To ask if there's life after DV?

[Blazikenn]

Just that really. We're out of it and safe, but it's that tricky time where I'm still figuring out this being a single mother thing, and how to change the topic of conversation when people ask about my DH. I wanted to know if anyone has been through leaving an abusive relationship and had a better life afterwards in the end. Raised happy, well-adjusted DC, maybe found a new partner or had a fulfilling career. I guess I just want to know that it's possible, to give me the strength to endure

Sending

Yes it possible, I am 17 years on from leaving my abusive ex and I have 2 lovely well adjusted sons in their 20's and I have been happily married to my partner for 11 years and have 3 more children. I was on my own for nearly 3 years before I started dating and it took another 3 years before I took the step of moving in with my now husband as I never thought I would trust someone enough again to make that type of commitment but it has worked finishing with the ex was the best decision I have ever made. I hope you feel this way soon

I left 12 years ago. Struggled like fuck, ended up in court three times for various issues. Ex stepped back from contact with the kids and we've all had counselling.

I found strength I never thought I had. Retrained which gave me the qualification and confidence to strike out in a different career direction.

It's not been easy but it's a million miles better than the existence we all had before.

It's 20 years since I left my abusive ex.
I have a good job, nice home, fantastic husband and am financially comfortable. My life is better than I could ever have dreamed it would be.
It was tough at first of course, I was homeless and skint for a while but I managed to build a much better life for myself.

You will find the strength you need and its much easier to cope with than living under the threat of violence and abuse

Well done for having the courage to leave

I left my abusive XH 9 years ago. No kids thankfully (so no ties with the arsehole), but nothing at all to show for my 35 years on the planet.

I now have a lovely partner who really ‘gets’ me, a dog and a ‘lifestyle’ job that comes with loads of great benefits in a beautiful part of the world. I have travelled, improved my self/skills and am secure financially for the first time, with a future to look forward to.

You have absolutely done the right thing for both yourself and your DCs OP. It will be a hard slog at the beginning, but so, so, so worth it.

I am only a couple months down the line from leaving my cheating, abusive ex. I started a thread on here basically saying I felt I'd never feel better. Let me tell you I most certainly do. I still have hard days, but my god the good ones outweigh them. You will get there, I promise

I left a physically, emotionally, financially abusive relationship 40 years ago, when it was scarcely acknowledged by society. I was probably fortunate I didn't have children.
It has certainly coloured my life since, but I am fine, and have been fine for many years. I am a stronger and more insightful person for having been through it.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but there is most definitely a better future beckoning for you, OP.

Yes it absolutely gets better. Leaving is the first step. You can do this. I left my abusive ex 13 years ago.. I don't even recognise myself from back then. One thing I would recommend is to talk to someone.. I never did, and buried things so deep that I'm not sure I could work through them now.
I promise you, you can do this

I left my abusive, controlling and violent ex on 4th June with our baby daughter.

I didn't want to leave. I still love him. My heart is totally shattered.

But, I have the freedom to speak to my friends and family whenever I like, I can choose what I wear, to wear make up if I like. I say how I feel without fear of arguments, of being hit.

It hurts. It hurts so much but I am so much happier already.

You can do it OP

I am 5 years out nearly. The day I left I vowed that it would always be a part of our story (DC and I) but it would not be a definitive part of our story. Its hard work but my DC are happy. They are wonderful.

You suddenly reach a point though when you look back and

A) realise that no matter how tough it is you aren't doing it in fear anymore
B) you realise you don't need them anymore
C) that you ARE doing it. Every single day you've done proves you can and will do it.

You are amazing for getting out. It is an absolute climb but I promise you it's so worth it.

Left mine 12 years ago with a tiny baby, my life is great. I describe the first 3 years as my life being on hold, I worked and looked after my ds but nothing else. I needed this time to get me back. Great life now, good job, lovely partner, nearly paid off my mortgage. You will have a better life, take care

Yes, he was removed two years ago. Have just completed my masters and my home is a calm and kind place. He sees our DD but I just limit speaking to him and make plans for her without asking for his input.

20 years on here. There may be tough times but they are all better than the dv times.
Been with dh almost 18 years now, totally different kind of relationship; ex is single after a string of failed relationships- guess he hasn't changed.