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Original poster

What would you do with a DH that does this?

60 replies

DriedUp · 12/08/2021 16:34

Whenever I try to start a conversation with my DH, I get a few words out, and then he interrupts me. If I object, he then proceeds to tell me what I was going to say, or what I was thinking, And of course, he often has NO idea! I am sick of never being heard, never being listened to, and NEVER getting to finish a sentence.

We've been married for over 30 years, and over these years this behaviour has escalated to the point where it is now almost constant. He is due to retire soon, so we will be spending more time together, which right now isn't a prospect that fills me with joy.

He's not all bad, in many ways we are very happy together, but this is really starting to become an issue that I can no longer ignore.

Any advice before I run screaming from the building?

OP posts:
MakeItRain · 13/08/2021 09:33

I had slightly the opposite problem with my exh. He would get aggrieved if I tried to join in the conversation and hold his hand up in my face saying "let me finish" or "I'm still talking". He'd then proceed to give me this loud, lengthy monologue about whatever it was he thought he knew best about! Any attempt by me to join in or have my say was seen as me being rude and interrupting. (Just let me smile at this point, at the thought of being 10 years past our divorce Grin)
Your situation sounds equally annoying though. I'm not sure I'd be able to put up with it these days. I've had too much time living without a partner in blissful peace!

Hankunamatata · 13/08/2021 09:34

Walk away each time

lineeyesneeded · 13/08/2021 09:39

I had a partner who did this, would interrupt me mid sentence with something completely unrelated to what I was saying.
If I objected she'd say "oh go on then carry on" in a really patronising tone as if she was talking to a 3 year old.
If I refused to participate in "her" conversation she'd tell me and all my friends and family that I was moody.
Took me a while but eventually I realised that if somebody respects you so little then walking away is your best option.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/08/2021 09:55

Mine does the opposite(but not all the time). I’ll be talking and realise he’s not listening. Or I ask him a question and he doesn’t answer. I now stop mid sentence. Also retiring soon. I may start making flash cards.

Bollindger · 13/08/2021 10:17

You can just hold your hand palm facing him and stop talking.
People notice the hand and stop talking too.

NoSquirrels · 13/08/2021 10:23

Say loudly, over his talking “You’re interrupting!”
Do this Every. Single. Time.

If I object, he then proceeds to tell me what I was going to say, or what I was thinking

Say “No, DH. That wasn’t what I was going to say.” Wait and see what he says next.

You need to be ruthless and it will feel rude but you need to make it crystal clear.

ladymuck111 · 13/08/2021 10:29

Sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? Always works for me and my OH constantly interrupts me and can read my thoughts apparently!

twoshedsjackson · 13/08/2021 10:32

I eventually cured a relative of doing this by stopping dead, waiting for the interruption to peter out (eventually!), then quietly remarking, "That isn't what I was going to say, but never mind!" then refusing to explain. After a couple of occasions when something (mildly) important was missed, the message got through, but goodness it was maddening!
I think the point was driven home when I was heard whilst on the phone saying, to another family member, "Well I did try to tell them, but I couldn't get a word in edgeways!"

Waterlemon · 13/08/2021 10:39

My parents do this to each other constantly- my sibling and I just look on completely bemused!

They are both no longer working due to health issues, and have had very little contact with the “outside world” due to shielding for the last 18 months, so I think they are losing their social skills. They’ve never really had any hobbies or friendships outside the extended family so they are in each other’s pockets all the time!

It makes visiting them a challenge. You can’t have a conversation without the pair of them interrupting Then they start bickering Over who was interrupting who.

Don’t really have much advice For you though, just my sympathies!

DowntonCrabby · 13/08/2021 10:40

Put your hand up and firmly state “I’ll stop you right there” every time he does it, then carry on your initial conversation.

He’s bloody rude but probably doesn’t realise quite how rude and annoying he’s become.

Ellie56 · 13/08/2021 10:43

@nancybotwinbloom

Next time he does it say "no I wasn't going to say that I was going to tell you I'm divorcing you. Am sure you know why seeing as you know everything else I am ever about to say"
Grin
Pinkywoo · 13/08/2021 10:49

Air horn to the face, every single time.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 13/08/2021 10:59

You tube Kamala Harris I’m speaking 🤣. And if you think he’s driving you mad now, wait till he is at home all day! Make sure you have plenty hobbies which get you out of the house daily.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/08/2021 11:46
  1. Spin on your heel immediately and walk away.
  1. Sheet of A4 with '"STOP INTERRUPTING!" written so large as to take up the whole sheet. Keep it on you at all times (pocket, tucked under your bra's shoulder strap) and as soon as he starts, whip it out, unfold it, and hold it up in front of your face. (Other phrases are availableGrin.)
Hufflepuff21 · 13/08/2021 12:29

My husband used to do this when we first met. I would stop talking and say "I was speaking" or something. He was so embarrassed when I called him out on it in front of his parents a few times too. He doesn't do it now.

Manzanilla55 · 13/08/2021 13:10

I would make sure I did something outside of the home even if it was volunteer work. I can think of nothing worse than being cooped up with the same person every day. Let alone the interrupting.

PrincessNutella · 13/08/2021 14:10

I have friends who are interrupters. I realized that the only thing that works to fix it is use their own tactics on them for a while. When he starts interrupting, stick out your hand and say, "WAIT, hold that thought...I'm not done," and continue. He will keep trying to break in. Just smile and say, "Hold up there, cowboy, I'm still talking." He'll keep butting in. Say, "unh uh, not finished yet." It will be a ridiculous conversation, you won't even remember what it was you were talking about, but he'll start to get a taste of his own medicine. And if he talks over you, don't be afraid to talk AT THE SAME TIME AND JUST AS LOUDLY AS HE DOES. I have been astonished at how long my overtalker friends have been willing to go on talking WHILE I am talking, and at first I felt incredibly rude by doing the same to them. But then I realized that while I was doing it as an experiment, they were just doing it as a matter of normal behavior, and that it was really not okay. And that they did less of it when they realized that they were going to get blowback for doing it, without anyone ever hurting their feelings by yelling at them.

MotionActivatedDog · 13/08/2021 14:19

What would you do with a DH that does this?

I’d do nothing with him. I wouldnt eat with him, sleep with him, walk with him, watch tv with him, go on holiday with him, live with him. Nothing. I wouldn’t do anything with someone who wasn’t interested in a single word I have to say.

Waspsarearseholes · 13/08/2021 14:24

I'd introduce the speaking spoon. A wooden spoon (drawn-on face optional). The person holding the spoon gets to speak and the other listens. You then pass the spoon over to him when you've finished. Take it right back to playschool, where be should have learned these social skills. Remind him in your best children's TV presenter voice that he's not holding the speaking spoon so it's not his turn just yet. The spoon is a handy visual and tactile reminder of these basic manners. It can also be inserted into his left nostril if necessary.

MilduraS · 13/08/2021 14:27

I had a boyfriend like this and used to just say " for god's sake, can you stop trying to guess what I want to say and just listen?". Stopped him in his tracks the first time but I still needed to remind him every once in a while.

wizzywig · 13/08/2021 14:29

Are you telling the same story as you've done a million times before? I butt in on my husband when he is boring me

ButterflyBitch · 13/08/2021 14:29

After saying to my dh, “did you realise you started talking over me?” And he still does it I now keep talking but louder. Just carry on with my sentence as I’ll be damned if he’ll keep doing it. He interrupted a friend a couple of times that we stayed with and both times she said “I haven’t finished talking.” And that shut him up too.

MotionActivatedDog · 13/08/2021 14:32

I'd introduce the speaking spoon. A wooden spoon (drawn-on face optional). The person holding the spoon gets to speak and the other listens. You then pass the spoon over to him when you've finished.

😂

So you’d have to have a wooden spoon in your hand every time you wanted to speak to your husband?? Out for dinner? In the supermarket? At the park? In the car?

LitCrit · 13/08/2021 14:34

I know lots of people interrupt because they’re domineering, but it is also a very difficult to control symptom of adhd. I suffer from both, alas.