To have screamed at the telly?

[Delke]

I had an outburst yesterday and screamed at the telly. I’d just got back from a dog event in a different part of the country and all the way home was day dreaming about having the kind of life that this dog woman had (she makes around £600 a week doing something she loves). Anyway I got home and put escape to the country on. A young couple were viewing the most amazing house in Kent, 10 acres of land, 5 fields, stables, a swimming pool, so quiet and peaceful. It was up for £900k and the couple smiled as they proudly exclaimed “ooo that’s under budget!”. I lost it and screamed at the telly. On reflection, it’s made me realise I’m unhappy. I hate my job (I’m a nurse and make around £300 a week). I love my house (4 bed detached) and realise I’m incredibly lucky for what I have but I’m just not happy. I need to get out of nursing but I can’t do anything else. I spend all day masking and it’s exhausting. I need to find something I can do on my own terms like the dog woman. I’m religiously practicing a craft at the minute hoping to eventually make some money out of that but it won’t be enough.
Ever since I watching that program I feel very weird, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s hard to explain, I feel like I’ve come teararsing up to a cross roads and I must choose the right one. It’s not about wanting to be rich, it’s about wanting to be happy. Anyone else ever had a moment like this? I feel like ditching my career NOW and forcing myself to get my arse in gear to do something I enjoy

How do you only make 300 a week? And afford a four bed house? These programmes are designed to make people feel their lives are not good enough. I strongly advise you stop watching if it makes you scream.

Surely £300 is around minimum wage? Even a recently qualified nurse should be on more- are you part time?

Where the hell in Kent was that? Round most parts 900k buys you a 4 bed detached and that's it!!

£300 a week as a nurse???? Surely not. That cannot be correct. And on that you afford a four bed detached?? Are you actually trolling us?

@balloonsintrees

Where the hell in Kent was that? Round most parts 900k buys you a 4 bed detached and that's it!!

This!

Bit of an overreaction to scream at the TV…
I hate to sound cliche but comparison really is the thief of joy.
The couple searching in Kent may have worked long stressful hours to earn so much or they may barely work and simply have wealthy parents… who knows but ultimately life isn’t fair 🤷‍♀️
Getting so worked up watching people who seemingly have a better life is not productive. I’m sure some people could react the same to finding out you have a large 4 bedroom house.

That being said, it’s definitely not unreasonable to want to improve your life and change careers.

@balloonsintrees

Where the hell in Kent was that? Round most parts 900k buys you a 4 bed detached and that's it!!

A lot of those escape to the country programmes are repeats from many years ago when prices were a lot lower. I saw one the other day and it said at the end it was from 2005.

Ok, so you're a student nurse. That makes more sense. So presumably the four bed detached was bought on your salary from your previous career?

Op, if have a lot of money is this important to you that it is making you this unhappy, why the hell choose, at 43, to retrain as a nurse?!

£300 a week and a 4 bed detached house?

Is it the nursing you hate or the department/colleagues? Can you apply for other nursing roles or look into training for a different profession within the health sector?

If you want change then start being proactive NOW. Staring at the TV and comparing your life to others isn't going to get you anywhere.

My advice: keep the craft as a hobby unless it's something you can do quickly and has very little cost attached because so many people think they can sew/knit/make cards etc and sell them but when you actually factor in labour and the cost of wool/fabric/whatever for each item you can't price them high enough and make them quickly enough unless you are producing really, really high quality.

I say that as a crafter and a bookkeeper!

Comparison is the thief of joy. It's a very true statement. Look at how you can realistically improve your life. What is it that is making you unhappy. If it's your job, apply for another position/promotion. Are there training courses you could do around your work so you could change career?

Is £300 a month after all expenses?

It's easy to see one side of one's life. Now imagine she is diagnosed with cancer tomorrow. She can't carry out her job/hobby any longer. She has dogs she can't look after. She has no money coming in and can only relies on benefits. She can't pay the rent and her landlord is looking to sell her property, or even if she owns, she can't afford to fix the leaking roof.

She is watching a documentary about someone who is facing the same battle with cancer. She sill receives 100% of her income and building holiday time. Even if she can't go back to work in 6 months, she's have double pay for another 6 months and still accumulating holiday time. She doesn't have to worry about her home. She has much better knowledge of the system and can speak directly with consultants and managers about waiting times etc... She can be positive about recover and resuming life as is after her treatment having lost nothing and no worries about starting again.

She screams how unfair life is. Everything is relative. You need to focus on being grateful for what you have. Totally get being in a job you dread going to, but you do have some options, even if they seem far away at the moment. Don't set your mind on the positives of other people's life. For almost every positive, there will be a negative.

I didn't scream at a programme I saw in the week, but my eyes fell out...exaggeration...Homes under the hammer, a chinese phd student bought a house in Fulham for 875 grand , had a budget of 300 grand to do it up. The had sold his property in China and his parents gave him the rest, Wow!!
Not at the Fulham prices, but at such a young guy, he seemed lovely and the end result was to die for, put its worth up to 1.5 million

@balloonsintrees

Where the hell in Kent was that? Round most parts 900k buys you a 4 bed detached and that's it!!

It may well have been an old programme, ETTC is often repeated.

Can you explain 300 a week as a nurse?

How do you possibly only earn 300 as a nurse. Im a hca my starting salary is 1500 a month before tax before increments, so say i work 2 weekends a month and nightshift my wages are 1900 minus tax im walking away with 1700..if i take an extra shift im earning 1800.
So how do you starting at band 5 possibly be earning 300

I totally get it, OP.

I’m a solicitor. Worked in private practice in a big firm up until a few months ago. Had one of those jobs where they basically own you. I had a good reputation in the area. I was promoted. Told I was on course for becoming a partner in three years. On paper it was great. I was succeeding.

The reality of it was that I was utterly miserable. The stress of the job, particularly during lockdown, was killing me. I was drinking too much. Hardly saw the kids (or so it felt). Put on so much weight because I wasn’t eating properly. I was just obsessed with work. Keeping on top of it. Keeping one step ahead.

One day I caught myself staring furiously at someone working in Tesco and thinking “God. Your life must be so fucking easy” (I didn’t know this person. I knew nothing about their life). Sheer jealously and so horrible (I’m not remotely proud of it - felt like a total nutter). And I realised then that something needed to change. It was like it all came tumbling down on top of me that day and I sobbed in the car.

I was at a massive crossroads. I could continue, become a partner, excel in my field and make great money - give the kids great holidays, a nice lifestyle etc. Or I could walk away and take my life back. But would that make me a failure? Was I just taking the easy way out? I had no idea what to do. I also had no idea what else I could do. I didn’t think I would ever find something else because the area I practiced in was so niche. I felt very lost and trapped.

In the end I quit the job. I took a role which was to be honest a big step back. Still a solicitor role but far less intense. I took as much of a pay cut as we could bear. Maybe I am a failure by not being able to cut it in the big firm. I know some of my colleagues will have seen it that way. But I felt that my children had to be my priority and my time and my mental health were more important than money and success.

It’s early days but i feel like I can breathe again. I’m now starting to address slowly the other parts of my life that have been making me unhappy. And it’s easier because I’ve removed the main stressor.

I think if something in your life is making you unhappy, you need to change it. You just don’t know what’s around the corner. Start now, because it’s not always immediate. It took me a good few months to change mine.