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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is this taking the Michael

46 replies

dryasaboner · 14/08/2021 15:37

When your other half comes back from playing golf then proceeds to come back after 5 hours away then lie on the sofa and fall asleep

OP posts:

Biblionerd · 14/08/2021 16:03

Wouldn't you have the time whilst he's on the golf course? You need to give us more information. Do you work/have children to take care of, does he generally do this? Does he generally do his share of chores? Are chores all Saturdays are for? Does you/he work in the week? Is this your only day off together? Did you have plans?

MoiraRose4 · 14/08/2021 16:04

Another ‘thank god I’m single’ moment. I’ve spent the morning out with the kids doing a sporting activity and just woken up from a nap on the sofa. Bliss. Do you enjoy being a martyr?

icedcoffees · 14/08/2021 16:05

@dryasaboner

Have two older kids and one five year old . He's a hurricane

If you have a young child then YANBU.

He had his morning playing golf while (presumably) you did childcare. So wake him up, hand him the 5yo and go off and do something for yourself.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/08/2021 16:06

In that case, he's being an utterly selfish dick and you are not being unreasonable at all!

As seen in other thread, am the kids with saucepans and wooden spoons and suggest a fun game of 'let's go and wake Daddy up'.

Hopdathelf · 14/08/2021 16:06

If you have an issue with the division of labour vs leisure time in your household then you need to speak to your husband, not Mumsnet.

SpiceRat · 14/08/2021 16:08

@dryasaboner

Have two older kids and one five year old . He's a hurricane

Then you need to speak to your husband. Hand through 5 year old over and say that he’s had his morning off childcare duties and you’re taking the evening off. Don’t martyr yourself and communicate your expectations.

CagneyNYPD · 14/08/2021 16:08

It really does depend on the situation. So, if you have young dc and you have been running around all day, then he is taking the Mick. Same if you have just moved house, in the middle of building work and stuff needs to get done pronto etc. Or if he had agreed that some particular was going to happen/ get done.

But if you have no dependent dc, elderly relatives you are responsible for or jobs that must be done today, then all is fine. But I wouldn't be busting a gut to sort dinner for him.

Lumpwoody · 14/08/2021 16:09

Yup. Another one glad I’m not living with anyone . Had friends found last night and went to bed late, had an appointment this morning, came home and had lunch and then a nap.

Sod the chores. I’ll do them whenever.

MotionActivatedDog · 14/08/2021 16:11

So you go out all day next weekend and have a snooze when you get back.

CagneyNYPD · 14/08/2021 16:11

Just seen your comment about the hurricane-like 5 year old. YANBU. So when do you get your 5 hours out and then get to come back for a nap?

I have a feeling that if you did go out, you would return to the house in a state. Right or wrong?

VladmirsPoutine · 14/08/2021 16:15

@MotionActivatedDog

So you go out all day next weekend and have a snooze when you get back.

Why do posters always suggest these sort of crazy ideas. Like 'Book yourself into a hotel for the night with a bottle of wine and leave him to it'.

It achieves nothing in the big scheme of things and more often than not it's just not a workable solution for the parent (mainly mother) who's currently carrying all the weight of the household on her shoulders.

MotionActivatedDog · 14/08/2021 16:16

Why do posters always suggest these sort of crazy ideas. Like 'Book yourself into a hotel for the night with a bottle of wine and leave him to it'.

I know, totally crazy to suggest a woman spends 5 hours away from home and has a nap when she comes back, exactly the same way her partner has just done. Bonkers. Unfathomable. Insane.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/08/2021 16:17

I'm glad we finally agree Motion

MotionActivatedDog · 14/08/2021 16:17

OP tell him your out next week. Then actually go out. You’re allowed. It’s not crazy. Women are allowed to leave their homes. despite what others may try and tell you.

qualitygirl · 14/08/2021 16:24

Yanbu OP but YABU to let him get away with it. You need to speak up, hand hime the dc and get out...it is literally THAT simple!!!

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 16:24

Well I wouldn’t be a golf widow anyway but yes I’d be fuming . Hide his clubs so he can’t go again .

fringeneedsatrim · 14/08/2021 16:25

@VladmirsPoutine why is it a crazy idea for the mum to tell DH that they are going to go have some me time for a few hours? Unless they're trying to be a martyr? It's all about balance, not a race to have the most miserable life. Hand over the kids, go poodle round a garden centre, have a coffee, sit on a park and read a book.. it doesn't have to be expensive, just a bit of head space. Surly that's what grownups do in relationships... give each other some me time which can only benefit both at the end of the day.

icedcoffees · 14/08/2021 16:26

Why do posters always suggest these sort of crazy ideas. Like 'Book yourself into a hotel for the night with a bottle of wine and leave him to it'.

Yeah, how dare they behave just like their husbands!

KrisAkabusi · 14/08/2021 16:28

@Imnothereforthedrama

Well I wouldn’t be a golf widow anyway but yes I’d be fuming . Hide his clubs so he can’t go again .

Or alternatively, have a conversation with him like an adult, and don't act like a child.

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 16:30

Or alternatively, have a conversation with him like an adult, and don't act like a child.

Get you with your childish response obviously it’s a bloody joke

toocold54 · 14/08/2021 16:46

YANBU I think it’s fine to have hobbies as long as they fit in with family life. If he’s gone for 5 hours then he needs to be making it up when he gets back.
It’s not tit for tat but you also need to have time away from the house without the DCs too. You could start a hobby or just meet up with friends for lunch.

You are right to ask advice on MN as that’s what it’s for! But I do think you need to chat with your husband too as some men are very good at ‘not realising’ things need to be done around the house. I’d be telling him what you want him to do eg the laundry, cooking etc and on the weekends you need time to yourself.

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