What to say to DD17 when her BF has finished with her

[Iamnotminterested]

Not aibu but posting for traffic. So, DD started getting friendly with a boy in year 11, fast forward they started dating and wete together for just shy of 18 months. He finished it and she desperately wants him back, except he doesn't want her back.

They are in 6th form together, and she's talking about going to a different 6th form in the city to do year 13, even though she's got great mock results in her current school (where's she's been since year 7) so that she doesn't have to see him.

She is a bright girl with grear predicted grades and potentially the world at her feet but she can't see past this silly immature boy 'ruining her life' by finishing with her.

We've said ad nauseum about her concentrating on her life and forgetting him, but when all she wants is him back it falls on deaf ears.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom that we may not have used? For context, she has an older and younger sister. Thanks.

Whatever daredevil exploits people suggest, making time to listen to someone who has told you they are upset and hurting is the single most loving and supportive thing you can do for them.

Telling them to ignore their feelings is the exact opposite, though of course it may make it easier for you.

@PearlFriday

Wow,i would love to try that!

If this is to me!, then go for it!! I feel sometimes I should start being a PR spokeswoman for skydiving I’m so enthusiastic about it.

Don’t do a tandem, what a waste of time and money when you just sit there like a jelly baby as someone else controls it all.

Don’t do a static line jump, you don’t get the same “I did it!!!!” feeling

Do a level 1 advanced free fall (AFF) and you will be so desperate to get back in the plane to do it again you’ll be bouncing around like a puppy

OP- thoroughly recommend it to your daughter for blowing away cobwebs and giving her some ownership of her life

@Warmduscher

Have you shown any sympathy towards her or just told her to forget about him and “concentrating on her life”? Because if you haven’t, that’s where you’re going wrong.

Agree with this. You say you've spoken repeatedly about moving on with her life and forgetting him. But perhaps she needs some empathy and permission to cry and feel like shit for a while, along with hugs from her mum etc? Maybe you've tried this already and just not communicated in your OP - but this approach can go a long way and is especially important at her age.

Like with toddlers - empathise, then distract.

Does she have friends in her school who could be with her there, so they can distract her from seeing him? Can you afford to take her shopping so she has a few new outfits for school - new clothes, new me? Rock climbing is another confidence building adrenaline pumping sport to try in wake if a heart break.

Tell her your stories so she can see you know how she feels. Everyone has that first boyfriend and it stays with you. However, if I'd stayed with the first boy that broke my heart I'd not have met my husband and he's a much better man. I'd probably be on here losing my mind that he's cheated again.

Switching schools mid A level would be a v v bad decision! Surprised and strongly disagree with the (couple of) posters suggesting that’d be a reasonable action following a break up!

Would perhaps say nothing about that in the hope she’ll realise that herself, or not get around to organising it!

I’d give her a copy of this. Encourage her to read it and see if she still wants to make that decision. www.amazon.co.uk/New-Rules-digital-generation-bestselling/dp/0749957247/ref=asc_df_0749957247/?hvlocphy=9046581&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=310819191513&hvpone&hvlocint&th=1&hvpos&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-460146958023&hvrand=11806160976122522278
I wish I’d read it as a teen. Would have saved me from some rubbish boyfriends

@XjustagirlX

Also my mum sat with me and comforted me. She said ‘you know we will sit here crying a few times yet before you will meet the right person’. That really hit home that it’s normal and it will pass and it won’t be the last heartbreak.

On my next heartbreak my mum sat with me while I was crying and said, ‘do you remember what I said last time’.

Your mum sounds lovely

My mum is also lovely but has never gone in for tea and sympathy and her initial reaction to things like this is to laugh and say something like "chin up".

My eldest's (15) gf broke up with him recently and he was upset so I tried to learn from my mum and be a little more comforting but i think I have grown up with many of my mum's traits and have a "pick yourself up and get on with it" attitude (which served me well when I discovered my ex husband's affair). So we had a cuddle and a chat and I told him I am here if he wants to talk.

It's a cliche but tim is the only thing that will help. Time, friends and keeping busy.

Encourage her to see friends

Don't bad mouth him

Be sympathetic

Get her out
Misery loves company