BPD/ EUPD

[themadhatter1385]

Hi ,

I know this isn't the most appropriate section but am posting in AIBU for traffic .

I've been diagnosed with BPD and I'm unsure what to do know . Been slapped with a label and no plan .

Feeling like the worst person and mother in the world . Just to my most recent BPD episode I have no one IRL to speak to so I'm reaching out to see if anyone else is in this position or has any advice .

I've been told that having this makes me unstrustworthy maybe that's true .

Just feel so lonely with it all .

That's crap you have no support. BPD is generally a response to trauma, we have something crap happen to us then get judged for our perfectly normal response to it. The body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk is a great explanation of what is happening in our bodies. If there is no suitable NHS support (there often isn't) is there a charity or a women's centre near you that provides counselling?

EUPD doesn't make you untrustworthy at all. I have been through this journey with my daughter and she doesn't have any of the negative traits that some people seem to think are inevitable, so no reason why you or any other sufferer should be told such damaging things as fact. Her main issue has always been feeling unloveable and assuming the slightest perceived coldness from another person is because she is so terrible. She's also had a lot of trouble with forgiving people.

My daughter has been very lucky. She was diagnosed young enough to be able to access the very good youth (as in 18-25) mental health services locally although it has taken about 6 years of therapy, some very intensive, to get her functioning in the everyday world.

Apparently dialectical behavior therapy is very helpful for the condition. Unfortunately our local MIND does that but doesn't deal with EUPD patients because they are considered too unwell for the charity sector to deal with... which would be fine if the NHS were picking up the slack!

This isn't a helpful post really, sorry! I just wanted to let you know that you aren't automatically untrustworthy, selfish or unfeeling because you have this diagnosis. I wish I could also give you more info about treatment. Fact is, my daughter was lucky enough to live in an area that prioritises people of her age and to catch the interest of a psychiatrist who was looking for her last few patients prior to retiring.

If there is any chance you might have complex ptsd, it is worth questioning the diagnosis as they present very similarly and cptsd is at least more positively viewed as treatable.

I have BPD. You can recover. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment for the long term but it’s so worth it.

Recovery centres around learning to regulate your emotional responses, through skills and strategies you can learn and practice on a daily basis. You also learn how what has happened in your past is affecting how you perceive the world today (schemas) and how that can drive your emotional intensity.

You should ask if your Trust runs STEPPS, DBT and/or MBT. STEPPS is a good place to start - it’s a 20 week course specifically for people with BPD/EUPD. DBT was created BY someone with BPD and focusses more on radical acceptance, and MBT focuses on being able to mentalise (think about/analyse) how you are responding and why. All of these treatments should be available on the NHS, but availability does vary depending on where in the country you are.

I have been in recovery now since 2014. It’s really hard work sometimes, exhausting (having to be constantly self aware of my emotional intensity level, how I am reacting, do I need to use any skills right now etc - every single day). But then living with BPD/EUPD is also bloody exhausting! I know work in this area, for the NHS, supporting others just starting out in their own recovery.

It is a long road, it’s not instant results, it can take years to become embedded enough for it to feel second nature (it never feels first nature, it’s still very much a conscious process for me even now). But it is SO worth it. For me, and for those around me.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like.

Sorry to hear you have been diagnosed and offered no further support. That is pretty common. I was diagnosed and had a lot of support, including DBT, from the CMHT, but other people were just diagnosed and discharged straight away.

See if there is an advocacy service local to you, and get some help with pushing for support/therapy. It is not right you have been left with nothing at all.

Hello, I’m shocked someone said that having BPD makes you untrustworthy- what a judgemental and ignorant statement. I’m sorry, that must have been upsetting.

I have BPD, as pp says, it’s usually the result of trauma. As a pp also says, it’s actually a diagnosis you can recover from or at least make much more manageable as there are some really effective treatments. DBT has been absolutely transformative for me. Honestly, I think plenty of people who don’t have BPD would benefit from DBT, as I think plenty of people have problems controlling their emotions, with their relationships, with communication etc.

Please don’t despair. This might actually be a really positive thing for you as if you’ve struggled in the past, hopefully you’ll now be able to get support. Living with untreated and undiagnosed problems, for me anyhow, was really hard. I’m much happier now I’ve learned to manage my emotions better and learned how to take care of my mental health better. Sending you best wishes.

I once came across a book in the local library about helping family understand BPD.

It opened with the following sentence: "The very first thing you need to know about people with borderline personality order is that they are terrible people".

Awful, and unfortunately seemingly pretty representative of the 'old school' set of beliefs about the disorder.

May I recommend you read up on CPTSD (Complex PTSD) if you've not already?

There are a lot of people who feel the BPD label is very unfair for people who act the way they do due to (typically, attachment) trauma. Some of the work may resonate. Pete Walker, from surviving to thriving website, has loads of good stuff.

It's important to remember (and I say this as someone with diagnoses myself) that a diagnosis is not "fact". Some years ago, homosexuality was classed as a mental disorder. Things change as scholarship uncovers new perspectives. Nothing is set in stone, least of all a human being. We are all capable of growth and transformation. Take from a diagnosis what is helpful to you (understanding, treatment and support), and leave what is not (stigma, stereotypes and rigid thinking).