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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pregnancy news

7 replies

EvIE101 · 12/08/2021 10:31

A few weeks ago we had a lovely surprise finding out we were expecting. After losing our second son to still birth 3 years ago I wanted to be extra cautious in telling people until later on however my SO has told his parents who are now telling everyone. I feel the joy has been taken away and all I am left with is anxiety that I will now need to tell everyone if something happens. AIBU to be so upset with the whole situation as my SO is angry I have even said anything?

OP posts:
AveryGoodlay · 12/08/2021 10:35

Yanbu at all and I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had many miscarriages and one still birth before my 2 living children. I was the same as you with my first. I would have been so angry with anyone telling my news like your in laws have. I would tell your partner he needs to tell his parents to stop. Nobody should be causing any stress for you.

I wish you the best of luck x

mumofbun · 12/08/2021 10:38

YADNBU. This is unacceptable behavior even without your history. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope all goes well for you - if you didn't know already, there is support available from perinatal teams for things such as anxiety!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 12/08/2021 10:41

Aw, I'm sorry.

Did SO tell his parents not to tell anyone?

We had to explicitly spell it out to DH's parents, and they still spent ages asking if they could just tell X, or saying that they'd be telling Y if we hadn't announced by then, etc... They very much see it as "their" news. I disagree with their view completely - they'll get plenty of chance to tell their friends that they'll be grandparents after we've announced! - but perhaps your in-laws have the same view...

I know my DH felt a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place when they reacted like that. He'd been so excited to tell them, and it hadn't occurred to him that they'd then want to take over spreading the news. To be fair to him, he was clear with them that they weren't allowed to tell anyone yet, and they haven't, but he did feel a bit stuck that it caused a lot of anxiety despite that.

Overall, you're not being unreasonable to be upset - but if this has taught me anything, it's that it's really better not to tell some people until you're ready for it to be common knowledge, and sadly that includes my in-laws. If we have more children, they won't be being told until we make a general announcement, to avoid this in the future!

All the best with your pregnancy Flowers

EvIE101 · 12/08/2021 11:04

Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear this as I have been made to feel I am being unreasonable. I haven't made the announcement to my family for that exact reason.
We specifically explained the circumstances and requested they did not mention the news until we were ready but unfortunately it hasn't made a difference, it's a shame families can be so selfish.
I am seeking help for my anxieties as I'm worried about everything at the moment. Fingers crossed this is the only hiccup, only 27 weeks to go🤞😊 x

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WorraLiberty · 12/08/2021 11:19

We specifically explained the circumstances and requested they did not mention the news until we were ready but unfortunately it hasn't made a difference, it's a shame families can be so selfish.

You both told them?

LBirch02 · 12/08/2021 11:22

Congratulations OP! The most important thing here is your excellent news! But YANBU.

EvIE101 · 12/08/2021 15:44

@WorraLiberty my partner was desperate to let his parents know as he runs a business with them and would need to explain all the time off due to extra hospital appointments, so we agreed to tell only them however asked that they did not tell anyone else and explained why we were keeping the information private for the time being sadly the next day I found out this parents had told several other family members that evening hence why I was upset.

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