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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with colleague?

54 replies

granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 07:31

Posting for traffic :)

I started a job in the banking industry last month. I am 21 and this is my first proper job - I am not used to the cutthroat culture.

One colleague doesn’t like me. We got on when we first met, then it transpired that she is dating someone at work and he kept talking to me. She confronted me and asked what was going on between him and I! I was oblivious to the drama as I didn’t know they were together and we were just talking about work, nothing inappropriate.

Since then:

  • she gives me dirty looks whenever she sees me and otherwise ignores me, making it difficult to work with her
  • she randomly passed me on lots of her caseload and it is all a mess, nothing has been done properly and will take me hours to rectify. Very complex
  • when I asked her for help about this (ie to clarify her notes) she refused and said “it’s a you problem.” I’m still training and don’t have all the knowledge to deal with this alone

But at the same time, she’s very popular at work so I don’t think a complaint would go far. What should I do?

OP posts:
Immunetypegoblin · 15/08/2021 07:36

Do you have a line manager? Go to them first. It's all in the phrasing. "X has passed along these particular items, and I'm having trouble understanding quite what has occurred. I did ask X if we could discuss these items but she informed me that I needed to deal with them myself. I'm not sure I will be able to do so without assistance though. Please could you help me?"

That is the key, professional, point here. The rest of it is important to you, but an aside in terms of getting the job done. Focus on the professional point and your line manager will notice and appreciate it. They will also probably know X is being obstructive tbh.

girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 07:36

Speak to your manager. Say you need support and x wasn't able to help so you wondered if there was someone else who could.

something2say · 15/08/2021 07:40

My best tip for workplace politics? WORK. Head down, focussed work. The dramas will just pass you by this way. When things are sticky and awkward, get on with your work and stay out of it. I have used this successfully for years.

Withgasoliiiiine · 15/08/2021 07:56

I agree with everything immunetypegoblin says but would add a suggestion to make all of your requests for clarity by email so if she keeps refusing to help, it is in writing and your back is covered if any problems arise from this. Copy in your LM. It's not about 'telling', it's about doing all you can to get the job done, and bringing any obstructive behaviour out into the open rather than struggling with it yourself in the dark.

Is she senior to you? I would ensure that her passing so much messy work to you is out in the open too, and not just something she is doing without anyone else's knowledge. Raise it with your LM in the context of how it affects your capacity.

The boyfriend stuff and her dirty looks etc I would just try ignore day to day, hard as that sounds. She will only deny individual incidents however maybe keep a record in case you want to report to HR.

Dashel · 15/08/2021 08:02

If your work is taking longer than it should due to her then you need to speak to your manager as they will think you are slacking.

Ask for help via email next time or for her to clarification, although I wouldn’t copy the manager in to the first request. She will probably ignore it, so how long can you leave it before starting on it?

Dashel · 15/08/2021 08:04

I wouldn’t be telling your boss about talking to the boyfriend as it sounds a bit school playground.

Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 08:29

Thanks for your help!

Sorry, I should have been clearer. It’s the workload that has been dumped on me which is the problem. I won’t bother my manager with the rest

She isn’t more senior in title. Honestly the cases passed over to me are that full of errors, I will probably have to do overtime to comb through it all (I have my own caseload and diary too)

I wish I spoke to her over email and got her response documented! I must do that in future, thanks for the tip. In fact, I think I’ll come in early tomorrow to start on it, and email my manager @Immunetypegoblin’s wording.

OP posts:
BabyRace · 15/08/2021 08:31

Why is she passing her work to you anyway?

Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 08:38

It’s a good question. I think it’s just a power play

OP posts:
Frugblie · 15/08/2021 08:41

Agree, speak to line manager but keep it professional and work related, ie x has passed these on and said they weren't available to help, can you please advise where I can find the info etc.

Theunamedcat · 15/08/2021 08:42

Contact your line manager explaining you have had extra work passed on to you from X and your having difficulties completing it

CrazyNeighbour · 15/08/2021 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrazyNeighbour · 15/08/2021 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LakeShoreD · 15/08/2021 08:48

Does she actually have any authority to be dumping her work on you? I’d be looking to tell her that if she’s struggling with her own caseload then she needs to take it up with her manager, and sorry but your busy with your own work and you can’t pick up anything else unless it comes through the official channels. At the very least make sure it’s all done via email and that you copy in management so there’s a record of her passing on her crappy work. But I would definitely speak to your manager. You also mention overtime- is this paid? I’ve worked in banks and in my experience they wouldn’t be best pleased to find out that an employee is claiming overtime, plus the stuff that comes with it (e.g. late meal allowance, taxi home if in the office) to do work that isn’t even their responsibility.

Sportysporty · 15/08/2021 08:59

Boundaries at 21 are a good thing - overtime to help the company/team/manager often a good thing
Overtime because someone is a jealous bitch - setting yourself up for a life time of subservient pain

MsHedgehog · 15/08/2021 09:00

You will need to ignore her childish behaviour. I know it’s hard, but you will come across other people like that in the workplace in future and the best response is to be all la di da di da, ie you don’t care.

Re the work, speak to your manager, but not in a complaint kind of way if you don’t want to complain when you’re so new, which I understand. You can approach it by saying something like “X has been passing me her caseload to do, and I’ve noticed she has done this like that. I thought it was meant to be the other way round, could you clarify so I make sure I’m getting it right.”

Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 09:10

@LakeShoreD do you mean that management will look dimly on me doing overtime, or on her actions?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 15/08/2021 09:10

Be careful with the overtime thing unless you have agreed it with your line manager, they understand that you are being given someone else's work and they agree with it. but yes, moral high ground....nice as pie to everybody, all work communication with bitch colleague via email and take the work issues (nicely) to your line manager.

godmum56 · 15/08/2021 09:11

[quote granddesigns1]@LakeShoreD do you mean that management will look dimly on me doing overtime, or on her actions?[/quote]
they will look VERY dimly on your doing ovetime without it being agreed and on someone else's work.

Makerlady · 15/08/2021 09:13

@Immunetypegoblin

Do you have a line manager? Go to them first. It's all in the phrasing. "X has passed along these particular items, and I'm having trouble understanding quite what has occurred. I did ask X if we could discuss these items but she informed me that I needed to deal with them myself. I'm not sure I will be able to do so without assistance though. Please could you help me?"

That is the key, professional, point here. The rest of it is important to you, but an aside in terms of getting the job done. Focus on the professional point and your line manager will notice and appreciate it. They will also probably know X is being obstructive tbh.

This
Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 09:14

Right so I’m only going to come in 30 minutes early (or less?) I don’t want to get in trouble for unnecessarily doing overtime. That should be enough time to outline an action plan for these cases, and I’ll correct the errors later

What’s the best way to inform my manager that I’m coming in early? I was going to say something like:

“I decided to start work early this morning to review these particular cases. Some of them are complex and I didn’t want to detract focus from the rest of my diary.”

But don’t think it sounds right

OP posts:
MsHedgehog · 15/08/2021 09:16

I think you should mention your colleague gave them to you, so he’s aware.

Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 09:18

Okay, I won’t do overtime. I’ll just come in 10 minutes early and do what I can.

I have appointments all day so it’s difficult to simultaneously sort this out whilst carrying those out.

OP posts:
MsHedgehog · 15/08/2021 09:21

Speak to your manager! You really need to speak to your manager.

Original poster
granddesigns1 · 15/08/2021 09:25

I will speak to him. I start work at 9am and he starts work late tomorrow, so I was going to email him as I won’t be able to speak to him first thing

OP posts: