To be worried about my son?

[bentleydrummle]

I posted this on behaviour/development but v quiet on there so trying here instead.

I'm so worried about my 7yo DS and am looking for any advice or reassurance.

He is delightful, well behaved at school, loving and affectionate. He has a great wide vocabulary and field of knowledge. However, he is behind in a lot of ways. His reading has been an ongoing saga....I first raised concerns with school in reception and he is now about to go into y3, although obviously yrs 1 and 2 were very disrupted. He still struggles with what should be simple words, eg were, could, their, and his decoding isn't great, eg sometimes he will say the wrong vowel sound in a word like "sent" or say no for on etc. His writing is pretty indecipherable.

He failed the eye test in reception and he then started to wear glasses. He has v poor vision in one eye and had to wear patches for almost 2 years, to strengthen his weak eye. During lockdown we missed kids of appts with opthalmology and they did telephone appts where they recommended phasing out the patches, only to find when we went back that his bad eye had massively regressed so we had to start patching again, but once he was 7 they said the patch was unlikely to be effective anymore and he was discharged, and since then the opticians have said his bad eye has regressed.
He was referred to an Ed psych by his y2 teacher and she said he had no signs of dyslexia and is above average for cognitive ability, and his reading issues are linked to his eyesight issues.

But he also struggles in other ways, eg he went to swimming lessons from
Birth until covid (now on waiting list to restart) and he could never really swim a proper stroke except doggie paddle. He can't ride a bike despite us trying to teach him, can't tie his laces.

Today I was reading with him and he started to cry talking about y3 and how they will be expected to read things themselves and he "feels sick" because he can't, and he says there have been times when he has got upset at school and had to take "time out" because he has got upset about not being able to do the work and his throat feels constricted and he feels sick. School have never mentioned this.

I just feel so sad and worried about him, he is just an adorable little boy but is 8 in September and the oldest in his class. His older brother is all round high achiever both in terms of academics and sport so it's hard for him to see him do things effortlessly when he struggles.

I'm really at my wits end with him and not sure where to turn. Any ideas?

I will definitely continue to praise and encourage the drawing. He can see he is better than his brother at it and it does give him a boost.

Ds1 did all of these things effortlessly and I literally mean without any effort. Just sat on a bike and rode it straight away. And now even I feel a bit annoyed with him about how everything comes so easily to him, it seems so unfair!

Take him to the GP and ask for a referral to a paediatrician. I would write down all your concerns/areas of concern so you can explain coherently what you would like investigated.
How much do you understand about his visual difficulties? The school will need a detailed report about his levels of vision and what adjustments need to be made so he can access school life. As a PP said, if his vision is very poor then he will be entitled to support from the Specialist VI teacher.
I would also arrange a meeting with the school SENCO. Again, take your list of concerns and then ask for their ideas and recommendations.
There is so much that can be done to support children who are struggling, but there are also many children who need support so you need to start pushing and insisting that your child is one of them.

OK your update about your elder child doing things effortlessly adds to the need to remember that the effortlessly ease is not the normal situation.

Almost every child has battled to learn to ride a bike. But got there in the end.

If referrals take time and you can afford it i would look for a private Ed psych, I suspect covud will have caused backlogs and disrupted an already shit system ( lots of stories of having to fight for referrals and heel dragging).

One strategy I read about recently was to always have the subtitles switched on when they are watching tv. Even though they won’t actively read them it does apparently improve reading a great deal (assuming they watch telly).

You sound lovely, he will get there. It’s a huge shame he’s dreading school because of this, do insist on regular discussions with the teacher.

Some of the things you are worried about are in the normal range . His reading is ok and it is quite normally to struggle with swimming / tieing shoe laces at this age

I'm a primary school teacher of many years. It does sound a bit complex - dyspraxia occurred to me too.

Presumably school are concerned or there wouldn't have been a psychology assessment? Unless you organised that privately?

Don't assume he'll 'catch up'. Yes it's possible, but more likely if he gets the right support. Attainment at 7 does give a good indication of possible difficulties, it's in the early years (up to around 5) where it's harder to tell.

The eyesight / reading/ drawing contradictions are what stand out as odd to me. Sounds like some kind of perceptual difficulty. He must be able to actually SEE the words and letters, from what you say.

Definitely push for more investigations- or pay privately, if you can?

Definitely agree that to catch up, extra support is important, whether for an SEN or because of eye problems. Our school was good with that.

Also while it may be normal to struggle with some thing at 7, it is really disconcerting when you see other kids reading, swimming, riding bikes etc easily from 4/5 onwards. I knew my DS was clever from conversations with him and his insights, vocabulary etc so I was always amazed to see what other kids could do so easily and he couldn’t. (Not that I let him know that!). They’d just read street signs, climb a tree, pick up riding a bike in an afternoon, do those loom band things with ease etc. You are feeling for your child feeling left behind while also worrying what the issue is. Around this age is the hardest I think because it takes time for it to all become clear and find the way through.

That's exactly how I feel @QueenPeary.
We were just in holiday in Scotland and did 5 days at a wildlife field centre and he was just lapping it all up, asking the rangers a million questions. A grandmother who was in our group said to me "he's a deep thinker isn't he?" And she's right but I bet she have been gobsmacked to see his writing or attempts at reading.

That scenario you describe of being very interested, absorbing information etc but having poor reading and writing skills is not uncommon, though usually seems to apply to boys - as a teacher I've known many in my time. It doesn't preclude specific learning difficulties, though. (Although many I've known have never been diagnosed).

Another possibility is ADHD (or without the H). They lack executive functioning skills such as the ability to plan, organise etc. My dd has it and she is very good orally. Did learn to read ok but never became someone who liked reading,and really struggled with writing. She also had very poor fine motor skills which didn't help with the latter.