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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my job

20 replies

wanttomarryamillionaire · 14/08/2021 12:08

Having not worked for 5 years due to my youngest dc special needs,i finally decided to go back to work in April. The job is full time shift work ( nhs) in a stressful environment, on top of an hour commute each way. Imo the salary is an absolute piss take for what is expected of me and the responsibilities i have. I dread the thought of going into work. My house is constantly a tip and we are living on junk food! Ive been feeling gradually more and more depressed over the last month and had put it down to menopausal symptoms, but it's suddenly hit me this morning that it's probably my situation causing it. I really want to quit today ( im supernumerary due to still training) so I wouldn't be leaving them short staffed on Monday when im due in. However as im a single mum quitting would mean going back on benefits which I feel bad about, fwiw im not much better off financially by working. AIBU if I leave?

OP posts:
eyeoresancerre · 14/08/2021 12:13

If I were you I would stop working for a while in that particular job. An hour each way commute and long shifts - it's no wonder you don't have the time or the inclination to tidy. Take a pause, go back to benefits for a little while and have a look for something that might be a bit easier in terms of juggling children and work. Good luck for the future. It sounds like you have the grit and determination to juggle a busy life but maybe not in this particular job. X

ilovesooty · 14/08/2021 12:13

Would you even be immediately eligible for benefits if you leave your job voluntarily?

Original poster
wanttomarryamillionaire · 14/08/2021 12:17

@ilovesooty

Would you even be immediately eligible for benefits if you leave your job voluntarily?
Yes because i have a child with special needs.
OP posts:
Gladysthom · 14/08/2021 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Poptart4 · 14/08/2021 12:47

I was in your position. Years at home with a special needs child then went back to work full time. I was exhausted, my house was a mess and I felt guilty because I barely saw my children.

After 2 months full time I spoke to my boss and luckily they agreed I could go down to 3 days a week. This was the perfect balance for me and my family.

I need to work for my own sanity but I've realised I'm a long way off going back full time.

If going part time isnt an option then quit. You tried but its clearly not the right time for you to be working.

Germanbreadsticks · 14/08/2021 13:07

So get another job.... 🤨
It's absolutely fine to hate you job and absolutely fine to quit and get another but it is not absolutely fine to just go back on benefits because you've discovered you don't like this job. You don't need to be on benefits anymore and clearly you are capable of working so you shouldn't be entitled to benefits just because you don't want to work. That's not what they are there for. Show a good example to your kids and go to work! Work hard and find a job you love if it makes you this unhappy to work in a job you hate but either way, don't teach your kids that it's okay to sit back and expect everyone else to take care of you just because you don't feel like it! This is everything that is wrong with the benefits system! It should not be available for you to abuse. Either you can't work and you need it (absolutely no problem with that at all) or you don't (which clearly you don't) and therefore you shouldn't be entitled to it.

Original poster
wanttomarryamillionaire · 14/08/2021 13:08

I can't work part time and tbh even if i could im not sure id even want to do that. I just feel bad living on benefits and I know it sounds awful but I feel embarrassed when people ask me what i do and have to say i live on benefits.

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 14/08/2021 13:09

If you can I would stick it out until you find another job.

latissimusdorsi · 14/08/2021 13:17

I think your main problem is it's full time hrs (which in itself is a huge jump from being a SAHM) and an hour long commute!
Can you speak to your boss about the hours just not working for you?
The think with nhs and other huge employers is it's often about getting a foot in the door and other opportunities open up.

Unfortunately many women who've been out of the workplace for a time find it difficult to get quality part time jobs.
I would discuss with your boss and see if you can stick long enough to find something else

SleepQuest33 · 14/08/2021 13:22

I wouldn’t pay attention to what Germanbreadsticks says.
As a mother of a child with SN I completely understand how hard it is.
I am not a single mother and my DH is brilliant, so I really cannot imagine how I would cope as a single parent.
However, think about your long term future. You need to build up your work experience which will increase your earning potential.
In your shoes, I would start looking for a job closer to home (or relocate), find something that might allow more flexible hours. Only resign once you have something else lined up.
I’m terms of junk food. I strongly recommend a slow cooker. They are great, just chuck in the ingredients in the morning and come back to a lovely meals.

Cattoes · 14/08/2021 13:24

You have my sympathy op. Your mental health is more important than any job, if you think it'll make you unwell to stay there you'd end up on sickness benefits anyway so what difference would that be from unemployment benefits, apart from the obvious, your well-being? To pp ranting on about benefits being abused, you know more is lost from big companies dodging tax? And slaving away at a shit job for shit pay, being devalued for your skill, is NOT a good example to our children, actually.

WallaceinAnderland · 14/08/2021 13:28

Could you stick with the job whilst you look around for something else? That's what most people do when they want to change jobs. Leaving without something else set up is a bit drastic but only you know how you feel about it.

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 14/08/2021 13:29

To the posters effectively telling the Op to suck it up, you obviously don’t have a child with SN are not a single parent and haven’t worked full time in the NHS!

Op there’s no shame in claiming UC your health is more important, plus I’m assuming you are your child’s carer, that is a job in itself and a bloody hard one!

malificent7 · 14/08/2021 13:33

Oh goodness yanbu...life is too short op.

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 13:36

Start looking for another job , I do agree a job that’s starting to effect you health is not worth it but just to quit with no other job is very poor IMO . I get that you have a child with special needs I do too but I’d never quit a job without another one lined up or I’ve temped and I’ve had a few crap ones over the years . I never just say I’ll go back on benefits I don’t think it should be used like that. Give it a few weeks to find something else .

Moominmammacat · 14/08/2021 14:16

UC is there to help ... give up, have a rest then find something you prefer.

Blueskytoday06 · 14/08/2021 15:41

Genuine question....would UC be enough to live on?

LaurieFairyCake · 14/08/2021 15:43

Could I ask why you couldn't work part time?

Is that just in your current job or in general?

You need a much better work life balance and part time work is still supported by UC Thanks

Justcashnosweets · 14/08/2021 15:54

YANBU at all OP. I work part time for the NHS, have over an hours commute each way and I hate it aswell. I've done this job for 20 years and I'm done. And I don't have a child with special needs. I would honestly leave while you are still supernumerary, it will be fine. It might be worth waiting until your child is older to find a job you want to do.

DamnUserName21 · 14/08/2021 16:44

Leave.

If it's care work, can you look for a part-time position in a care home?

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