What would you do?

[ttcsucks]

I’m hoping this won’t move to the Mental health section as posting for traffic. Name changed as could be outing.

I took an anti depressant and came off beginning of the year due to TTC.

Now my depression is starting to really take over and I’m not suicidal or anything but it affects my ability to do my job. My job is a stressful one where I have to be responsible for a large team of people and this illness is affecting my ability to carry out the job. I do go to work, but my productivity is nowhere it needs to be as a result of these feelings I’m battling.

So - I feel like I am faced with a dilemma of choosing between my livelihood and doing a good job at work and a potential unborn child being harmed by the side effects of an anti depressant.

While the risks associated with pregnancy and anti depressants are small, they’re there (increase miscarriage, baby born with withdrawal symptoms, heart defects etc)

When I took anti depressants beginning of the year it really messed me up initially for a week I felt the worst ever, gums started bleeding, stomach cramps etc. While these feelings subsided once initial side effects wore off and I mentally felt better I can’t help but think - if I felt like this then surely these things can’t be good for a baby?

I also keep thinking if I’ve reached my thirties without anti depressants maybe I should just battle through. Though I also read untreated depression is harmful for baby.

What would you do? Take them or just battle through?

I think you really should talk to a doctor about your concerns, and I don’t mean that as a brush off for posting, but genuinely I think a doctor who knows your history and understands side effects would be very useful to talk to.
For my completely unqualified POV as another person with mental health issues, I think your baby needs you to be as healthy and stable/happy as possible. Are you having therapy for your depression? If not, would seem a good time to try as could keep you on an even keel without the need for medication.

@Cyberworrier thank you - I've had therapy in the past and it helps to an extent but I still get the feelings of misery and lack of motivation even with therapy.

Thanks for your advice but I don't think a doctor is going to be able to tell me what to do here, I think it is a personal choice - I understand the risks and the point is they increase with the meds.

Only I can make the decision of wether the pros outweigh the cons but guess I'm looking for opinions on who should be prioritised - me or the potential baby. I just can't weigh it up.

NHS is on its knees I'm getting really bad service I don't want to involve the doctors

I think it would be very appropriate to talk to your prescribing doctor about this, and they will be far better placed to advise you about finding the least risky options, or perhaps taking a lower dose to minimise risk, those sorts of things.

You’re right, a doctor won’t tell you what to do. But I still think a phone consultation with a GP could be helpful.

If you are feeling suicidal, that needs to be taken very seriously. This is part of why I think you should talk to a GP, you and the baby’s welfare are important and extra care needs to be taken to make sure you’re alright.

Have you tried calling a mental health helpline like Mind? Just wondering if they’d be able to point you in the direction of more specialist advice.

From what you’ve said, I think the risks are outweighed by the benefits for your mental health. But I also think you should try to find a new therapist for talking therapy, in case the meds don’t work out and to give you support through the next few months. I think it can be a bit hit and miss finding a therapist but when you find a good one, it can make such a difference.

I hope more people come and share their thoughts, OP. Best of luck to you.

I stayed on mine all the way through pregnancy and since.nearly 10 years ago.

Talk to the doctor who can advise you safely.

Thanks all - also just to clarify sorry if I didn't make clear but I'm not suicidal just feel sad and lack motivation and negative thoughts eat me all day and distract me from being able to do my job efficiently.

Whilst I'm not suicidal I do think 'what's the point' more than I'd like

I spoke to my doctor before trying to conceive because I take long term antidepressants.

Her advice was that it is much more dangerous to get pregnant with uncontrolled mental health problems than to do so on appropriate medication (some are much safer than others so a conversation with your GP is pretty essential).

Being pregnant and having a baby comes with so many hormonal changes and obviously your life changes drastically. Both of these factors can have a huge affect on your mental health. No one here knows your full history so please talk through your options with your GP.

I think I understand. That is very unsettling and understandable that you want a change. “ I do think 'what's the point' more than I'd like”, this to me sounds like stuff that needs exploring and unpacking, especially if thoughts like this are popping up whenever you have depressive
periods. It’s different from traditional talking therapy but I’ve found DBT very helpful for learning to live with various mental health issues.

If you got pregnant and the hormones kick in and going through 9 months of it then dealing with a newborn plus post birth mental health wise, how would that play out? You need to think all around this OP

I was basically in the same situation some years ago. I refused to go back on anti depressants (even though I knew I needed them) because of the risk to the baby if I did happen to get pregnant. Ultimately I was miserable for many years and it probably wasn’t the right choice. There are anti depressants which are considered ok to take during pregnancy so it could be worth discussing these with your GP.

Feeling the way you do isn't healthy for you or your baby. How many weeks are you? If I remember correctly, talking anti Ds before 12 weeks is more risky than after that time - however a small risk. The biggest risk you're taking right now is with your mental health. You're right, it is a personal choice and a hard one but please think about yourself as much as your unborn baby.

Thanks all some really useful perspectives

Also to further Clarify im not pregnant yet just TTC (without two unfortunate miscarriages which is why I think im being extra cautious - I don't want anything to add to risks of future miscarriages either even if a small risk)

What age are you OP? Speaking as someone who takes antidepressants and never would have believed in the benefits I can't help thinking you need to re-visit this with your Gp. TTC in itself is a huge pressure, which is why I asked your age and I suppose indirect if you have time on your side.

As others are saying pregnancy plus new parenthood are very hard in good mental health. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be if you weren't. AD's may not be the panacea, but they may set you up to be more responsive to other forms of treatment such as counselling. I urge you to go back to your GP and lay all your concerns on the table.

@TSSDNCOP I'm 35.

Thank you, you are probably all right I need to speak to a professional. I just can't seem to find a good one these days no one seems interested due to the pressure everyone is facing I've had a really bad experience recently with medical advice.

@WFHWF I can't push this back anymore. I've had these feelings most of my adult life on and off so TTC is as good a time now as ever IMO given this situation and time isn't on side for me I'm 35

I'm fairness I have push motherhood back because I have worried so much about the stability of my mental health.

OP I'm going to give you the advice I was given. Sometimes you have to stop considering the pressure you perceive everyone else is under and insist on getting help.

A wonderful colleague has spent months in acute pain because her Gp receptionist blocked her polite requests for an appointment, she will need serious surgery to correct her condition.

Two others with Long Covid have been fobbed off similarly until urged to stop being so polite.

I say enough. You need help. You need it now. You only get your life once, and sometimes you have to only think of yourself.

Phone your GP tomorrow and, list in hand, say what you need.