Does anyone else feel like the invisible family?

[Happyharry2003]

Hello
Does anyone else have extended family that almost treat you like you are invisible at times? My immediate family are quiet but kind and helpful (our extended family say this) and always help out when needed and offer help (which is accepted) and support to extended family with young children. However when it comes to family milestones, birthdays, weddings etc we are always in the background. We are very much appreciated when needed for help and advice but anything fun we aren’t even thought of! We also never receive any help or support in return. Examples are being left out of family photographs (other family are very Instagram perfect - we aren’t), not invited to main events for birthdays (but are invited to a smaller gathering either side of the main event), not ever contacted unless to ask for help or respond to our offers of help.

I know we are seen as supportive and stable and the presumption is we don’t have any problems ourselves (which is totally not the case - just nobody ever asks us or listens when we try to talk) and always there in the background no matter what.

I don’t even know if what I am writing makes sense!
Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

I don't have much to do with extended family outwith of big occasions, has anyone actually got the time for 17 aunts and a hundred cousins?
Maybe people are just busy getting on with their lives. I think if you've got good relationships with close family that's what really matters.

I don’t mean cousins and aunts I mean grandparents and siblings

What do you mean by extended family? And when you say others are included, who do you mean?

I think this is a very different situation if it is your parents and siblings than if it cousins for example.

Parents and siblings

It’s not really clear. How many siblings do you have? Do you mean they all get together and you’re the only sibling not invited? Is distance the same?

And do you invite them to things? Have you spoken to them about it?

I don't really understand your post, or who you regard as "immediate" and "extended family"

Are you saying that you, your DH and your DC are invited to some events with your parents or siblings, but not others? That sounds OK to me. Some families are closer than others

You've been assigned your role by the family and it's really hard to break out of. I find that a bit as well. I'm the listener and the peacemaker, so am often getting it in both ears, even though it's not a role I would choose

With cousins I'm the quiet one, which is a description my friends would laugh at. But because I was quiet when I was 10 years old, that's me for life

@DingDongDenny

You've been assigned your role by the family and it's really hard to break out of. I find that a bit as well. I'm the listener and the peacemaker, so am often getting it in both ears, even though it's not a role I would choose

With cousins I'm the quiet one, which is a description my friends would laugh at. But because I was quiet when I was 10 years old, that's me for life

Ah you’ve got it! This is totally me. Maybe it’s just the way things are and that’s ok

I think you can challenge it a bit. I wouldn't be happy about being left out of things due to wrong assumptions. I would have a word about that.

I think I know what you mean. Im not one of the gobby ones so I fade in the background. What annoys me about my family is no one talks about you and your life etc or enquires how your getting on, they all know as talk amongst themselves but no ones actually asked me what I do for a living for example.. I dont enjoy family gatherings.

I agree with you OP ..we are mainly the same until it comes to birthdays and christmas then they remember us enough to submit their requests,The rest of the time we appear to be non existant!!!

Same with us. My parents always make more fuss of my other siblings and their children. They will always come here for dinner, parties etc but we are rarely invited to theirs. My theory is that my brother and sister have had many more troubles than us and needed more support. We’re the steady ones, just quietly getting on with things in the background and we don’t give my parents any stress or worry. I am a middle child and always felt invisible growing up so I’m used to it.
An example is when I rang my mum to tell her my son’s A level results on Tuesday, she was more interested in how my 17 year old nephew was getting on at school. He didn’t even sit exams this year!
It’s sad but I’ve learned to live with it. We have a good life and are very lucky in other ways.