To think this is also disrespect

[Disrespected]

Nc for this.

DH and I were discussing how teen ds is becoming more and more disrespectful in how he talks to me. And how he acts. Which we then discussed with ds and discussed the consequences if it didn't improve.

I then said but sometimes I feel a bit disrespected by everyone. But in different ways. Was in a lighthearted way

He was shocked and said what even me?

I said yeah for example. I do 95% of the housework.( Which I don't mind. As I enjoy clenaing) but last week one eve I had the night to myself. And I cracked in with a massive to do list. The house felt lovely clean and tidy for the 1st time since the school holidays.
He came in leaves clothes on floor, can on the side. Shoes in hall and general mess. And this is often the case with clothes on floor etc I said well that's in a way disrespecting what I've do for everyone no appreciation..
He took it and went oh OK well if you feel like that but it's not.

I agree. Drives me nuts when I’ve cleaned and tidied and DH let’s wet dogs run all over it, or wears his outdoor shoes in the shower room. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He took it and went oh OK well if you feel like that but it's not.

“If you feel like that”?! He said what?

Of course it bloody is.

What did you say back?

YNBU to feel annoyed by this, or to mention it to DP. But you might but better off tackling this at a separate time. Work together now on focussing on the issue with your ds.

Does he not see any link between how your ds is treating you and how ds sees you being treated by his Dad??

@AnneLovesGilbert

He took it and went oh OK well if you feel like that but it's not.

“If you feel like that”?! He said what?

Of course it bloody is.

What did you say back?

Dick

I just walked out the room. I wasn't going to get in an argument over it and I needed to get to the shop before it closed 35min later.

It's OK as of tomorrow I'll be picking up all the stuff he leaves around. And throwing it into the garage haha. I'm not on about general mess.

It’s no wonder your son doesn’t respect you when he sees how his dad behaves.

Of course that's disrespectful - the lazy area.

*arse,

This makes me feel crap too OP. DP doesn't mean it. He can just be thoughtless sometimes.

We're both a bit messy, and leave clothes on the floor and dishes on the side. But when I've made an effort to make everything nice it's so deflating when he just carries on like he doesn't see it. In his case it's habit, rather than active disrespect. But it feels the same.

If you asked him how he would feel if he spent ages washing the car (or something similar, that he actually does) and getting it perfect, and you went straight out and threw mud at it, would he get it then? You shouldn't have to explain it to him like he's a child, but if it means he gets it and is more thoughtful in future then it's a means to an end.

Ask him this as a direct question- 'when you drop your clothes on the floor do you intend to move them later or in the back of your mind do you think I will do it, why do you do that? Would be interested in his answer

He always says he was going to do it later. Or in a bit etc
Or hell say I don't need to I could remind him. But that's like reminding a child and would probably lead to me nagging!

It seems ianbu. We so rarely argue this is more of a peev

This is the problem with doing 95% of the housework

If he did more, he'd understand exactly what you meant and obviously he'd appreciate it more.

Does he have anything that he loves thsy tries upkeep? A car that he gets valeted or a bike that he takes apart and clean. If so wait til he has spent hours sorted it and take the car out for a drive and drop a load of fast food and shit in it. Or take his bike out for a ride in the mud and leave it for him to find. And then blame him for how he is feeling and suggest it's all his fault anyway for not reminding you.