Every single year of our 11 year marriage, my husband says, "your birthday and our wedding anniversary are coming up, let's go to [names flashy restaurant] for dinner". 'Luckily' we are within 30 mins drive of a large number of gorgeous, quite expensive restaurants and I LOVE food so it should be an easy win.
However in recent years I just haven't felt like it. Last year I persuaded him to stay local, as our town also has some incredible although not-so-swanky restaurants. I don't feel like getting all dressed up and waltzing off to dinner.
In the old days a swanky meal out was a huge treat, romantic, fun, and always led to mind-blowing sex. Nowadays these meals out, once a year, leave me feeling ... can't put my finger on it... hollow? Feeling grief for the fact we are a middle-aged couple definitely not having great sex after our anniversary/my birthday meal out.
I know how DH sees this: ieasy win. Birthday and anniversary dealt with in one go; he ccan double the budget and take us somewhere nice.
I've tried saying, 'that's lovely but it would be even nicer to stay local, we can stroll into town and that way we can both have a drink.' But he just ignores me and finds another restaurant with an even NICER menu, and asks if I'd like that better.
So, aibu - if yes then should I just nod gratefully and accept a lovely meal out?
For context he is a misery guts about his own birthday, I have to badger him to let us do anything at all. So this meal in his eyes is definitely an anniversary celebration, rather than a birthday thing for me. But because it falls so close to my birthday, sometimes on the day itself, I feel like I'm celebrating my birthday without my friends and kids, at a restaurant I wouldnt have chosen to go to, pretending to be happy to please a DH who definitely doesnt want to have sex with me later.