I have learned that narcissists draw upon others to bolster up their own self-image. However, now that the grandchildren (ie my children) of my narcissistic mother are producing fewer celebratory mentions in assemblies or swimming trophies, and now that my own accomplishments are waning as I age, I have noticed an increase in "disappointments" felt by my mother. Here's the AIBU - I am wondering if these disappointments could actually be weaponised and used as a tool for me to deal with her. I need something, otherwise I'm going to NC the fuck out of it all.
I have read a lot about toxic parenting and my mother is the poster-child for narcissism. She despises weakness, 'feels' imagined slights daily, blames me for every difficulty my family has encountered, has a grandiose opinion of herself (her "brain in unparalleled"), disciplined me with forceful smacks as I was growing up ("Well, lions cuff their cubs"), used me (as a child) to steal a flashy household item for her, refused to come to my wedding because she "doesn't do sentiment", focuses on analysing my children's 'failures', refused mental health treatment when the neighbours called the police on her because of her bizarre behaviour ... and so many more examples are vying for inclusion here ... so I am confident that she is a narcissist.
I read that they are incapable of empathy and love, so I accept that the 46 years I've spent trying to elicit that have been wasted and I'm ready to start protecting myself and my immediate family. She has no other family - they have all emigrated or blocked her - so I am always the white-hot focus.
YABU - Playing the role of the disappointing, insipid, weak adult child won't work and she'll just up her game.
YANBU - It's an interesting approach to coping with a notoriously difficult disorder. Go for it.