AIBU to think there will be no pleasing our neighbour

[whatkatydid2013]

We are getting fairly extensive building work done. We are a few weeks in to what we expect to be months of work. We live on a pedestrian terraced road. The access isn’t great and the parking all around is limited. Currently we have loads of scaffolding up and the builders have a skip (with a permit) in the back lane. They’ve built a frame with wood & some kind of chipboard around the frame and across our back yard both to limit ease with which people can dump things in the skip and to prevent easy access to the scaffold.

One of our neighbours has been complaining about and to the builders regularly since the work started. Initial complaint was about dust on his car from dust and soot coming down as they were stripping off the old roof. The builders washed his car/yard then and again when they were taking off next section of roof. Tonight he caught me again to complain it’s unreasonable they’ve contained the skip as it makes parking difficult and that he sometimes can’t get access as they have stuff out in the street. Also that they should park elsewhere as vans are large/hard to drive past. Builder and I already looked to see if somewhere else nearby they could park but there really isn’t much space and with many people wfh & school holidays more cars about than usual so I’ve said I really don’t think there is a great deal we can do there but that I’ll ask them to look at if they could get the skip partially on yard or move so the boarding round it could be shorter and give him more space to swing in and to check again if they can get a hold of a lockable skip. He then complained they are rude/aggressive and example he gave was asking how long skip would be there and they said about 6-7 weeks and nothing else and didn’t apologise for the inconvenience. I offered to have a word with the guy in charge (who is lovely) and suggested we maybe could arrange for him to speak to him on Monday with me about his concerns. He said if I say something they will be worse then told me he doesn’t want to be difficult but he could be and there is a limit to his patience. I’m thinking at this point nothing I say/do is liable to make much difference. AIBU to think I just make sympathetic noises and do nothing at this point?

If you and the builders have done everything you can - and it sounds like you have- I would just reply non commitally "yes we all hope its completed as soon as possible"
And be thinking and if the builder sdisnt have to stop to wash your car every 5 mins and discuss the skip then they would be!!

Surely you should get the builders to reduce space taken up by the skip and wooden boards if they can. Especially if this is going to continue for months.

It's a short term problem you've done everything to resolve, he just has to cope with the minor inconvenience. When he needs repairs, new roof etc, he will do less than you have done I bet.

You are causing a lot of disruption and treating him like he is wrong to have any issues with it. YABVU.

@Dontwatchfootball

You are causing a lot of disruption and treating him like he is wrong to have any issues with it. YABVU.

In what way do you feel Im treating him like he’s wrong to have concerns? I’ve offered to try and rectify what I can and he’s essentially told me not to try but that he’s losing his patience and can be very difficult if he wants to be. At what point would it be acceptable to come to the conclusion he just wants to complain and not for us to actually try and help?

@NewIdeasToday

Surely you should get the builders to reduce space taken up by the skip and wooden boards if they can. Especially if this is going to continue for months.

Yep am happy to look at options with them. Hadn’t realised it was causing him any issue until he told me today as it sits about same distance from wall as our car did when parked outside. I think it’s a bother for him both as our car isn’t regularly there normally (we typically parked on the yard) & because it’s squared off & solid so much harder to see around when he’s pulling out

You've done what you can.

If he pulls you again just say I'll get my builder to come and see you to sort something out, hopefully it's not much longer and walk away.
It's not forever.

He caught you tonight to explain the issues he was having. You immediately told him there was not much you could do and then made it his problem to talk to the builder. You are getting a nice new house/improvement/whatever, he is getting all the mess, fuss and inconvenience. And your immediately skipped to him being unreasonable and you should not even try.

To be fair I’m sure he’d try to be considerate. He’s not a bad person and I don’t want to be unreasonable about any of this but the conversation tonight just left me a tad frustrated. I genuinely don’t know what else to suggest. While some building work is our choice a lot of it just needs doing. We had a leaking roof and a chimney that was one strong gale away from collapsing.

Your builders do not have to wash his car. That's ridiculous.
He needs to park it further away, which we had to do last week. Inconvenient I know but that's life.
I suspect that whatever you do this nighbour will continue to grumble whilst the work is being done. As long as everything is being done legally, you have nothing to worry about.

I've had a large extension and I've been the neighbours when one was done .
I have to say, being the homeowner was far easier to stomach. Being the neighbours is rubbish. Especially in the summer! I wouldn't have building works at this type of year for this exact reason.

I’m rereading what I wrote and all I said there wasn’t much that we could do about was the builders parking outside to do the work. I offered to discuss options with the builders about the skip. He then just moved to complain about something else & it made me wonder if he really wants to moan rather than to fix it. If the real problem he has is it’s just inconvenient that we have workmen in and nothing we do aside from not doing the work would make him happy I figure it’s pointless to try.

I think if, as you say, you will be causing them disruption for several months you should do everything you can to minimise that disruption and listen to their concerns.
Building noise from immediate neighbours is horrendous to live with, especially in summer when your work means they probably can't even open their windows.

Did you get on with this neighbour beforehand? Next time he complains, I'd ask him what HIS solution would be to the issues he raises. He will likely have nothing suitable, but you never know.

Yes, you are getting a nice house, but his property will go up in value too.

@Baxdream

I've had a large extension and I've been the neighbours when one was done . I have to say, being the homeowner was far easier to stomach. Being the neighbours is rubbish. Especially in the summer! I wouldn't have building works at this type of year for this exact reason.

What would have helped? Would anything have made a difference to you or was it just going to be crap no matter what? Our extension isn’t going to be big but we are getting loads of long overdue boring maintenance stuff done as well so it will take until November/early December time for them to be totally finished.

No building work can be done without some level of disruption, dirt, noise or parking issues. It's short term - crack on.

He doesn’t own the house (it’s actually a maisonette). Our street is a mix of housing association & privately owned. We’ve always got on fine (as far as I know at least). As I said before I think he’d do his best to be considerate. He & his wife are always nice to the kids and will have a chat over the wall. We try and be good neighbours and have picked up bits of shopping over lockdown, let him use our outside tap to save carrying water up & down for plants/car washing etc, loan each other bits & bobs. I’m not thinking of being rude I’m just wondering if sympathetic noises might be better than trying to fix issues raised if anything we fix is just going to be met with a new issue. I imagine I would be very easy to run yourself ragged and go to extra expense trying to make things better and not really getting anywhere. I know our neighbours on the other side are also a bit fed up of the noise in the day as one of them is still working from home but they’ve just shrugged and said it’s a pain but not forever. At least with them we’ve paid for having our shared chimney sorted out & for the builders to replace a few of their loose slates so they’ve got something out of it

Get them an inconvenience present. You are being an inconvenience and the best way to deal with it is either finish the build (you can't obviously), or suck up to the neighbours. It can't hurt.