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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel like moving on?

2 replies

Itsjustlife · 09/08/2021 16:35

So I'm in a relationship and we have a DD who is coming up to 5 yrs old.
My other half has changed a lot since we have become parents, she wanted to stay at home until school age which I completely supported both financially and emotionally. But now I kind of want a relationship again, we have yet to spend anytime together. Also I am starting to react to constant criticism and no positive comments, i feel i have no say in anything to do with our home or parenting. I have an amazing relationship with my daughter and I really don't want to change that by leaving but i feel so unhappy. I do realise the sacrifice that she has made to bring up our DD but i don't want to be unhappy much longer
We have spoken about this but nothing changes...
Advice would be so welcome as I lie awake most nights

OP posts:
therocinante · 09/08/2021 19:40

Obviously if you're unhappy, you can leave - but as you have a child together I think it's worth working on.

When you say you've yet to spend any time together, do you mean time alone like dates/nights away, or do you mean sex? If it's the former, can you organise the time together - get a babysitter/family member/friend to look after the DD for the night and take her out somewhere? If it's the latter, have you talked about why?

Does she explain why she's critical of your parenting, or doesn't allow you any say in what happens at home? Is she anxious about parenting, for example? Is it that she's got used to doing things a certain way and does the majority of the child-rearing so now she can't let go when you do things your way, or is it different from that?

There are so many variables here - you could be a workaholic spouse who's never home and rarely helps with the housework and when you do it's in a way that undoes the work your partner does, and never makes an effort. Or your partner could be an overly critical nightmare who doesn't make an effort with your relationship any more. Or she could be an anxious parent who's got used to doing things her own way and you've both let your relationship slide since having a child.

Or any number of things in the middle. And your answer and her answer might be very different.

Does she know you're at the point where you're considering ending things? From what I can tell (no children myself) the early years are often a real slog just kind of keeping your small human alive and yourself going and parenting can really test even the strongest of relationships - it could be that with a proper, wake-up-call conversation you both realise your relationship is worth working on.

Apeirogon · 09/08/2021 19:43

Do you spend time together in the evenings after DD is in bed?

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