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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU – to object to colleague’s constant sharing of videos of their nephew?

57 replies

clary · 13/08/2021 23:25

I have a young colleague who has a nephew (her brother’s child) and she loves him dearly. That’s great. But she is constantly showing pictures and videos of this child (who seems perfectly sweet and a normal 4yo). I am talking a three-minute video of an 18mo taking steps or a 2yo saying something vaguely comprehensible, or a toddler not very interested in an expensive toy.

I get that she is besotted, and so are her parents (only grandchild) but I am not. I have never met Oliver, nor his dad, and while I am sure they are lovely people, I am fed up with the endless videos.

We have mostly been working remotely but a few weeks ago we were in the office together – she seized the chance to catch me up on many many videos of Oliver and his latest amazing achievements. Oh my god please let me get on with my work! But no, I need to watch yet another video of a pre-schooler doing the stuff that all pre-schoolers do.

AIBU to be fed up with this? Should she not have some basic understanding of manners and common politeness? Is it not frankly rude to insist on your work colleagues watching endless dull videos of a child they have never met and never will meet, doing very very ordinary things?

I realise I have posted in AIBU and I am ready to be told I am and I need to suck it up btw. I genuinely want to know if this would annoy others.

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 14/08/2021 07:37

I very rarely show pics of my kids or indeed talk about them to anyone

Ragwort · 14/08/2021 07:40

Potted I so agree with you about the grandchildren pictures, it's almost as bad as people with their PFB, perhaps we need a new expression 'PFBGC', I have a couple of lovely friends who I always enjoyed a wide ranging friendship with, plenty of topics of discussion ... of course I am thrilled that they now have DGC but I really don't want to see endless pictures of the DGC.

newnortherner111 · 14/08/2021 08:17

I think you should tell her, and perhaps say you feel you feel it is intrusive.

Looubylou · 14/08/2021 08:26

Look for a few seconds, say something flattering, then," I bet you could watch him all day, but alas we can't", cue shift around in seat and focus on papers/screen.

AttaGirrrrl · 14/08/2021 08:32

Can’t you just be honest?

“Your nephew is very cute, but to be honest, I don’t really enjoy watching videos of other people’s children. Fancy a cup of tea?”

(I had to do this to my OH, who tries to show me endless videos of his nephew)

Pottedpalm · 14/08/2021 08:33

@Ragwort

Potted I so agree with you about the grandchildren pictures, it's almost as bad as people with their PFB, perhaps we need a new expression 'PFBGC', I have a couple of lovely friends who I always enjoyed a wide ranging friendship with, plenty of topics of discussion ... of course I am thrilled that they now have DGC but I really don't want to see endless pictures of the DGC.
It’s difficult without appearing churlish or jealous. I’m also tired of the ‘Any sign of your DD having one?’. What sign would that be? Still, at least I’m learning how not to be an annoying grandparent!
TinToms · 14/08/2021 08:36

@Looubylou

Look for a few seconds, say something flattering, then," I bet you could watch him all day, but alas we can't", cue shift around in seat and focus on papers/screen.
This is the way to do it I think!
Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 08:59

Oh we’ve all had colleagues like this , I had one who the 2nd walked through the door would tell me from start to finish a film / tv program watched at the weekend or a looooong tale of what the kids had done that weekend. This was before I’d took my coat off or had my morning coffee so I was a bit meh . I would nod smile fake interest but I got fed up of being polite it’s not work related and it went on far too long so I’d listen for a minute then say sorry I’ve got to get on now and turn away they soon got the message . It’s rude but so are they to be so self obsessed about themselves all the time and think your interested in every 2nd of their life , coincidentally these colleagues never ask about you . Time to be blunt op after a few seconds say oh that’s lovely but I’m busy or show me later anything they’ll get the message if your firm to the point of rudeness because they are being rude with the constant interruptions on non work matters .

Imnothereforthedrama · 14/08/2021 09:03

@pictish

I actually love the idea of filming your own pets/kids doing mundane tasks and showing it to the nephew-bore colleague. Ha ha!

Wish I’d thought of that with my former colleague with the Daily Jennifer. A similar mind numbing account of my kids’ existence. Not that I would have got a chance…there was just too much news about Jennifer. Is that a new top? Jennifer bought a top a few days ago. Look.

Oh I want to hear more about Jennifer 😂
BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 14/08/2021 09:04

Can you start the day with "I'm going to need to concentrate today, so pick your favourite short video and that will have to be it for today."

FoxgloveSummers · 14/08/2021 09:11

Here’s the way I tackled this: “ahhh she is so sweet isn’t she! I know this probably makes me some kind of psycho but I don’t really enjoy baby pictures and videos etc. Love kids in real life but just don’t enjoy watching them on a phone. Sorry!” Cheerful smile. And then reminder any time video came out. It did work (occasionally I get sent one still but she’ll always prefix with “I know you don’t really enjoy baby videos but...” so I can just reply with an emoji haha

Beebababadabo · 14/08/2021 09:14

I would give it a few seconds and just say "aww cute" then say I have to get on now or I'm just going to make a cup of tea/go the loo any excuse and keep doing it. If she insists you haven't seen him do the "amazing achievement" yet, I would say "ok one more video but not everyone is as obsessed with seeing your adorable nephew as you are" in a light hearted way.

MargaretThursday · 14/08/2021 09:24

Having teens gives you a different part to play.

Each time she shows a video, watch two seconds then say "oh yes, I remember when dc did this..." and go into a long winded story about how they did it at an earlier age and much better, and their nersary teacher said they'd never seen a child of that age eat a breadstick (or whatever) with such skill. 🤣

MuddyStiletto · 14/08/2021 09:27

Oh God, its like when people tell you about their dreams, smile sweetly then whack her over the head with a box file Grin do they still have those? Hmm

MiddleParking · 14/08/2021 09:29

God, how fucking irritating. I’d glance at the video then look (ideally wheeling my chair) away with a disinterested ‘aw’ every time. I have an absolute hatred of being shown videos of anything on people’s phones, but the child of someone I don’t know is too tedious to bear. And I love children!

lifeinlimbo2020 · 14/08/2021 10:09

@Redcrayons

I sympathise,I once watched 20 minutes of my colleague’s daughters Dance show because I’m too nice to say No.
Haha @Redcrayons I remember an achievement award ceremony thingy at my DS primary school. One mother was obviously very proud of her daughters gymnastics and was for some reason allowed to play a twenty minute video of her competition performance. Twenty minutes! All us other parents were sat there thinking "my god. I'm going to be even later to work because of watching this" 😫🤣😫
Original poster
clary · 14/08/2021 10:31

I'm so relieved I'm not BU to find these videos irritating. I need to do something and you all have great suggestions. My worry is seeming rude by saying I hate the toddler videos...but I could certainly plead prep for a meeting so I don't have time now.

It's a bit rude, but then she is being rude taking up my time. Other people on the team have children or grandchildren by the way but we don't have to suffer this from them.

Re the manager - ATM we are only rarely in so if I am in with video woman, the manager is wfh IYSWIM.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 14/08/2021 12:29

I just know my dad's friends feel this way about the endless photos and videos he shows around of my son 😂

FoxgloveSummers · 14/08/2021 15:49

OP it’s really not rude! It’s an appropriate reaction. She is going to get far ruder from someone in future if she doesn’t get the hint now.

SquirryTheSquirrel · 14/08/2021 15:58

I would watch it for 30 seconds and say 'That's lovely' and then make it clear my watching was over by handing the phone back/turning back to my desk or whatever.

Notaroadrunner · 14/08/2021 16:03

@clary

I'm not very good at that tho - seems a bit rude. Mind you I think she is being rude too...ok, next time I will say "oh sorry, I have a meeting, show me later?"
Don't tell her to show you later. Tell her you are busy doing the job you are all being paid to do and that you don't have time (or the fucking desire) to watch videos of her nephew. Put a stop to it, even if it means being blunt.
billy1966 · 14/08/2021 16:10

She is rude and annoying.

Tell her "no thanks, I've seen enough", with a smile.

She is rude, you need to be firm with her.

I have never, ever, been shown a video by someone, she's a freak.

WhatAShilohPitt · 14/08/2021 16:17

It’s annoying but the only way to make it stop is for her to know that you don’t want to see anymore. Some people are a bit self-indulgent and don’t notice / care when other people show subtle signs of disinterest. Showing very clear disinterest every single time would be my (cowardly, non-confrontational) way. ‘Yeah. Cute. Now where’s my pen gone.’ If that failed, I’d probably snap and say ‘he’s cute but there’s only so much interest I have in a child I’ve never met.’

WhatAShilohPitt · 14/08/2021 16:18

Watch for three seconds and say ‘yeah, I get the idea.’

BlueLobelia · 14/08/2021 16:19

I sympathise.

I used to work in an open plan office and one of my colleagues was obsessed with taking photos of trees. I would smile and nod smile and nod.

Until the day i was on the phone to a client who had just (wrongly and maliciously) been accused of sexually molesting his own daughter and she wandered over, shoved the phone right in my face WHILE i WAS TALKING TO HIM and said 'Look at this photo of an acer'.

trust me, my response meant she never showed me another picture again (and she was made redundant about 2 months later anyway).

In retrospect I should have told her to show me on lunch breaks only, or something else, but it is hard to believe some people are so fucking clueless.