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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my ex mil for help

22 replies

Shockedmama · 09/08/2021 17:45

Hey all
Basically long story short I work full time however iv been unwell lately and missed 2 weeks of work! Well that combined with an unexpected bill being taken and I’m completely out of money! Iv tried for loans and have had no luck.
I have never asked my my daughters dads family for help! I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask him but I’m contemplating asking his mum. Is this wrong of me? I feel so awful but I’m so stuck and don’t have any family of my own to help! What would you do? I

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 09/08/2021 17:50

It sounds as if you have no other options. Hopefully she will be open to helping you.

Helendee · 09/08/2021 18:11

It depends on your relationship with her, does she have a relationship with her grandchild, do you get on well with her? If not then I don’t see how you can to be honest.

Original poster
Shockedmama · 09/08/2021 18:15

Yes we do and yes my daughter see’s her a lot

OP posts:
Kithic · 09/08/2021 18:17

Dds dad not able to help?

MyOtherProfile · 09/08/2021 18:17

Does the dad pay any kind of contribution to his daughter?

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2021 18:21

I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask him

You've forgotten to say why?

Also, are you wanting a loan or a gift?

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 09/08/2021 18:24

Do you trust her and is it likely she'll let your ex see her or take photos and give him information?

(This is obviously assuming that he isn't safe to be around her, or that he wouldn't be a stable influence in her life, and that that's why he doesn't see her).

You say she sees her usually so presumably you do and she wont, so asking would be ok.

Good luck.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 10/08/2021 00:56

Yabu. Ask your childs father if there is no one else.

Holly60 · 10/08/2021 06:21

Of course you are not being unreasonable to ask your DD’s grandparent for help with her. I’m a MIL and I can absolutely guarantee that your Little one’s granny will want to support- you’ve said they see each other a lot - why on earth wouldn’t she?! Do it!

Holly60 · 10/08/2021 06:22

Sorry - I meant to say- I’m a MIL and if my DC split from their partners I would still want to do everything I could to support the whole lot of them - that’s why me being a MIL was relevant Grin

Kithic · 10/08/2021 07:07

@Holly60

Of course you are not being unreasonable to ask your DD’s grandparent for help with her. I’m a MIL and I can absolutely guarantee that your Little one’s granny will want to support- you’ve said they see each other a lot - why on earth wouldn’t she?! Do it!
Erm, not all mils want to help out
user1471457751 · 10/08/2021 07:47

@holly60 - you can't 'absolutely guarantee' anything unless you are the MIL in question. The MIL may not be in a position to help,may not want to provide financial help, may have been screwed over in the past etc

Bluntness100 · 10/08/2021 07:48

Do you mean you want to ask her for money?

DinosaurDiana · 10/08/2021 07:50

It’s the father’s responsibility, not his mother.

nancydroo · 10/08/2021 07:53

Can you sell anything eg on Facebook marketplace. Old bikes stuff in the loft toys that the children no longer use clothes in good condition but you don't wear etc. I did this once and made £450 in four weeks just selling stuff I didn't need. Do you have a mortgage? If so can you get a payment holiday which is up to three months.
Or like you say borrow money from in laws but make sure you can pay them back at a rate you really can afford. Good luck money drives me crazy

PotteringAlong · 10/08/2021 07:55

Why can you ask his mum and not your child’s father?

Whatabambam · 10/08/2021 08:23

Do you have debts? I would suggest that you get some money advice before you borrow money from family, especially when the relationship is a complicated one. You might find it difficult to pay her back otherwise which could undermine your relationship with her. Your local council may have a support fund available. They have been set up ro deal with the pandemic although it's very likely that you don't need to prove a link to Covid.

Thisbastardcomputer · 10/08/2021 08:26

Years ago, about 15 years ago I lent the girl who my teenage son got pregnant £100 to get her out of a hole.

I later told her it was a gift from me, I didn't want her under pressure.

The baby is now 22, that girl has done the most amazing job, he is kind, polite and well mannered. I'm in contact with her and have been through out. She ended up with three children, I have sent the children spending money, Christmas and birthday gifts.

My son didn't come out of the situation looking anything like as good as she did.

rottd · 10/08/2021 08:38

@Thisbastardcomputer how refreshing to see someone handle that difficult situation so well & not punish the children.

Holly60 · 10/08/2021 10:29

[quote user1471457751]@holly60 - you can't 'absolutely guarantee' anything unless you are the MIL in question. The MIL may not be in a position to help,may not want to provide financial help, may have been screwed over in the past etc[/quote]
How can you be ‘screwed over’ if you willingly give some money to help the parent of your grandchild provide for them?

But I take your point that not everyone is in the happy position of being able to help. The only way OP will know is to ask.

Kithic · 10/08/2021 11:11

How can you be ‘screwed over’ if you willingly give some money to help the parent of your grandchild provide for them?

might be something completely unrelated to money

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/08/2021 11:13

You should ask if your struggling, yes.

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