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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not charge boyfriend rent?

29 replies

Takethe · 12/08/2021 21:26

My boyfriend and I are moving in together. He is giving up his rented flat and moving into my house, which I own with a mortgage.

My plan was to suggest we split all household bills equally, but I wasn’t intending to charge him any ‘rent’ or ask for any contribution to mortgage payments, because it doesn’t seem right to charge a boyfriend, and I also don’t want to risk him having any claim on the house.

My friend thinks I should be charging him something. AIBU (or stupid) to just say half the bills?

What have other people in this situation done?

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 12/08/2021 22:02

I think you are right to want to safeguard the ownership of your house. I guess it depends on how much of a valid claim he might have on it after a few years of paying rent. But I have no idea about that. Hopefully someone else might.

It does seem a bit unfair that you will be pretty much bank-rolling him though (even if it is to protect your investment). It might cause a bit of resentment if he manages to save a lot or starts splashing the cash on gadgets or nights out.

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 12/08/2021 22:15

It’s your property so I don’t think he should pay any rent. If he manages to save anything then he may choose to buy a property of his own that he can rent out for an income/investment.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 12/08/2021 22:15

If you don't charge him proper rent with a contract (fair enough unless he has his own room - imo its pretty weird to charge someone to sleep in your bed) but also don't split everything 50% - which would be what genuine, open and not skeptical, genuinely respectful partners in more than name would do - then be very careful to ensure you charge him only and exactly what he costs you. Charge him exactly the increase in council tax and bills including foid but not a penny more, never, never ever ask or let him pay towards repairs or improvements and keep proof - then he cannot ever win a claim on the value of the property.

You do have to decide where your relationship is at. Subsidising him isn't a partnership - that's what you do before you trust him, to xover yourself against him having a claim if you're richer than him and think he'll eventually leave you or you'll eventually boot him out.

Charging him rent makes him a lodger with benefits.

Splitting 50/50 means you trust him implicitly and are deeply invested in this being forever and willing to take a massive risk.

Its fine to be at the first, letting him perch and limiting your risk stage, but if that's what he wants too, that's where he's at too - not a partner, not invested. Its completely fine if you can afford it and are on the same page.

ZealAndArdour · 12/08/2021 22:18

I’m buying a house that my boyfriend is going to live in with me.

I plan to do exactly the same tbh. Split all bills and other monthly consumables down the middle, but pay the mortgage entirely myself.

I love him and don’t think he’s at all money motivated or in fact savvy enough to realise he would be able to stake a claim if he’d paid towards the mortgage or even have the inclination to do it, but I need to have it this way for my own peace of mind.

YANBU. Your friend is ill advised and naive.

Tinpotspectator · 12/08/2021 22:21

I think I'd pay a solicitor to advise . Why pay someone else's living costs whilst they live rent free in your house, and make money on their own?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 12/08/2021 22:22

As to what we dod - 22 years ago I owned and (now) DH rented. When we decided to mive in together I sold my flat and put the money (about 25% of the property value) in an account in my name only and we rented a house together (50/50 obviously) for a year, then bought together.
That was the obvious thing for us, nothing else seemed right, but we wanted a slightly different location centrally located between both our jobs, as well as wanting to test out living together as completely equal partners with neither of us in a dominant position as landlord.

overwork · 12/08/2021 22:25

I do the same. I own my place and was paying for it perfectly comfortably before he arrived, I don't need him to bank roll me. He saves a lot of what he would have been spending on rent, so that we can use it towards a deposit on a bigger place, or he can use it for his own deposit. He does tend to buy more of the food and meals out etc though, as he has more spendable income than me (and he eats 5 times what I do!). If it works for you and him, I can't see what business it is of your friend.

SouthOfFrance · 12/08/2021 22:26

I think you can speak to a solicitor to get an agreement drawn up so he doesn't have any hold over the property.

Your mortgage company might have had a clause in your mortgage re over 18s living at the property too so maybe check that out.

NotWanting · 12/08/2021 22:33

I'd ask for a 3rd of whatever his rent was a month plus half bills.

He wins by saving and you and you aren't being taken for a mug. Don't call it rent.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/08/2021 22:39

I wouldn't charge rent but would ask him to put what he would have paid in rent into a separate bank account which he could use as his share of a deposit should you stay together and decide to move house.

TootTootTootToot · 12/08/2021 22:42

You could get a cohabitation agreement?

I think it's a really tricky situation where a partner moves into a house owned by their partner. It doesn't seem fair that they should get free housing but it's also seems odd if the home owner profits from their partner.
If I was moving onto someone's house I wouldn't dream of not wanting to pay something towards the house as well as half the bills etc.
I'm sure you can do this legally. I'm not sure if that's a cohabitation agreement. I think there is another type but I can't remember what it's called.

If you do decide to let your
Boyfriend live rent free then I'd recommend that you both agree a date to review the situation in the future. Maybe in 3 or 6 months. I'd also recommend that you both sit down and go through EVERYTHING before he moves in. Is he just going to be a 'visitor' or is this going to be his home. What happens if he wants his own furniture and pictures? Who is going to decide how warm the house will be? Is he going to help with maintenance and gardening? Are you secretly going to want him to treat you or pay for other things?

Ikeameatballs · 12/08/2021 22:43

I think I’d ask for a contribution, how much depends upon many factors, his income, your income, other outgoings, his rent costs now etc etc.

I’d then save it in a specific account and either keep saving it until eg you want to move a buy a place together and it could go towards those costs or you want something as a couple eg fancy holiday or if you ever want to get married. So even though it’s in your name it’s for a joint purpose? Or an account where you both have to agree to release the money?

I think this has a few benefits, it’s not obviously “rent”, you are going to use it for something you will both benefit from, if the relationship ends you have not absorbed his contribution into your usual budget and increased eg car costs/expensive gym membership that you would have to give up or struggle to pay.

Hankunamatata · 12/08/2021 22:45

Half the bills then whatever the going rate for a lodger would be in your area.

lastqueenofscotland · 12/08/2021 22:46

I would ask for bills definitely!! Living there for absolutely nothing is a madness

PurpleNebula84 · 12/08/2021 22:49

Coming from someone who is in the process of selling my house and the STBX was not on the mortgage - he is entitled to nothing. As long as the agreement is it is rent and you don't agree after so long he is part owner because of it, he basically won't have a leg to stand on - he could argue he is entitled, but it would cost him a lot of money and he would have to prove that there was some agreement made about his entitlement. And this came from a solicitor as my STBX turned around and threatened me with legal action, so I sought advice immediately. He has done some DIY things in the property, the garden etc, but not invested what could be called significant amounts or more than what is considered general up keep - he was paying me £500 a month which was for rent, bills and supposedly towards our daughter - a bargain really - and he wonders why he is the STBX 🤷🏻‍♀️

womaninatightspot · 12/08/2021 22:53

In this situation I've done half the bills and he pays for the food bill given that you are paying the mortgage.

Original poster
Takethe · 12/08/2021 22:54

This is all really helpful, thank you.

For context, I earn roughly double what he does at the moment. This could obviously change going forward, but I thought that this way it could also leave him with more disposable income for nice holidays etc (I have not told him this obviously).

Similar to what has been said, I also thought he might want to save some of what he’s saving to either buy a rental property or perhaps in years to come, when I am more confident of being in the relationship ‘forever’ buying a bigger house together.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/08/2021 22:56

I'd speak to a solicitor. Everyone saying that he might make a claim on the property - that may be true if he directly pays half the mortgage but lots of people have lodgers that don't seem to make claims on their properties so there are clearly ways of making it safe!

In any case I think it depends on earnings and spending. Its going to be shit if he is saving a shit load of money by living with you that he then spends on treating himself, but you are not really saving anything because although he is paying half the bills, they've all increased. You should both financially benefit from living together, not just one of you.

When I moved in with my boyfriend I paid a rent but much lower than I had been paying previously as it cost me much more in commuting as it was further from my work

Original poster
Takethe · 12/08/2021 22:56

I would ask for bills definitely!! Living there for absolutely nothing is a madness

Oh I 100% will be asking for half of the bills. Without doubt.

That’s really interesting @PurpleNebula84. I had assumed that any money over half the bills would give him a claim.

OP posts:
ZealAndArdour · 12/08/2021 23:07

My situation is similar too in that I earn double what my DP was. I’d sooner he used what he would have contributed towards mortgage in rapidly paying down some debts he has and then saving it so that he can make an equitable contribution should we move to a bigger house in the future.

ZealAndArdour · 12/08/2021 23:07

*does not was.

NoMoreCovidPlease · 12/08/2021 23:12

Who the hell charges rent in that situation? You paying your mortgage is entirely different from paying rent. It benefits you as you are paying down your own asset. MN is a strange place, no way would anyone in real life pay their homeowner partner rent!

HollowTalk · 12/08/2021 23:34

But, @NoMoreCovidPlease, this is exactly how so many women end up with cocklodgers. Why should anyone live somewhere for free? An extra person living there makes a big difference to wear and tear, but I think everyone should pay their way.

Original poster
Takethe · 12/08/2021 23:40

But at the same time, @HollowTalk, is it right to financially profit from someone you’re sleeping with? I’m still not sure what to do.

OP posts:
prawntoastie · 13/08/2021 00:47

Agree with you

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