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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask the best things about having a baby in lockdown

40 replies

RobynNora · 11/08/2021 19:17

This is inspired by yesterday’s newborn threads, which caused me to reflect on what a weird time in history I ended up having a baby! I find it fascinating and would love to hear from others

I hated having our first baby in lockdown last year for all the obvious reasons (partner not around for much of birth, nobody met baby for well over a month, no health visitor, no support, pandemic anxiety and stressful pregnancy, no NCT, extreme isolation when too cold to meet for walks, Christmas as a couple alone with new baby was stressful, solo masked scans, nhs chaos etc) I moaned quite a bit!

But with time my perspective changed and I think I’m glad we had a lockdown baby. Best things for me are:

  • my partner is very close to our baby thanks to WFH and has spent so much more time with them - including many hours in the morning, coffee breaks and lunchtimes (we’re lucky to be remote) I can sleep in until 9am if I want to
  • because we’re alone without mums helping out and sweeping away baby, we’re figuring it all out together and beginning the parenting journey on a more equal and so less gender stereotyped footing. My partner is really confident in a way I don’t think he would be if we had lots of other women helping
  • a no-pressure fourth trimester. Sure, we had no help, but also no social obligations. So we got to hang out with baby intensely
  • no anxiety over milestones or competitive parenting in the early months because we weren’t seeing anyone else
  • my poxy statutory mat leave felt like loads because we had nothing to spend it on
  • easy to create routines with baby because there was nothing else going on

Just wondering what other benefits you’ve noticed?

OP posts:
Lockheart · 11/08/2021 19:25

Who are you writing an article for?

IDontLikeMondays88 · 11/08/2021 19:29

I loved being outside so much. I did lots of walks with other new mums and two outdoor baby classes mid-winter coming into spring. We just got really wrapped up.

I have discovered lots of new parks in my area.

Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 19:30

@Lockheart

Who are you writing an article for?
Nobody! Genuinely curious. I’d have been lost last year without mumsnet support. You can see I posted here constantly about becoming a first-time parent during a pandemic so if I’m a journo, this really would be playing the long game for an article!

Would be a good article though. It’s an interesting topic.

OP posts:
Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 19:34

@IDontLikeMondays88

I loved being outside so much. I did lots of walks with other new mums and two outdoor baby classes mid-winter coming into spring. We just got really wrapped up.

I have discovered lots of new parks in my area.

Yes! I loved the walks too. And quite intense bonds formed with other first time mums as we were all feeling a bit lost!
OP posts:
OaxacaChihuahua · 11/08/2021 19:49

Couldn’t agree more about the benefits of having a partner working from home. The bond between my husband and baby is so beautiful because they spend so much time together.

For me, it also really helped with breastfeeding. In the early days when my baby was struggling to latch and cluster feeding for hours at a time, it helped enormously that I could spend hours on the sofa with my boobs out and not worry about visitors.

Wombleofwimbledon1984 · 11/08/2021 19:52

No FOMO about childless friends! There was nothing else to do so you might as well have birthed a baby Grin

DisgruntledPelican · 11/08/2021 19:54

Discovering my local area more with walks and stuff. If things had’ve been normal I would have wanted to travel about and go on day trips a lot; I still enjoy doing that now but having a more chilled time last year and earlier this year was great.

Agree on the no-pressure 4th trimester. DS was a few weeks old at the start of first lockdown but still super tiny - spending so much time with him was wonderful.

I went back to work (mostly in the spare room) when he was five months, and DP took shared parental leave. I am so so grateful I could be at home a lot and didn’t miss out on cuddles, mealtimes etc.

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/08/2021 19:54

I fell pregnant August 2020 so was pregnant during lockdown 2/3. Solo appointments and scans was soul destroying. However dd2 was born May 2021 when everything was opening up. But I still haven't even to baby groups etc like I did with dd1.

My miscarriage in May 2020 was horrific. I had to go completely alone to get it confirmed, I had dh with me at a private scan where we saw we had lost it. I then was put into a room by myself and told to choose my options by myself. I wasn't allowed a d&c as they were stopped because of corona. That was utterly heartbreaking. I'm just glad in a way that we went to the private scan and I wasn't told alone at my nhs scan.

By my 1st nhs scan for dd2 he was allowed in for the scan but had to leave straight after, that was Nov 2020 but we had already seen the heartbeat at a private scan at 8 weeks.

Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 20:00

@GrandTheftWalrus I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s truly horrendous. It’s been an awful time for maternity care in so many ways 💐 💐

@OaxacaChihuahua I read that breastfeeding rates soared over lockdown!

I’m so enjoying hearing from everyone! I was so doom about my experience for ages that it’s lovely to reflect on the positives.

OP posts:
Essentialironingwater · 11/08/2021 20:01

I think lockdown helped get started with breastfeeding, for me. Fewer distractions, less intrusion from family and less pressure to get out and about.

Mommabear20 · 11/08/2021 20:06

Had 2 pandemic babies and loved it! No pressure to see people, so much less of the 'you're doing this wrong' stuff! DH got to spend much more time with DD due to being furloughed, I ended up being furloughed both times a couple of months prior to my maternity leave so got to rest and enjoy my pregnancies way more without the stress of work.

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/08/2021 20:06

Thanks @RobynNora I have my 12 week old dd now so that makes it better but going through that in lockdown was horrid.

I barely told a soul what I was going through. One of my colleagues though broke the rules and gave me a hug at work as I went to work round it happening.

mistermagpie · 11/08/2021 20:32

Mine was about three months old in the first lockdown so I was lucky that my pregnancy and birth was 'normal' and unaffected by Covid.

I loved having a little baby in lockdown, same as others my DH was wfh the whole time and it took a while for his work to sort things out for that so he had a lot of downtime. My other kids were also at home so they all got to bond with the baby. We spent a lot of time as a family and on walks and so forth which I loved.

She wasn't my first child so I'm probably a bit over baby groups and things, so those things being off didn't matter to me.

I think for a first time mum who's DH or partner was a key worker though, it could have been a very very lonely time and I really think it does depend on your circumstances.

WombOfOnesOwn · 11/08/2021 20:34

Had my third baby in lockdown and now pregnant with a fourth, so I guess I didn't find it too bad.

I liked the lack of social pressure, I hate being sociable during my third trimester anyway and it was a relief to not have anyone pressuring me into obligations when all I wanted was to sleep and maybe read a book.

RhodaDendron · 11/08/2021 20:40

I had my third a few months before the first lockdown and I think she’s by far my happiest baby, not to mention fattest! I was amazed how much being at home all the time helped breastfeeding and I now feel quite guilty for all the times I dragged my older ones out and about when they possibly would have been happier spending just a bit more time at home!

Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 21:13

Wow. So interesting to hear from mums who've had pre pandemic babies to compare things with!

It was an eye opener when I saw a MN poster a couple of days ago who was worried about leaving her 8 week old to attend a wedding! I suppose there are pros and cons to each way but I'm now feeling quite happy to have had my first during a lockdown.

OP posts:
bleachblondemom · 11/08/2021 21:26

Best thing was that in early pregnancy I didn’t have to worry about hiding it because I couldn’t physically see anyone for months, so could get away with it. And no fun social activities over the summer that I wouldn’t have been able to fully enjoy being pregnant. And working from home all through pregnancy so I could have a lie down whenever I needed 😂

Babynames2 · 11/08/2021 21:32

I had DD2 one month into lockdown, and I found it much more chilled out on the postnatal ward than with DD1. No inconsiderate visitors coming in loudly and disturbing sleeping babies (and moms). Also loved that no one could visit for a while after, gave me more time to recover without feeling like I had to be presentable or ready for guests. It was hard as DH wasn’t able to work from home so was still out 8 hours a day and I had a toddler as well but we eventually got into a nice routine. I’m pregnant with DC3 now so I can’t have found it all bad. Am really hoping there’s still a no visitors rule come October as I wouldn’t put it past my parents or in-laws to just show up at the hospital, despite telling them that I much preferred the peace and quiet there with DD2 so don’t want visitors this time.

rainyskylight · 11/08/2021 21:42

I had my baby in November, just into second lockdown. The whole newborn experience was in the dead of winter with Kent variant going crazy, Christmas cancelled, terrible weather. Husband was not wfh so I was on my own. The only good thing was that December- Feb was so bleak that no one else was having any fun either.

CocoaN · 11/08/2021 21:51

Had my baby in Feb this year, loved WFH as had morning sickness every day during pregnancy. Loved no social obligations both during pregnancy and baby's first few months. No FOMO as everyone else stuck at home! Best thing of all is DH is still WFH full time so lots of help at home and has made my Mat leave more fun! Going back to work in the autumn and will be WFH and baby will be in the next room being looked after so won't feel the back to work anxiety

SleepingStandingUp · 11/08/2021 21:52

I had twins the Dec before lockdown so none of the side effects of pregnancy during a pandemic and immediate family met babies.

DH was home from the March until the following May WFH so working 9-4 instead of out 8-6 so he saw much more of the babies and helped lunch times.

DSs speech massively come along, he's still under speech therapy but lockdown saw MASSIVE progress.

That's it. I did lockdown home schooling a 5 yo with tiny twins. The wins were small

yellow25 · 11/08/2021 21:53

My second baby was born in March 2020 (pre lockdown). I struggled with all the same things you did!! But actually - being able to hand over our sleeping newborn to DH every morning while he wfh meant I could spend time with my 2 year old. Can't believe I just took that for granted! And like others have said. No pressure to see anyone!!!

Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 21:55

Aww @rainyskylight that’s horrible. And tough not to have support at home. Mine was born during second lockdown too and I felt so isolated for much of the winter. It’s only now I can see major silver linings for my family.

OP posts:
Original poster
RobynNora · 11/08/2021 21:58

@SleepingStandingUp that sounds next level tough. Well done for getting through it. Your user name seems very apt!

OP posts:
GreyEyedWitch · 11/08/2021 22:01

I was pregnant from Feb 20 till Oct 20, and it was great working from home during that time. I got furloughed during the first trimester and it gave me a chance to relax and get through morning sickness etc without having to work.

I was also able to go on regular lunchtime walks and spend more time with my DH before the baby arrived.

I'm into a few sports, and I didn't miss out on any events because of lockdown. I would have found lockdown much harder if I was physically able to compete but couldn't.

It wasn't hard to miss out on alcoholic drinks as there were no dinner parties or meet ups.

When the baby arrived:

My parents and in laws got a chance to meet DC but then we went into lockdown again a day later, so it meant we had quality time together.

Allowances were made throughout lockdown for new parents and this meant I could meet with other new mums throughout.

I didn't have any random relatives on my doorstep requesting baby cuddles.

I went on lots of long walks and got my fitness levels up quicker than I might have otherwise.

Baby classes etc seemed to open up just as my baby was at an age to enjoy them.

Overall, if the pandemic was always going to take place, then I don't think there was a better time for me to be pregnant and adjust to motherhood. I understand it would feel completely different if I had PND though for instance.