to snoop on his computer

[wookneecorn]

I woud have somewhere to go if I left this relationship, we're not married.

i have suspected for a while now that OH has been cheating as he has been so withdrawn and showing no interest in anything to do with me. Since yesterday we've been sleeping in seperate bedrooms as I need my own space away from him whilst he's being like this and I've stopped doing so much for him, I don't initiate conversations or try to be affectionate anymore, in fact we hardly talk to each other. Since we stopped talking he's tried a few times to be affectionate and I have, I will admit been volatile and shut it down and now he leaves me alone but has become difficult to live with as he consistently talks to me like I'm thick and raising his voice

Well he's come off the computer and went to bed without me and I decided to snoop which I never do as he knows, anywhere to look other than browsing history as that's gone

It's a gaming computer if that makes any difference

If you're that unhappy, what is wrong with just ending the relationship? Why do you actually need to snoop in the first place? Is NOT finding anything going to suddenly change your view of anything that has happened over the last while?

yes

Sorry I've read that all wrong I'm so tired

In these circumstances, yes, YABU to snoop.

Get some sleep and sit down to have a proper talk about your relationship and what's happening. May be get counseling. If he's not amenable to that then leave as it really doesn't matter what he's doing on his computer, you have relationship issues you need to sort out regardless.

I had went to get some tea intending to come back but I didn't and I left his computer on the deleted history page and it was left running all night which he never does. He turns it off at the wall. He looked a bit on edge and a quick move of the cursor to wake up the screen revealed that I'd been on it. He was acting really panicky around me, as if he'd been rushing to get somewhere, but also using the word 'love' to address me which he also never does and even lent in for a kiss before he left which I completely and intentionally dodged

Just end it, you don't need a reason. You don't have to go digging for something. It's just over.

So he looks at something on a computer, it isn't somehow more important than the prior behaviour.

Since yesterday we've been sleeping in seperate bedrooms as I need my own space away from him

Why bother snooping etc. The trust is gone. The relationship is over. You say you have somewhere to go. Leave, or ask him to leave if the house is yours.

As for the furtive computer use, obviously he's using it for porn. Have you checked all the browsers histories? He might have Edge, Chrome, Firefox, all have their own separate histories

But what would be the point.

OP,

It's over.

Pack up your stuff and move on.

Life is too short.

It does sound like it would be best to move on, going by how things are between you.

FWIW the deleted browsing history and his behaviour afterwards are quite suspicious.

You don’t know that he’s cheating but when he tries to speak to you you give a “volatile” response till he backs off? Now you’re planning to invade his privacy?

Clearly the relationship is dead. He may or may not be having an affair but all you’ve said he’s done wrong is withdraw - which could be for any number of reasons - and your response is to ignore him or shout at him. He might be in wrong as well but you’re behaving appallingly.

Just tell him it’s over and pack your stuff.

You have no relationship. You're not interested in giving or receiving affection. You don't want to spend time with him. Any relationship you had is gone. Why do you care what he's up to when you have no interest in him anyway? If you discovered he wasn't cheating, why would you want to continue in such a joyless living situation with a room mate - which is basically all you are now? Do both of yourselves a favour and move out so you can both move onto something more fulfilling.

If you're having to snoop on their computer or phone, or even think about doing it, then the relationship is already over. It will do both of you a favour if you leave asap.

If you have somewhere to go then go there because it sounds like your relationship is over

If you're at the point of snooping (ignoring the rest of this car crash) then the relationship is over.

Either you find what you're looking for, so it's over, or you don't find anything, and you've violated your partner's trust and privacy for fuck all, so it's over.

How old are you