“Could he be on the spectrum?”

[AlternativePerspective]

After reading this on a thread for what must be the 1000th time, why must every post about someone with undesirable traits always lead to this question?

Do people really think that anyone who has no empathy/lacks certain social skills/behaves in a certain manner must automatically be on the autistic spectrum?

Do people realise how offensive that is?

Sometimes people just don’t have empathy/just don’t have social skills/behave in a different manner to others, without there needing to be a diagnosis.

I realise that we have more awareness of autism now than in previous generations, but that surely doesn’t mean that every behaviour should mean someone is autistic/on the spectrum?

Same applies for anyone 45 plus who has tempers/is aggressive etc “could it be early onset dementia?”

Seriously.

I think it's some natural phenomenon of MN that autism must be suggested on every thread.
Like the natural phenomenon that it must be explained how dangerous fruit is on threads mentioning fruit

I agree entirely with both of you. As someone on the wrong side of 50 and with an absolutely lovely autistic child, it drives me potty

@Clymene

I agree entirely with both of you. As someone on the wrong side of 50 and with an absolutely lovely autistic child, it drives me potty

Don't mention your age! Over 50 it is not autism. It's always dementia.

I don't think it's a negative, it's more of posters trying to highlight, maybe that kid wasn't being a brat, but a kid struggling. If you have a non NT kid in your life, you are more than likely to know the pain of being judged by strangers for meltdown behaviours e.g due to sensory overload. And that's not being negative, it's being understanding that there are different causes and reasons for the way people act, not all of which are in their control all the time.

So overall - YABU.

Thank you for posting this, couldn't agree more. My daughter has autism and she is amazing 😊

An autistic child can still be absolutely lovely and still really struggle and meltdown in a moment if their needs haven't been met.

We don't say people that have epileptic fits aren't lovely do we?

YANBU. I don't find it offensive, as such. However I do find it a bit absurd. The idea that you could diagnose someone you have never even seen with a highly complex neurological condition simply by reading a post about them on Mumsnet is not realistic, in my opinion. I'd say the same about dementia, too.

I see where you are coming from about it being offensive, though I myself am not offended by it. I tend not to get offended by very much on MN. Other social media sites are a different story.

@ Nayday but it’s not just children though is it? It’s asked of anyone who exhibits certain behaviours, and generally these are not being referred to in a positive light.

So e.g. OP: “I’m really struggling, I’m up all night with the baby, have had no sleep for a week, and yesterday I broke down and started crying. DP just looked at me and didn’t even say anything. He’s always like this when I get upset. He never shows any emotion.”

MN’er: “could he be on the spectrum?”

When in a actual fact, he’s probably just an arsehole.

I hear ya, OP. I’ve just read a post that included the line “he sounds a bit spectrummy”. Like… WTF?!

@ AutistGoth I’m not personally offended by it, but I do think it’s offensive when usually it’s used to either excuse certain negative behaviours or to downplay someone else’s upset.

Not quite on topic but the other one that gets my goat is “is he always this abusive?” - something so patronising about it

Yes. The phrase does seem to be used more in reference to adults than children. You're right.

@AlternativePerspective

@ AutistGoth I’m not personally offended by it, but I do think it’s offensive when usually it’s used to either excuse certain negative behaviours or to downplay someone else’s upset.

Completely agree.

YANBU - in fact I started a thread yesterday on this very matter asking if MN were going to do anything about it given the new strategy on improving autism awareness and understanding

Link;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/4321281-Mumsnet-and-Government-autism-strategy

I’m absolutely sick of it and it’s in overdrive today with the horrific incident in Plymouth. Autistic adults without learning difficulties are fair game here. Comments or threads that would be deleted with regard to any other protected characteristic are absolutely fine apparently.