To complain to nursery

[GoBrookeYourself]

Hi,

This is all new for me but I wanted to gather some thoughts as I don’t know how much is emotion taking over for me. DS is 4 and starting school in sept. He’s currently been at the same nursery since he was 18m and been fine, but in the last couple of months there have been a few incidents with the same child and it’s getting to me.

This child has kicked DS in the head when DS was sitting down and he was stood up. That was the first incident. The second was being pushed out of the mud kitchen and told he can’t play there and then having dirt thrown in his eyes (nursery said it didn’t get in his eyes but we found some when bathing him that evening). The third was being pinched on his leg during lunchtime. Nursery have admitted the child is ‘boisterous’ and my DS isn’t provoking him. No incident forms were filled out for any of these as nursery said there were no visible marks so none was needed. At this point we said we wanted something doing about this and they said they’d get 1:1 supervision for the child. This was 1.5 weeks ago.

Today we got a call to say they’d been queuing up and the child had pinched DS again on his stomach and left a mark. I’m absolutely fuming now and put in a formal complaint via email with them, but have no idea what next steps I can take. There’s no point putting him in a new setting as he starts school in 3 weeks and otherwise loves this nursery. I just hate the idea of him being scared and I know he’ll never hurt back.

Any advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation? Going to speak to nursery face to face when I do pick up today so I’d like to ideally know what I can say.

Yanbu the school seem really ineffective. Your poor ds. Our nursery would have absolutely got the child to be removed and kept home after such incidents. This in fact happened with one awful child who was the problem to many kids. This is unacceptable and you should demand that something needs to be done.

Thank you @Confused102. I have asked if he can be removed and been told that they can’t just remove him, they’re trying to work with the child’s parents to support him and understand the behaviour, but my point is why should my DS go somewhere and feel unsafe constantly. Whenever I asked what they were doing to support DS, they just kept going back to the 1:1 support put in place, but clearly that isn’t working!

Teach him how to punch and then give him the green light to punch the other kid in the face as hard as he possibly can if he hurts him again.

Rinse and repeat when necessary.

Bullies don't pick on the kids that fight back.

@AtticusHoysAnus we’ve actually tried that. But he’s not aggressive at all and as much as he says he’ll do it, he doesn’t. It broke my heart when I asked him what his response was when this child told him to get out of the mud kitchen and he said ‘i said okay and left. I don’t think I wanted to play there anyway’. He just won’t hit back!

That is terrible. I would speak to the management and ask what their policy is - it must be a frequent issue in childcare settings.
While it is hard to oversee every child, the child who is pinching should have more supervision. If my child was behaving like that, I’d expect to be told about it so we could work on it at home too.
The nursery is not on top of this at all. The idea of no consequences because there is mo visible proof is unacceptable. What would they do if a child’s hair was being yanked daily by another child? Nothing by the sound of it.
They know your child and probably the other child are leaving soon and I imagine there is little incentive on their part to create paperwork. I’d listen to what they say and if not happy, would take it further and report the setting.

Nursery know that this child is hurting your son, so they need to be absolutely sure that they are kept apart as much as possible. I'm a childminder, and little pinches and nips do occur,and you can't stop them every single time- sometimes they're so quick! However if this childminder seems to be singling your child out then they definitely need to be more on top of it!

I understand the nursery wanting to work with the child's parents and understand their behaviour but if the child is doing this unprovoked then they should have a member of staff shadowing that child at all times and it should definitely not have took you complaining for them to do that they should have put that in place after the first one or two times.
It sounds a lot like they are downplaying it and aren't overly bothered because it "didn't leave a mark", this is still bullying and If I were you id be calling a meeting with management to see what they are going to do to stop this from happening for the next three weeks.

Thank you all, it’s nice to hear that I’m not overreacting; I’ve tried being firm with them and asking for next steps now and all they said was that they’ve already put in place 1:1 supervision but they ‘can’t see everything’. They even said it was my DS who came to stand near the child today which gave me the rage- We’ve told him to not play with this child or go near him, but it was a bit too victim blaming for my liking.

The worrying thing as well is they’re saying it’s not specifically my DS being targeted, which means he must be doing it to other kids too. They’ve said they’ll ask for an emergency meeting with the child’s parents to see what they can do but that the child’s parents are just as upset at the behaviour.

@GoBrookeYourself

I really feel for you both, despise bullies of any age.

He sounds a lovely gentle kid, maybe martial arts classes or boxing training. Just to build confidence but with the added bonus of defense if ever needed.

Hope it works out for you all.

speaking practically, have you go any leave you could take or anyone who could help you out over the next three weeks so you can remove him early?

As an old cm I would have taken the violent dc way to sit down for a while & had a (boring) chat about why we don't do this & every time he does bully/hurt another child he will have to sit next to you & not play with (whatever it was he was doing) - no mention of naughty chair or whatever just a long chat & stopping him hurting others
I wonder if he just picks on your dc or others too?
They should write up every incident but they cannot id the child to you officially

Aww bless him I would be absolutely furious!
Is it just your child the boy is targeting? Does he have special needs?

I would be at nursery every single day, quoting safeguarding policies. Does the child have a 121 yet? If so there not doing a very good job, and if not he should be pulled out until one is in place for the safety of the other children.

3 weeks to go? Then child won’t see him again. I’d speak to nursery manager in person and say you expect DC to be safe in their care. They need to ensure this. Follow up with email setting out incidents to date.
My DD was hurt by a boy at nursery by deliberate kicking. The nursery wanted every incident documenting as they were desperately trying to get support/mum on board. He was a big lad would have been in year above if 5 days older so it was a safety issue, his mum used to smile at him when he was behaving badly.

I run a nursery and I hate these sort of issues that arise all the time. Children’s behaviour in the last few years has been quite difficult. Parent also often don’t want to engage with the setting or give the child any sort of consequences at home.

One to one funding doesn’t happen over night my LEA and take lots of paper work and evidence before they even get to a panel for funding considerations.

Referrals to see if the child need any support and what to put in place are at an all time waiting list of 18 months.

Obviously this doesn’t help you. So I would be asking: what are they putting in place?
For you child and the other child.
What are his consequences and how are they going to protect your son.

You could ask for a risk assessment in protecting your son.

Book in another appointment there and then to review in a weeks time, so they know you are not leaving this to continue.

In regards to and one to one, is it a real one to one or one of the staff (they are unlikely to have got a 1-1 in a week. So the next questions would be: does that other member or staff still have their other duties? Still keyworking? Who covers the 1-1– lunch?

Down the fobbed off, get specific.

Also incident for every time

Just to add, if it’s a funded 1-1 it’s only for 15 hours and it’s unlikely to be in the summer hols, so what’s happening the rest of time. I doubt in all honestly that they currently are providing a one to one.

Our nursery would have absolutely got the child to be removed and kept home after such incidents.

Seriously ? What a poor Nursery.

I totally get this is upsetting for a child that has been hurt, but where exactly do people think full time 1:1 support is going to be magic'd up from?

We had to deal child that specifically targeted my child. The child in question has special needs and it was a difficult situation. 1:1 means literally that. There should be a teacher shadowing the child. That teacher should see everything. If the teacher does not, the teacher is not performing the job. Kids are quick so they might not be able to physically block an attack, but they should at least witness the circumstances and learn how not to let it repeat

In our particular case, the problem got bad enough that the child was not allowed to be in the same part of the room as my child anymore and even had to go get coats and things like that at a time separate from the other children. That was an absolute last resort, but it was sadly a necessary step.

There should be an incident book filled in and shown to the child's parents and an accident book too which you need to fill in for most of these incidents.
Obviously they need to up the supervision and may need to pay for another member of staff to be with this child on a 1:1 basis.
This child may have additional needs which can complicate the situation but clearly more needs to be done.
However Can we please refrain from calling a tiny child a bully, their brains are still developing and clearly they have limited understanding of their actions,
I'm not saying They don't know right from wrong but they often haven't got the emotional regulation or development to fully control their actions that why this child really needs more supervision to manage and relegate his behaviour.

Id have one more talk that its not working and ask explicitly what you need to do to escalate this. Council? Ofsted? Id also ask submit a formal complaint about the 1:1 and state that youll be escalating to the local council and express concerns about their eligibility for funding if they are not running a safe nirsery following their own policies.

Id also be asking what action is being taken RE the 1:1 staff member not seeing what happened.

Is there a different room he could be put in?
I’d raise hell, email and mention making a complaint to ofsted. Honestly you have to act completely unhinged sometimes to get anything done.

Incident form needs completed every single time. Has risk assessment been carried out re childs ongoing behaviour?