with your nieces mum is nothing to do with your brother or his new girlfriend.

"My primary interest is in retaining good relationships with the mothers of my nieces and nephews"
Rinse and repeat.

If you like the new one maybe invite her out shopping and for coffee once a month.

For fucks sake, your brothers gf does not get to dictate who you are friends with at all.

It has nothing to do with her how you met ex SIL.

To be fair to her i don't think she is trying to dictate who I am friends with. As I said she is a very lovely woman. I suppose though that this makes me question why she has said this to my brother, and if its not to stop me being friends with ex-SIL, its could be because she is feeling a bit insecure about her place within the family. And so I should reach out and see if she wants to spend some time together, maybe when my brother is working. She has kids already that are a similar age to mine so maybe a playdate.

How does she even know you meet up with your ex sil? Just keep it quiet, keep your brother and his current gf off your social media. If you don’t talk about it, they can’t know, can they?

@cherrysoup my niece tells them...

You sound like children

You sound like a really lovely aunty. Your relationship with your brother isn't great and I admire you for not letting that impact on your relationship with your niece.

There is no harm in making a little bit more of an effort with the current gf, especially as she is pregnant. But your relationship with her can exist alongside your friendship with your niece's mum.

I would take anything that your brother tells you with a pinch of salt.

I would take anything that your brother tells you with a pinch of salt.

Basically my life motto!

You sound like children

@flameycakes how so?