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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friendship - 15 yo boy/10 yo girl

22 replies

Daffin · 13/08/2021 14:53

This situation isn’t current goes back many years ago but to cut a long story short a lad I used to know said that when he was 15 - he had a friendship with a 10 year old girl he met on holiday. She even stayed occasionally at his house at that time! He tells me it was a totally non romantic in any way, a purely platonic friendship and knowing him I totally believe him - but AIBU to always have felt a bit eww!! about this? (even though definitely non romantic, and purely platonic) ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 14:54

Just to clarify she stayed with him in the months after they’d have met on holiday

OP posts:
SuperstoreFan · 13/08/2021 14:55

What the hell were the parents thinking? That is beyond inappropriate.

Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 14:57

That’s what I thought - even though definitely not sexual in any way as even in his 20s says he had 0 sexual experience

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 14:58

0 sexual experience with anyone that is - including women of his age etc etc

OP posts:
MK19590 · 13/08/2021 14:59

Beyond weird. When I was 10 I'm sure I had absolutely nothing in common with a 15 year old boy

UserStillatLarge · 13/08/2021 15:01

I could see that if they were the only vaguely similar aged children in the holiday place they might have ended up hanging out.
It's odd that she came to stay afterwards .... but I wonder if this was more a case of the parents becoming friends and wanting babysitting rather than the girl actually visiting him per se?

Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:02

I feel very uncomfortable with it. This bloke has suffered from bullying and social awkwardness all his life though and has had difficulty relating to his peers .. maintaining any kind of romantic relationship even when he was 30!

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:03

So no romantic relationships by the time he was 30 - just to clarify - and also very few/unsatisfactory friendship history

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:04

UserStillAtLarge you could be right - but when he recounted this experience to me later I really didn’t get this impression...

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:06

I got the impression it was a friendship between them and not ‘babysitting’ of any description and nowhere did he mention parents becoming friends

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Kanaloa · 13/08/2021 15:12

He struggled to make friends and couldn’t form romantic attachments until his 30s? Is it possible he was developmentally delayed and therefore was more able to relate to a younger child? I know my son prefers to play with either adults or children much younger than himself.

Either way where were the parents though?

Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:14

Kanaloa - yes I think your analysis is absolutely right - knowing the lad as I do. His parents would have been totally present in the house when she came to stay - I’ve no doubt about that

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:15

Kanaloa we lost touch in his 30s so he may still not have had and real sexual/romantic attachments even now - he’s single aged 48

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Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:16

I know he’s still single through Facebook even though we’re not friends on there

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Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 13/08/2021 15:16

If it was the way you describe it. Then it's not weird

Essentialironingwater · 13/08/2021 15:25

Well it sounds like he's not neurotypical. If I was the parent of the 10 year old I wouldn't be facilitating overnights etc but if be had delayed development or social issues it's not beyond the realms of possibility they genuinely had something in common.

Original poster
Daffin · 13/08/2021 15:27

Thanks for your perspectives- he says by his own admission he was very overprotected by his mum but no mention of non neurotypical etc

OP posts:
2bazookas · 13/08/2021 15:53

@SuperstoreFan

What the hell were the parents thinking? That is beyond inappropriate.
Really?

In rural Scotland's scattered communities, it's commonplace for kids to socialise across gender and age gaps.

PeonyTime · 13/08/2021 16:25

It's with a bigger group, but when we lived in a very small community, age was less of a factor with friends. I regularly had kids from 5-10 playing together outside the house, and 9-13 yr olds used to grab bikes and go to the playground. My oldest was the 9yr old in those groups. He, 3 years later, is still in touch with some of the kids.

Hm2020 · 13/08/2021 16:40

I had a crush on a 15 year old boy when I was 11 we had a kiss and I was so pleased with myself Blush no I’m like eew! Not a simple situation though he was a runaway who’s parents where dead back in Morocco and some how ended up hanging around the estate I used to hang around and sleeping on peoples sofas

AgileSlug · 13/08/2021 18:28

Why couldn't it have been platonic, though? My DS is 10 and my DD almost 5 and they are absolutely devoted to one another. I hope that will still be the case in 5 years from now.

LBirch02 · 13/08/2021 20:14

It definitely was platonic - the reason this feels a bit eww is I dunno - ordinarily you wouldn’t expect a friendship like this tween a normal 15 yo boy and 10 yo girl

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