Joint friends when you a couple

[Erasablepen]

DH and I recently having serious discussions, could be deal breakers after a decade of marriage because of our view on friends.

There is a group of friends we have known our whole marriage and over recent years are constants in a our social life but the lead liberal lives, swinging, sleeping with other husbands and wives in the group. (Although my DH and I have not participated even though it’s spoken about openly and there have been direct requests to us) we have a more conservative approach. Lately I’ve become more aware on their influence on us and our lives. Include narcotics and drug taking. I do not want this around my children.

DH has different views, that we need to accept people as they are. I agree with this but I do not want to be influenced by this and the fact that my DH has said this is a potential deal breaker makes me question why he would jeopardize our marriage and family for this group of friends.

Is he having a midlife crisis?
Is he wanting to return to life as a bachelor?

Any way I look at it I’m struggling to comprehend his strong view on this when it could derail our lives but remaining close friends with this group of people. They take it as a challenge to make people around them cave to pressure to participate.

Does this make sense?

Aibu - yes - don’t judge your friends. They are who they are and you control yourself.
YANBU- no- you’re right choose your friends wisely. These people sound like they are on a very different path.

Thing is, you're doing exactly the same as your DH aren't you? If you let the friends stay in your life, no problems. If you refuse to let them stay in your lives it's potentially going to mean the end of the relationship?

As it happens I do fully agree with you and wouldn't want 'friends' like that around my family. But currently you're both saying it's my way or the highway.

Any way I look at it I’m struggling to comprehend his strong view on this when it could derail our lives by remaining close friends with this group of people.

I think you need to talk to him again and explain how uncomfortable you are having them around and the influence they could have on your children. Ask him if he has any suggestions that would mean you and the children don't have to be around it. And also if he would consider distancing himself from them too. If not, ask him why? What is it that he really appreciates about those friendships? Is there no alternative he can think of that would be able to make both of you happy?

At the end of the day it sounds like your friends have always been this way and you've been fine with it up until now. So whilst I'm surprised he'd hint at throwing away a marriage/family for them, I'm not surprised he's not exactly onboard with cutting them out. He may also not fully understand your perspective/what's changed.